Stepmil called about xmas arrangements today. I finally admitted why I do not want to go to their house for xmas. Or any other time really. I admire stepmil, think she is a really nice person. father in law is okay. husband's sister (she has told me that she is NOT my sister-in-law and her husband is NOT my brother in law, they are husband's sister and his brother in law according to her, and her son is husband's nephew and not mine) and her husband are, I guess, okay to see once or twice a year. I have nothing in common with them. I do not EVER feel welcome or like part of the family at their home. I don't think my husband does either. He NEVER calls them. They call maybe 2 or 3 times a year. We only live an hour or so apart. Back when we got married I tried really hard to find common ground with them. NOTHING was reciprocated. Not a single invitation that was not Wiz birthday or xmas was EVER accepted and many of the bdays were cancelled. When I am there, I don't feel as if I am. I don't like sports. Esp don't like football. It is about the only topic of discussion other than people I don't know and they have specifically told me they don't want me to meet and won't invite me to be there if other relatives are there. I usually say I am sick when time comes to go. I don't voice ANY of this to husband or the kids. I guess the only good thing about more than 20 migraine days a month is an easy excuse. I feel awful using it if I don't have one but I really don't EVER want to go see them. It is so dang HARD to go and feel so totally unwelcome. The ONLY real option now that I cannot stand long enough to help cook or clean with-o making myself really hurt for a week or more is to sit there and try not to look bored or vacant. My husband's sister barely speaks to me and I have NEVER been less than really nice and genuine with her. In over 20 years of marriage she has had ONE conversation with me that was not because other people were there and expected her to say something to me. When I do try to enter ANY conversation, either she or mother in law or father in law brings up people I have not met and things they have done without me. Is it totally horrible to just tell husband that I have a migraine? I don't want to tell him I simply have zero interest in EVER seeing them again. Our gift to stepmil is ALWAYS something I cross stitch, usually a nativity because she loves them. I know she truly treasures them, but you would NOT know it if you ever saw us together. She smiles and is pleasant the same as she is to anyone she would meet on the street, but she never really includes me the way she does husband's sister. I don't know what I ever did to these people, and husband is really hurt by the way they keep him at arm's length but stepMIL's family is ALWAYS treated like family and so is husband's sister and her family. I don't know if it is just because of something about me, or about husband, but I really loathe going to see them. Really and truly I feel like an interloper, and that is just hard after 20+ years of trying my hardest to forge some sort of relationship with them. I. Give. Up. Is that awful? Should I just go no matter what or say I am sick even if I am not? Is it awful that after so many years of trying I just don't see the point? If they needed/need help or care, I will do what I can for father in law and stepMIL because it would mean the world to husband, but otherwise, I really don't care if I see them or not. I won't, under ANY circumstance, help husband's mother with anything. I drew that line decades ago when she made her ugly feelings toward me and the kids very clear.