Star*
call 911........call 911
Genious abounds in my family -really, my sister is a member of Mense, has an IQ in the 170's. My Mom is brilliant, my father was a math savant and artist. I pale in comparison, but with a family that gifted I figure I'm no dummy either. Okay I have my moments like putting bubble wrap IN my shoes to see if it would make them more comfortable, and there was that time I licked the beater, hit the on switch and bruised my tongue, but other than that...on average I'm a clever girl who would have expected to have a clever son.
So when he moved out on his own and those TOUGH LOVE lessons hit him smack in the kisser, you would think (because I did) that he would start to understand that Mom wasn't a cash cow, an ogre, or a tightwad. Wouldn't YOU think that on his own living in a group home where he had to PAY for things for himself, cook his food, and get a job to pay back the courts and his probation officer (Gosh that looked weird to type) that he would START to get an inkling of responsibility? Really? Well, I did. Color me dumb. (that's a few shades lighter than genious)
So I get the call:
Hi Mom checking in with you.
/Good how are you?
Fine, my allergies are bad, I've been bailing hay.
/You always told me you couldn't cut the grass even with a mask because of those allergies, and now you're bailing hay? WOW!
MOM, please don't start.
/(ME? thinking all the years I pushed mowed the yard before the little Snapper came along) Oh okay
Yeah and Mr X is taking me to get my learners permit
/(ME? fainting on the floor and slipping in my imaginary vomit)
OH really? What car are you going to drive for practice?
Mr X's
/And what insurance do you think you are under while you are doing this?
OHHHHH MOM......there you go.....don't worry. Mr. X said all the boys here get insurance under him.
/(Me? I don't think soo) OH I see and how much is this?
Sixty dollars a month AND AND MOM? MOM? His brother owns a car lot and I'm going to get one of their cars.
/(ME? Slippin in that imaginary vomit for the second time) Gosh that's cheaper than mine and I'm a...nevermind. Congratulations
Yeah....and Mr. X's sisters, husband's son dog just had puppies and I'm going to get one.
/OH HECK NO YOU ARE NOT. NO, I mean it.
Well you said (stretching the word out) I could have whatever I wanted when I moved out.
/(ME? Not a a live whatever) Yes but a dog is expensive and you need to work on your education and....
Education? No one here has transportation or time for that we're always in the field working school can wait...Mr. X said there is no school close.
/(ME? No school close or just during harvest?ARGH) That's not what we discussed son, you're to get a GED and pay on your tuition by getting a job.
Oh yea....I filled out some applications, but I'd have to ride the donkey into work that's why I was going to get a car.
(ME? DON...DON WHAT? DONKEY? ARE YOU INSANE AREYOU REALLY MY KID? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)
Mom? You didn't say anything.
/(ME getting up off the floor for the third time) OHhhh (calmly) I think that you are doing well for yourself. No education, no prospects of it, no job, probation due in a week and you're riding a [email protected] to work....LOVERLY. Does he have a CD player?
WHO?
/THE DONKEY. Where else would you put the not otherwise specified CD? Don't answer
VERY FUNNY MOM. I'm trying to tell you about MY LIFE and you are talking about a [email protected]
/NO YOU said when you left GED, job, probation and now you are telling me - NO education, you're going to buy a car, pay for insurance, get a dog - what kind of dog?
A DANE
/(Me? Down for the 4th time - I should just stay down)
/WOW -
Yup, I'm going to get him in a week or so. No one wants him he wasn't the right color.
/WOW-
And I already know which car I want
/WOW
Is that all you can say?
/No...sounds like you have a plan.
YUP! And I'm doing it ALL WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
/Well terrific son.
Well just wanted to call and tell you how I'm doing.
/Glad you called. Love you - bye.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If I had a nickle for every time I slapped my hand over my mouth in this conversation my lips would look like a puffer fish.
IS HE FOR REALity?
A car, insurance for $60.00 at 17 years and NOT under my policy because Mr. X says he lives under HIS roof not mine. WOnder how THAT plays out when he hits someone? A car from Mr. X's brother's car lot, he works in Mr. X's other brothers fields, he has been told he's NOT going to get an education until he gets his own transportation, and this kid is about as mature as a cow plop on the top of the fertilizer pile, and a DOG, and a Dane to boot? Could he have picked a bigger health risk? Stomach flips, brain swelling and bad hips? I love them, my girlfriend has lost 3 and we showed them when I was younger. I know what happens when/if something happens to that dog? It won't get taken care of and I'll flip. ARRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrGH.
GOD? DO YOU ENJOY MAKING ME SUFFER MORE THAN JOB?
Honest to pete....and he's going to ride a donkey to work? MY @.
Now I remember why he's there, and I'm here...and I'm in counseling.
(exhale)
Thanks for listening....when will the reality fairy wave her wand over difficult child? Does it ever EVER happen?
So when he moved out on his own and those TOUGH LOVE lessons hit him smack in the kisser, you would think (because I did) that he would start to understand that Mom wasn't a cash cow, an ogre, or a tightwad. Wouldn't YOU think that on his own living in a group home where he had to PAY for things for himself, cook his food, and get a job to pay back the courts and his probation officer (Gosh that looked weird to type) that he would START to get an inkling of responsibility? Really? Well, I did. Color me dumb. (that's a few shades lighter than genious)
So I get the call:
Hi Mom checking in with you.
/Good how are you?
Fine, my allergies are bad, I've been bailing hay.
/You always told me you couldn't cut the grass even with a mask because of those allergies, and now you're bailing hay? WOW!
MOM, please don't start.
/(ME? thinking all the years I pushed mowed the yard before the little Snapper came along) Oh okay
Yeah and Mr X is taking me to get my learners permit
/(ME? fainting on the floor and slipping in my imaginary vomit)
OH really? What car are you going to drive for practice?
Mr X's
/And what insurance do you think you are under while you are doing this?
OHHHHH MOM......there you go.....don't worry. Mr. X said all the boys here get insurance under him.
/(Me? I don't think soo) OH I see and how much is this?
Sixty dollars a month AND AND MOM? MOM? His brother owns a car lot and I'm going to get one of their cars.
/(ME? Slippin in that imaginary vomit for the second time) Gosh that's cheaper than mine and I'm a...nevermind. Congratulations
Yeah....and Mr. X's sisters, husband's son dog just had puppies and I'm going to get one.
/OH HECK NO YOU ARE NOT. NO, I mean it.
Well you said (stretching the word out) I could have whatever I wanted when I moved out.
/(ME? Not a a live whatever) Yes but a dog is expensive and you need to work on your education and....
Education? No one here has transportation or time for that we're always in the field working school can wait...Mr. X said there is no school close.
/(ME? No school close or just during harvest?ARGH) That's not what we discussed son, you're to get a GED and pay on your tuition by getting a job.
Oh yea....I filled out some applications, but I'd have to ride the donkey into work that's why I was going to get a car.
(ME? DON...DON WHAT? DONKEY? ARE YOU INSANE AREYOU REALLY MY KID? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)
Mom? You didn't say anything.
/(ME getting up off the floor for the third time) OHhhh (calmly) I think that you are doing well for yourself. No education, no prospects of it, no job, probation due in a week and you're riding a [email protected] to work....LOVERLY. Does he have a CD player?
WHO?
/THE DONKEY. Where else would you put the not otherwise specified CD? Don't answer
VERY FUNNY MOM. I'm trying to tell you about MY LIFE and you are talking about a [email protected]
/NO YOU said when you left GED, job, probation and now you are telling me - NO education, you're going to buy a car, pay for insurance, get a dog - what kind of dog?
A DANE
/(Me? Down for the 4th time - I should just stay down)
/WOW -
Yup, I'm going to get him in a week or so. No one wants him he wasn't the right color.
/WOW-
And I already know which car I want
/WOW
Is that all you can say?
/No...sounds like you have a plan.
YUP! And I'm doing it ALL WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
/Well terrific son.
Well just wanted to call and tell you how I'm doing.
/Glad you called. Love you - bye.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If I had a nickle for every time I slapped my hand over my mouth in this conversation my lips would look like a puffer fish.
IS HE FOR REALity?
A car, insurance for $60.00 at 17 years and NOT under my policy because Mr. X says he lives under HIS roof not mine. WOnder how THAT plays out when he hits someone? A car from Mr. X's brother's car lot, he works in Mr. X's other brothers fields, he has been told he's NOT going to get an education until he gets his own transportation, and this kid is about as mature as a cow plop on the top of the fertilizer pile, and a DOG, and a Dane to boot? Could he have picked a bigger health risk? Stomach flips, brain swelling and bad hips? I love them, my girlfriend has lost 3 and we showed them when I was younger. I know what happens when/if something happens to that dog? It won't get taken care of and I'll flip. ARRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrGH.
GOD? DO YOU ENJOY MAKING ME SUFFER MORE THAN JOB?
Honest to pete....and he's going to ride a donkey to work? MY @.
Now I remember why he's there, and I'm here...and I'm in counseling.
(exhale)
Thanks for listening....when will the reality fairy wave her wand over difficult child? Does it ever EVER happen?
