southernmama, I don't think you were harsh at all. The police would FAR rather parents do what you did than what many people do. When my kids stole something (they were little and thank you never even tried, oddly enough) they had to take it back, pay for it with their own money, apologize and leave the item at the store. If it was something like gum or candy, they couldn't have it again for a month. Even at three it was a month and they all understood what day they could have it again because they would tell ME. (Which is why I never buy into that "you have to give a consequence the second the action is done or the child cannot connect them koi - my kids could and DID all the time.)
ANY teacher/coach talked to MY kid like that Dance Mom lady? She would be missing fees and I would chew her to pieces. I don't CARE how many trophies you win - you need to be a GOOD PERSON first and good people don't treat kids like that. I would also have problems with other parents calling her all sorts of curse words in front of the kids. My biggest problem with that teacher is how she treats that working mom. You DO NOT tell a kid that MOmmy doesn't love you because she can't be at your every practice. You DO NOT EVER imply that Mom and Dad don't love a child. PERIOD. NOT if you expect to survive around MY kid. How, exactly, is tearing a child's self esteem down going to give them confidence on stage?
Now I don't think all tough coaches are bad. One of Wiz' soccer coaches was a friend of mine and she was hard on the kids - 8 yos. She was tough and there was NO praise unless you actually earned it. They did NOT all get trophies or awards on this team. She thought that it devalued the awards that were given out. How much can an award mean if everyone gets one? If you can slack off, skip practice, make goals for the other team and still get an award? What does that same award mean to the kid who worked hard, gave it his all, was at all the practices, etc...? She was TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH. Her teams WON. They also ADORED her. They knew that when she said "good job", it meant something REAL. They were also all kids who felt a real drive to win - they did NOT have fun losing. So while I went into the season very wary of her, ready to have problems if she went off on my kid, I waited and watched and realized that seh truly cared about every child, and that her comments were NEVER unfounded and even what SEEMED rude/mean really wasn't - in context. Plus I watched the kids and they ALL ran up to hug her anywhere they saw her, worked hard for her and truly valued what she said - good or bad. they respected her and esp her honesty.
Honesty is NOT waht that dance instructor gives. She does NOT build anyone up. She pits the moms against each other, is NOT creating a team, and is doing ALL she can to make those little kids feel horrible so that she can feel powerful. I watched the first two episodes because I wanted to see if the first one was a fluke. It was NOT and it is disgusting to see an adult treat kids that way.
WHAT are those mothers thinking to allow ANYONE to abuse their children that way? I cannot think of ANYONE I would permit to talk to my kids that way - and that I would PAY to do that to them. Can you?