I have been reading this forum for a fee days and can relate on so many levels. I know I need to "detach" I just don't know how. My son's story.... He has always been a very smart kid. He was diagnosed in first grade with ADHD and had issues throughout school with turning in homework and barely graduated due to this. Always aced tests just no homework. Looking back I realize that due to ADHD I made too many excuses for him and didn't allow him to suffer natural consequences. We started finding pot periodically in his car and room when he was a freshman and he always promised he would stop so I protected him from the consequences his father wanted to impose. After he graduated HS he got a paraphernalia ticket and got that deferred but soon after got pulled over and evidently they confiscated a container that later turned out to be "wax" because after the tests came back and a warrant was issued he was pulled over again for the warrant and they found more wax.... which in Texas is a felony. So...he was arrested and after he spent a night in jail I convinced my husband to bail him oit. He ended up getting 5 years probation/deferred disposition. He lives in a rent house owned by his grandpa and refuses to get a stable job. Does food deliveries now and then to pay rent (late) but his grandpa said if has late again he will evict him. Because i cant stand the thought of him being hungry and homeless I end up giving him the money to make rent then listen to him promise me he will get a job. His house reeks of weed so I have no idea how he is passing his drug tests at probation. Of course if he gets caught again he will go to prison and I can't stand the thought of that either. When I try to talk to him he tells me of course he is not doing it and not to worry. I have read all of the posts abought detaching but i dont know how when I feel like it is my fault he is the way he is because I babied him and cleaned up his messes for so long. I try not to worry but am at the point I am literally making myself sick. Can't focus on work or anything else and I'm just hoping someone here can help.