donna723
Well-Known Member
This will probably be long " sorry.
Some of you who have been around for a while may remember what happened with my son four years ago … he made a very serious suicide attempt and almost didn't make it. He was 24 at the time and had just been married for three weeks when his ‘wife' decided that she didn't want to be married and left with another man. My son took at least 40 Elavils and had to be life-flighted to a trauma center where he spent five days on a ventilator in a coma before he regained consciousness. He came so very close.
Afterwards, he came to terms with it and has seemingly been doing fine since then. He's 28 now. He has a good job, tons of friends, and a new girlfriend that he's just started seeing … a really NICE girl! He seemed to be doing so well that I was absolutely shocked late one night three weeks ago to get a call from the police officer wife of one of his friends … she said he had cut his wrist and was in the hospital ER, could I come. He lives two counties away from me but of course I got there in record time! The physical damage wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be. He had only cut the skin, no veins or tendons, it only required stitches to close. He lost some blood but not enough to be dangerous, no transfusions required. He never lost consciousness. And almost as soon as he did it and couldn't stop the bleeding, he got scared and called his friend (husband of the police officer) who lives very close. He came right over, tried to stop the bleeding, then called an ambulance. I asked him if he had wanted to die " he said 'no'. I asked him why he had done it " he said 'I don't know'. That night he had gotten into an argument with his roommate but they had pretty well resolved the issue. And earlier in the day he had lost some money " $200 - his wallet fell out of his back pocket, he came back to find the wallet with everything intact but the money was gone.
The ER staff would not allow him to do anything until the social worker from the mental health agency came to evaluate him. They wouldn't allow him to go outside (even with me or a member of the ER staff) to smoke a cigarette. He'd been almost four hours without one and was climbing the walls by then. They wouldn't even allow him to come out of the tiny exam room he was in except to use the bathroom and he did not handle it well at all. Finally, after a three hour wait, the social worker came and talked with him and with me. By this time he seemed like his old self again and just wanted to leave. She didn't get much more out of him than I did. They could have kept him for evaluation for three days, since it was the second time he had harmed himself. He was so afraid of losing his job, he practically begged her to let him go. She agreed, on the condition that he make an appointment to begin counseling, and that he go home with me that night, which he did. I took him home the next day.
That was three weeks ago and since then, he's been caught up in the ‘system', just trying to get back to work! Three weeks without a paycheck! The HR lady where he works told him that he must have both a release from a mental health professional and a medical release to come back " no problem. His counseling appointment. was almost three weeks from then (last Friday) but he thought he could go in beforehand and get a release, but never could catch up with the right person and no one else would do it. Then, after a week and a half, the HR lady at work told him, no, the release had to be from a psychiatrist who had given him a complete evaluation and it must be someone on their insurance network! There were only three on their network " two don't even answer their phones and the third couldn't work him in until late September! Another one, not on their network, wanted $750 cash before he could even walk in their door! And she said that he must have this same release to be put on temporary disability, so still no paycheck! It's like they were just trying to push him over the edge! He had his counseling appointment. last Friday. He said that the counselor was an older lady, he actually liked her, and he had made another appointment. to see her.! The counselor wrote him a long, detailed letter to his employer saying that he was fine to go back to work " he took this in to work and gave it to the HR lady, said take it or leave it. She STILL said no, it had to be from a psychiatrist! But she did call their main office, out of state, and let him talk to their central HR people. Turns out she was WRONG! They agreed to accept the counselors letter and to waive the requirement for the psychiatrist since none were available. And they said he should have been put on temporary disability immediately, so he would have a paycheck coming in. So … he goes back to work on Monday and as soon as the paperwork goes through, he will be given the three weeks of disability pay retroactively. Of course, the rent is due now! I wish I could help him more financially but I just can't. His sister and brother in law did loan him some to tide him over though.
I THINK he's OK now, but of course, I thought that before this happened too! I have to stress that my son is a great guy that everybody knows and loves. He's a decent, kind, honest, thoughtful, hardworking person that everyone respects. He's good looking, has an astronomical IQ and a wicked sense of humor. He does not drink or do drugs. But he also grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father who made it very clear to him that he was NOT the favorite child and treated him like dirt. He learned very early on to keep his mouth shut and stay out of the way. He had a horrible example set for him and he chose not to follow it, and I am extremely proud of the man he has grown up to be. But he is so closed-mouthed, you will never know what is going on in his head! He could be feeling laid back and happy or he could be going through intense turmoil inside and you'd never know. He has lots and lots of unexpressed anger in him just below the surface. And he is also the most impatient, most easily frustrated person there ever was with. He simply cannot handle frustrations or conflict of any kind. And where someone else might take it out on others or self-medicate with alcohol or drugs (like his father!), he turns it on himself. I think this time scared him enough that he knows he needs help and he needs someone he can finally open up to and not keep all that inside of him till it explodes. To me, it's a very good sign that he has agreed to keep seeing this counselor and that he's not saying that he doesn't need to go. I told him that if he didn't go, I would drag him in!
Sorry " this got even longer than I thought it would, but I have no one else to talk to about this but you all, and I know that you will understand where perhaps others wouldn't. I thought this was all behind us and now I'm sitting here waiting for 'the other shoe to drop' again! So if you have any suggestions or a few spare prayers you could send up for my big goofy kid (who is not a kid anymore) it would really be appreciated.
Some of you who have been around for a while may remember what happened with my son four years ago … he made a very serious suicide attempt and almost didn't make it. He was 24 at the time and had just been married for three weeks when his ‘wife' decided that she didn't want to be married and left with another man. My son took at least 40 Elavils and had to be life-flighted to a trauma center where he spent five days on a ventilator in a coma before he regained consciousness. He came so very close.
Afterwards, he came to terms with it and has seemingly been doing fine since then. He's 28 now. He has a good job, tons of friends, and a new girlfriend that he's just started seeing … a really NICE girl! He seemed to be doing so well that I was absolutely shocked late one night three weeks ago to get a call from the police officer wife of one of his friends … she said he had cut his wrist and was in the hospital ER, could I come. He lives two counties away from me but of course I got there in record time! The physical damage wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be. He had only cut the skin, no veins or tendons, it only required stitches to close. He lost some blood but not enough to be dangerous, no transfusions required. He never lost consciousness. And almost as soon as he did it and couldn't stop the bleeding, he got scared and called his friend (husband of the police officer) who lives very close. He came right over, tried to stop the bleeding, then called an ambulance. I asked him if he had wanted to die " he said 'no'. I asked him why he had done it " he said 'I don't know'. That night he had gotten into an argument with his roommate but they had pretty well resolved the issue. And earlier in the day he had lost some money " $200 - his wallet fell out of his back pocket, he came back to find the wallet with everything intact but the money was gone.
The ER staff would not allow him to do anything until the social worker from the mental health agency came to evaluate him. They wouldn't allow him to go outside (even with me or a member of the ER staff) to smoke a cigarette. He'd been almost four hours without one and was climbing the walls by then. They wouldn't even allow him to come out of the tiny exam room he was in except to use the bathroom and he did not handle it well at all. Finally, after a three hour wait, the social worker came and talked with him and with me. By this time he seemed like his old self again and just wanted to leave. She didn't get much more out of him than I did. They could have kept him for evaluation for three days, since it was the second time he had harmed himself. He was so afraid of losing his job, he practically begged her to let him go. She agreed, on the condition that he make an appointment to begin counseling, and that he go home with me that night, which he did. I took him home the next day.
That was three weeks ago and since then, he's been caught up in the ‘system', just trying to get back to work! Three weeks without a paycheck! The HR lady where he works told him that he must have both a release from a mental health professional and a medical release to come back " no problem. His counseling appointment. was almost three weeks from then (last Friday) but he thought he could go in beforehand and get a release, but never could catch up with the right person and no one else would do it. Then, after a week and a half, the HR lady at work told him, no, the release had to be from a psychiatrist who had given him a complete evaluation and it must be someone on their insurance network! There were only three on their network " two don't even answer their phones and the third couldn't work him in until late September! Another one, not on their network, wanted $750 cash before he could even walk in their door! And she said that he must have this same release to be put on temporary disability, so still no paycheck! It's like they were just trying to push him over the edge! He had his counseling appointment. last Friday. He said that the counselor was an older lady, he actually liked her, and he had made another appointment. to see her.! The counselor wrote him a long, detailed letter to his employer saying that he was fine to go back to work " he took this in to work and gave it to the HR lady, said take it or leave it. She STILL said no, it had to be from a psychiatrist! But she did call their main office, out of state, and let him talk to their central HR people. Turns out she was WRONG! They agreed to accept the counselors letter and to waive the requirement for the psychiatrist since none were available. And they said he should have been put on temporary disability immediately, so he would have a paycheck coming in. So … he goes back to work on Monday and as soon as the paperwork goes through, he will be given the three weeks of disability pay retroactively. Of course, the rent is due now! I wish I could help him more financially but I just can't. His sister and brother in law did loan him some to tide him over though.
I THINK he's OK now, but of course, I thought that before this happened too! I have to stress that my son is a great guy that everybody knows and loves. He's a decent, kind, honest, thoughtful, hardworking person that everyone respects. He's good looking, has an astronomical IQ and a wicked sense of humor. He does not drink or do drugs. But he also grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father who made it very clear to him that he was NOT the favorite child and treated him like dirt. He learned very early on to keep his mouth shut and stay out of the way. He had a horrible example set for him and he chose not to follow it, and I am extremely proud of the man he has grown up to be. But he is so closed-mouthed, you will never know what is going on in his head! He could be feeling laid back and happy or he could be going through intense turmoil inside and you'd never know. He has lots and lots of unexpressed anger in him just below the surface. And he is also the most impatient, most easily frustrated person there ever was with. He simply cannot handle frustrations or conflict of any kind. And where someone else might take it out on others or self-medicate with alcohol or drugs (like his father!), he turns it on himself. I think this time scared him enough that he knows he needs help and he needs someone he can finally open up to and not keep all that inside of him till it explodes. To me, it's a very good sign that he has agreed to keep seeing this counselor and that he's not saying that he doesn't need to go. I told him that if he didn't go, I would drag him in!
Sorry " this got even longer than I thought it would, but I have no one else to talk to about this but you all, and I know that you will understand where perhaps others wouldn't. I thought this was all behind us and now I'm sitting here waiting for 'the other shoe to drop' again! So if you have any suggestions or a few spare prayers you could send up for my big goofy kid (who is not a kid anymore) it would really be appreciated.
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