Am i sensitive or is this inappropriate?


Well-Known Member
Staff member
A friend of mine said to me, in response to a dilemma not unlike yours SWOT, "if it FEELS weird, IT IS." That has been my barometer since. Whatever the woman said, it felt "off" to you, I'd trust that.


New Member
My opinion: once might be a compliment but multiple times is rude.
I agree she's jealous and probably saddened by the fact that she never had what you have.
I had a "friend" say that and the next thing I knew she was trying to steal my husband. Didn't work so well for her, my husband doesn't stray and saw her more like an adopted daughter. So I enforced the house rule, no person of the opposite sex is allowed in the house without a spouse being present. If she came over without her husband then I have to be there just like if her husband came over without her then my husband has to be present. It's something my husband and I agreed on when we first got together.

Calamity Jane

Well-Known Member
OK, SWOT, so I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. Without overthinking this, could it possibly be that when your friend said, "He's not for me, but he's perfect for you" that she meant harmlessly to infer that she was paying your husband a compliment, but she didn't want you to think that meant that she was interested in making a move on him? Kind of like a caveat that she thinks your hubby is a great guy, but that your marriage is safe from her? Your friend knows you know her relationship history is unsuccessful, so maybe she was just trying to get the point across that she knows your marriage is happy, and he's a great guy, but although she's available, she wouldn't dream of coming between you two?


Well-Known Member
No. She isnt the type to do that and she wasnt being nice. I can see why some people may think she is reassuring i appreciate it. Thank you.

I am zero concerned either that he would ever cheat or that this person would do that.
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Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
What an odd thing to say to someone. I think it's obvious she has some issues and as you said, she has had failed relationships.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder is so true. If one is looking for superficial beauty that is only skin deep they may find the inner person is very ugly.

It sounds to me like there is some jealousy on her part. It's also a dig at you in a way. That is something I have noticed about some people, when they are jealous of someone they will say hurtful things. How very sad for this lady that she cannot find happiness.

I'm happy for you that you have the love of your life. You are happy and that's all that matters.


Well-Known Member
Thanks, Tanya. I think its odd too. And demeaning.

"I would never want him. He is beneath me. But he is perfect for you." That is tjeonly way i can interpret it. If it was not meant as a dig, it would not have been spoken. She could have left it out. Passive aggressive much?

Well, I am cleaning my "house." No toxic people needed. I do feel badly for her, but in a way....she has had chances with good men and doesnt like them. Thay are boring to her. She chooses selfish men who live on the edge and have mental health issues. I think that she is jealous of those who are happy together.

Luckily she lives in another state. I met her when i lived in Illinois.

Thank you, Tanya. I am grateful to be in a place where I feel secure enough to remove people from my life who really do not wish the best for me. This person says mean things with a smile....if I have to feel nervous before talking to someone, why talk?
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Not oversensitive in the slightest.

Do you think your empathic traits are leading you to question yourself, rather than push back at someone who is clearly giving a backhanded passive-aggressive "compliment" to feel superior to you.

Sounds like you found truly unconditional love. Not surprised she is jealous.


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Agree with others.
She sounds petty and possibly jealous.
I find oddball comments like this bothersome as well (as you might have picked up on from my posts through the years)
If the person has more positive traits than negative and we e enjoyed many positive experiences together, I try to let oddball things go.
I recognize that over the years, although I certainly hope not, it’s possibke on a bad day, I’ve said something odd myself that needs letting go.
It’s different if this is intentiallt mean spirited and/or constant.
PS Just saw your updated post. If you feel she is passive aggressive and not a good friend, maybe you should pull back.
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