An Update from the Twilight Zone...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    This whole situation has gotten so bizarre and unbelievable--that is really does feel like I am caught up in some kind of Twilight Zone or Alternate Dimension...

    When last we left off, I had spoken to the sheriff about difficult child's notes that talked about killing her parents...

    A lot of parents that responded on my thread had some very good ideas--good ideas that, evidently, don't apply here in the Twilight Zone.

    There is no such thing as a "Child in Need of Services" or CHINS petition...the closest thing would be to have a child declared "Incorrigible". The sheriff also told me I could request a "pick up order". Either one will get difficult child in front of a judge, but they are just as likely to send her back home as anything else. I have been told that it may take a few court appearances before she would even be considered for an evaluation at the state hospital.

    Yes, there are Residential Treatment Center (RTC) programs in this state and in neighboring states--BUT cuts to medicaid means that psychiatrists and phosps and our county health facility are no longer referring anyone to these places. So it is not a matter of "no facilities exist"--it is a matter of "no referrals will be forthcoming".

    Despite the fact that "no referrals will be forthcoming"--the therapist UNBELIEVABLY asked difficult child how she feels about being placed outside her home (since she assumed we were going to arrange placement for difficult child someplace where we would be paying privately. yea right!! difficult child is on medicaid, so you assume her parents can afford $60k per year for a private therapeutic facility?!?!? MORON!!!!).

    So yes, the therapist who was meeting with a child who hates her parents so much she is attempting to lure others into a plot to kill them--told this child that her parents were going to have her shipped off somewhere.

    difficult child responded that if anyone attempts to take her anywhere, jail, a hospital, or Residential Treatment Center (RTC)--she will kill herself before she gets through the door. No problem...therapist changed the subject and then told difficult child she will see has after Thanksgiving.

    So difficult child left that appointment with a look on her face like she was either going to cry or kill something. She refused to speak to me for the rest of the day. When her father got home she yelled at him about how we weren't allowed to make those kinds of decisions for her since it's her life--and he just yelled back that no, it's not her life--her life belongs to her parents until she is eighteen years old and he will make whatever decisions he feels necessary.

    Meanwhile, I am still trying to get together the records necessary to petition the state to release funds on difficult child's behalf to provide treatment in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other therapeutic setting...

    BUT--I can't get any of the records for her psychiatric hospital stay in October, because the psychiatrist is way behind in dictating all his notes--so that is unavailable.

    I can't get school records of skipped classes and discipline reports because nobody bothered entering the information into the computer. No records exist.

    I can't get a city police report from the day difficult child left school and went missing for hours and hours because it was never filed. No record exists.

    I can't get a city police report from the day officers responded to the school because difficult child was making a scene about running away. No record exists.

    And the only reports I can get me hands on are the county police reports (thank goodness for small miracles!) and a report from our wonderful county mental health facility--who despite all of difficult child's issues--recorded her diagnosis as simply "ADHD with some symptoms of possible ODD". No mention of depression, mood disorder or any of the things docs have been saying verbally.

    So how do you demand help for a child when no evidence exists that there is a problem?

    No wonder everyone thinks I am the one that is crazy....

  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so sorry Daisy.
  3. robinm1922

    robinm1922 One day at a time

    I am also so sorry! No advice just cyber hugs!
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    So now she's home from school and she's in my face about

    "So where are you sending me?"


    "Where are you trying to make me go??"

    I told her I am not discussing anything...

    We'll see how long that lasts.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Is she on an IEP? If so, you can call an IEP meeting and discuss the team assigning her into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Of course, they won't want to due to funding but it is an option.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    No--she does not currently qualify for an IEP.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It looks like an advocacy center might be able to point you in a good direction, or maybe you can have her claimed "beyond the control of parents" as listed below.

    This is the equivalent of a chins for a child in need of supervision here. It can lead to some mental health- at least here. If you do that, it looks like you can go to the clerk at family court and file this charge yourself- or ask for a hearing. If it is agreed to and probation gets ordered by the judge, here's the form and what orders will be on it (scroll down on the form). Notice though that if this is done and she violates it, she might get committed to Department of Juvenile Justice- I think it said for up to 6 months. You need to think about that- some are horrible. My son is in one (for about a year) but his has helped so far.
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2009
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Have you physically gone to your family court intake and asked what people do there in situations like this- and told them you are looking for SC equaivalent of a "CHINS"? I would definitely do that knowing what I know now. Instead, I called cops when my son first started having problems because his therapist told me to and I didn't know how to do anything else at the time.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    That's a really good idea. No. I haven't tried it yet....but I think I will.

    Will let you know how it goes...
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    So you're not allowed to ven consider these options, but she IS allowed to plan to kill you? I mean, killing you isn't interfering with YOUR freedom of movement and YOUR rights?

    husband shouldn't have yelled, though. It won't achieve anything, it will only make her feel justified in her attitudes.

    Document all this. Keep your own records. Feed this back to therapist and ask therapist for REAL help with this ie not to set you up for more problems with her hostility, by saying stuff like that without checking with you first. Let therapist know the subsequent outcome of this.

    And she would kill herself before you allow her to be moved - and she is still considered stable? Why did therapist not use this to get more urgent help?

    As for lack of school files/police files, I would go back to them with your notes of what happened and when, and ask for someone to look a bit hardrr because for there to be no report, someone somewhere is deleting stuff (or choosing to not file reports when records should be kept).

    I would ask the question - what has been happening that we DONT know about? Because if you haven't kept records of the stuff that I DO know about, what else is there?

    In other words, "now I'm REALLY worried!"

  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Daisy. Sending hugs and lots of strength.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Daisy...Im desperately trying to think of someway to help you. I remember being in your shoes 10 long years ago being frantic over trying to find someone to help me find some way to help Cory. I literally started calling everyone I could think of and if they couldnt help me, I asked them if they could suggest someone I could call. I started with the Head of the Dept of Health and Human Services. This was dicey because I worked for DSS at the time. Well actually what I did was I went to my director of my local agency which I worked for and I asked him for help...begged both an employee and a county resident for help and he blew me off by telling me to do what my supervisor told me to do. Stupid remark really because my supervisor had point blank told me that if his kid ever behaved like my kid did he would beat the snot out of him. OKKKKK. Well then.

    So...I fired off an email to the Head Honcho at Health and Human Services and CC'd the director at my agency since I was going to quote him and my told them that I was asking them for help and that I had been told by the Director of XXX Co. DSS to follow Supervisor Y's advice to "beat the snot out of my mentally ill son".

    And you wonder why they dont like me there? LOL.

    I think I had CPS investigators calling me within 3 days and an appointment for intake with a special program at mental health within a week.
  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I just got copies of the doctors notes from difficult child's hospitalization:

    She was admitted to psychiatric hospital with a GAF score of 35.

    She was discharged when she reached a GAF of 50.

    At that score...attending doctor advised us to "just keep doing whatever you are doing".

    So I guess they feel that she is stable enough.