Another "I hate my family" post. Argh

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Dec 19, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    So, remember how warm and fuzzy I felt after my loco sister and I had that wonderful discussion about mom and her future placement and how if there was a meeting with the state or any DR's we would drive to PA together so that we could all be there??

    Well, today the state is coming to my mom's apt in PA. I was originally set to to go with loco sister. I called her over the weekend to see what was up but of course they never EVER answer their phone or return messages...I never heard back (typical). In the meantime, I received word that TODAY would be the day that I would have to reconcile the year end books for the accountants. I spoke with the accountant yesterday and she said she could probably put it off until Thursday.

    Then my other sister who lives in WV called me and said she was going to the meeting at my mom's house. She also told me that loco sister probably wasn't going because she fell and hurt her back again. Okay. Then, I tried calling my sister in PA who lives near mom and of course no one answers the phone or calls back. So, now I'm kind of on the fence about going at all. Two reasons: The accountant issue at work and my mom has a big fat furry cat. I can't be in her house for more than 10 minutes without getting asthma really really bad that lasts for 2 days.

    So, I leave a message with my sister asking if there will be a DR appointment today as well, because if there is then I will make the drive and go to that but skip the in house meeting with the state. After all, my sisters could tell me what was said and decided, right? But as I said earlier, my sisters never called me back. Well, this morning I called my PA sister to wish her luck and to remind her to call me later with any info and guess what? Loco sister is there, never called me to see if I was going with her, nothing. I was so :censored2: that tears instantly sprung to my eyes and I had to hang up.

    I realize that I was on the fence about going at all because of work and the cat, but she could have at least called me!!! Am I wrong to be angry with her? We're talking about the future care of my mom and I am the one who pushed everyone and got their attention finally. What is that all about?? And if my other sisters knew beforehand, you'd think that one of them would have freakin called me back. OMG - my blood is just boiling. And I feel so left out. And no one ever stands up to this loco sister so it's not like anyone will ask her what her problem is.

    I am SO glad I didn't make any plans with anyone for Christmas this year.

    I am trying to get out of my angry mood now. My assistant is out sick for the 3rd day in a row with a cold, and it's year end, so there is a HUGE crunch going here in the office. My nephew who works PT whenever he feels like it basically is also not here. So, I am alone and I'm just so angry. I need to let this roll off and get on with my day - not let it ruin my spirit. If only I could listen to Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You" all day over and over again....maybe that would do it. I love that song. Always lifts me up.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    That really stinks. But as you said, you were on the fence about going anyway. Could sis have picked up on that and just assumed?? Still it was rude not to at least give you a call back.

    Would you feel comfortable with letting your sisters handle this and you deal with the home front and enjoy your xmas?

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911 - type in LOOKING FOR MARIAH CAREY and the song name - it will pop up and you can save it as an album selection - then play and you can hit the back button and hear it as many times as you want.

    (Sung to Oh Christmas tree) for JoG by Star

    Oh Reconcile, OH Reconcile How lovely are they numbers
    Oh Reconcile, OH Reconcile I forgive [coworkers]their blunders

    There's no one else who'll do this work-
    It's always me- he [my boss]is a jerk

    Id like to just forget this day
    But...accounting never goeeeeeess away

    Second verse:

    Oh sister dear, Thank God she's not near - I believe your crazy
    Oh sister dear, Thank God I'm here - you're memory is hazy

    You forgot to call me back
    But it's okay, cant' take Mom's cat

    You go ahead do what you will -
    And I hope the state sends YOU the bill.

    Moms okay
    I cried today
    Wipe tears away
    I'm cared for - hooray
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Lisa, yes, I obviously have no choice but to let them handle this. And it's not like they won't handle it well, it's just that I was advised by my DR and a nursing home administrator to have my mother seen by a gerontologist specifically because mom is having such horrible memory losses. A gerontologist will be able to asses her full care (with her other doctors input) to see if there is a medicinal issue, or if it's simply old age, Know what I mean?? Well, none of my sisters agree with me and think her general practitioner can handle this but he's the dope who has her on all sorts of medications, many of which cause dementia with long term use. I wanted to be there so that I could get a referral for mom to see a gerontologist from her GP since I know that my sisters won't ask for one. I did insist with my WV sister so maybe she will.

    And although I probably wouldn't have been able to go anyway, that still does not excuse the fact the my loco sister and I AGREED that if one of us was going to PA, we'd let the other know so that if she wanted to go along we could go together. A phone call would have been nice is all.

    Besides, none of her c.r.a.ppy attitide has nothing to do with mom at all. It has to do with her. My counselor told me a long time ago that my sister has narcissistic personality disorder. She is paranoid, thinks people talk about her behind her back, she gets furious if any of her kids talk to me or my other sisters without her knowledge (her kids are 19,22,26). My sister is truly nuts and the things my nephew has been telling me about her behavior lately make me wonder if we won't be having a little meeting about where to place her soon!

    Forgive me, I am just so aggravated by her and this whole mess.

    Thanks for the hugs~
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Star}} thank you for that most excellent song! It put a smile on my face and helped me to maybe, kinda, sorta, see that in the big picture, I saved myself some gas and time after all. Nah, that's just the spite in me talking! Haha.

    I have Mariah's song on a cd in my car. I'm going to run out and grab it and drive everyone in my office crazy with it. Haha - sweet revenge.

    I AM still glad I didn't make any plans with my stupidhead family this Christmas though.
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry. I love Star's song! Since your sister is mentally unstable, try not to take what she does to you so personally.

    Try to concentrate on what you have to do today and let everyone else handle the situation with your mother. I'm sure you'll still be able to get a referral for her to see a gerontologist - I agree that this is an excellent idea. If your sister doesn't ask for the referral, can you call your mother's GP? This is such a reasonable request, in my humble opinion!!!!

    Enjoy your holiday without the hassles of your extended family!!! I think you made a wise decision.

    Hugs, WFEN
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Jo, you asked if you should be angry with sister because she didn't call. I think the focus is lost. Being annoyed that she went without calling,yes, but to be mad. I don't think so.

    The point is someone being there with mom and so far they are.
    If the focus is on sibling arguing then it's going to happen.

    You have to realize that each one of you thinks your opinion and plan is the absolute best. If everyone knows best and there is no room for discussion then it's not going to be pleasant.

    You offered to go help but you can't stay in mom's house? Where were you planning to stay? At sister's? I'm not sure I understand how you can be there with sister's if you can't be in the house.

    I hear you being hurt that you were left out but I also hear that you didn't really didn't want to go for work or asthma reasons.

    It's not going to be a pleasant experience. It's unfortunate that your siblings can't help hold each other up because the alternative is bickering, hurt feelings, not talking to each other etc. Maybe that's a better way.

    Trust me, I have had a few go arounds with siblings. I know that feelings do get hurt if we don't talk to each other. Hang in there.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Fran, you are correct - at least someone (or 3) is there for mom's interview with the state. I do realize that that is the most important focus in this situation. The plan was for me and loco sister to go together and we were going to split one night at a hotel - $25/each since we only needed to be there for today. As I said, I was on the fence about meeting with the state appointment because of my mom's cat as the interview took place in her apt. But I had stated very firmly that I wanted to be there for the DR visit, which may even be a moot point now as no one has yet to confirm that there is even a DR appointment in place for today.

    I'm not angry so much because they are there and I'm not. I'm angry because my loco sister does this to me all the time. She seems to take perverse pleasure in making others look stupid or uncaring. I am more than just annoyed because this happens every single solitary time that loco sister is involved and every single solitary time that my siblings have to do anything in an organized and judicial fashion. If it's a party, everything is great but if it's something really important then everything goes to he// in a handbasket. Stupid me, duped again. I should have just changed our close date at work for tomorrow and made the travel plans without loco sister and went by myself on my own schedule, without her. Then, oh boy, would the you know what have hit the fan. But I don't do things like that - I called her to see where we were at, etc., and she never called me back. Can you see how mean that is?

    Furthermore, my loco sister JUST called her H, my brother in law/boss, on his cell and made him close his door so that I couldn't overhear the conversation. Not like I was sitting on the edge of my seat listening anyway and not that my office is anywhere near his My office is on the opposite end of the building and I only overheard her because I happened to be standing at the copier which is just outside his office and she screams when she talks.

    You're totally correct, this shouldn't be about sibling crud and I won't allow it to become about that. I'm just letting off some steam.

    Ultimately I love my mom and want her to have the services she needs in place. And I do trust my sisters to make sure she gets at least some help.

    I've already been detaching from loco sister for a while now, so that part of it won't be such a bother.

    However, I do feel that I am entitled to vent in a safe place to friends and family outside of my family about it and well, here I am. If I don't vent about it, I will hold it in and that's not healthy either.
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Jo! Do you have the gp's name & number? Call ahead of the visit and tell the office staff that you want them to walk out of there with a referral. This way loco et al will have it when they leave, you didn't drive from CT to PA with a wack-job, your accountant will be thrilled with the work you did, you don't have to spend ANY Christmas time with anyone you don't want to and you win the lottery! (Oh sorry, that last one was for MY fantasy!)!

    Let us know how it goes and screw them, enjoy the holiday in spite of it all!

    Ho! Ho! Ho! (That's what I call MY 3 evil sisters!)


  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Beth - thanks for the laugh. I actually have called the GP and they won't speak with me because they A) haven't met me in person and B) PA sister had poa for my mom so they will only speak with her. I think PA sister will get the referral if I press her enough.

    You make a great point about not having to spend all that time with loco sister - it's so stressful I end up getting indigestion from just being with her. So, I guess I will give thanks that it worked out this way. Mom will be fine. As the morning wears on and I have the opportunity to 'talk' this out [here] I am feeling better.

    Everyone has made some great points, interjected with some good humor.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I say vent away. I know exactly what you mean. Just typing it helps a great deal when I am frustrated.
    I would have said nothing if you hadn't asked an opinion.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    No, Fran, opinions welcome!