For those of you that know our story, our son is in rehab again after relapsing (can it even be a relapse if not totally sober?) last month. He was sent to Intensive Outpatient (IOP) in Florida last March (2016) after completing a 30 day program in Illinois near our home. He has been using drugs and alcohol on and off for 5+ years. He would start good and then go into sober living and then decide he should be able to have a beer if he wanted and bounced around a bit but then found a job and a place to share and took a class and we were helping him a bit since it seemed he was really trying hard to move forward. He never did give up beer and weed but we couldn't control it and it seemed to be okay until he got a hold of benzos again which he got from a doctor. He took money - a few hundred dollars - out of an account without our permission and also bought a $700 Iphone on our account without permission. Per his therapist, he has done very well in the program he is now in and is moving to sober living Wednesday. We have taken his car and phone as we were told to strip him of everything and let him earn it back. They are ready for us to give his phone back so he can talk to sponsor and look for a job. We are giving him an old flip phone. I just had a conversation with son and therapist. He is homesick. He misses us. I get it but dad had told him previously he was sent to Florida to get sober and get a college degree/certificate or whatever. He would like to come home and go to a community college. I said we tried that and he was drunk first day of class. I said that was not a good idea. I felt he would use us as a crutch. That the work was really just beginning and he needs to go to school or get a trade so he can support himself. I do not want him back home. I cannot go backwards. I don't think a reason to get or be sober is because you want to come home. I cannot commit to that now or ever. We had said if he gets a job back here then he can live near us. No reason to live with us. His therapist asked how I got so good at boundaries. I told her lots of therapy (and this forum probably more so which I did not mention). She says we want to stay positive. Yes I am but we've done this before. Not my first rodeo. Incidentally therapist has a son that is an addict and he is not sober. She is impressed by our son at 21 doing what he's done but maintaining sobriety to me is the real hard part. I feel like a cold fish when I talk to him (them). I love him so much and want more than anything for him to be happy and successful but yet I feel angry that he is putting this on us. We cannot make him be sober. We can support him and love him but I really feel like he needs to be away from us and stand on his own two feet. I don't want to deal with the day to day of his life. I think he is old enough now to do this on his own so why do I have to feel bad? I honestly think him coming near us even to be in sober living would be a huge mistake. I'm trying to sort out my feelings.