Hallo everyone Ive browsed this forum a bit and I am quite sure I can get some good advice and a few shoulders to cry on here. Normally, me, husband & 3 kids in the house are a happy, busy bunch without any major hassles. Enters difficult child he normally stays with his mom, but she upped and left for 4 months for the UK and before we knew he was our responsibility (we stay about 4 hours from them, so we normally only see him during holidays for a week or 2). He has now been with us for 8 weeks and I am at the end of my wits. We were aware that he has ADHD, and has had some problems in the past, but as he only visits us for short periods at a time we did not realise how bad it gets. In frustration, I googled and found ODD a perfect fit. When husband asked birthmom about it the answer was that yes, he was diagnosed with it, but she didnt actually take the time to share this with us (or anyone else for that matter). In addition of having to deal with a 12-year old lying, stealing, bullying the smaller children and generally disrupting our whole household, he is home-schooled. As it is currently the second term of the schoolyear here in South Africa, me and husband (who both have full-time jobs) have had to motivate, check schoolwork, etc. after work and over weekends. We have had to employ a nanny full-time (to partly make sure that he does not burn down the house, etc). The schoolwork is an endless battle. We have caught him breaking into a cupboard that was locked, copying the answers of the whole weeks schoolwork from the memoranda in the cupboard (but not with enough changes so I wont notice), and then lying about it when caught out. I have a list that can go on and on and on. We went on holiday for a week and the police were actually called in once to deal with him. Now, seeing as there is no communication from birthmom about this situation, and she is quite unapproachable about her son, we do not know what to do next. Obviously this kid needs some serious help. We have tried to get to see a specialist to review the medication, but can only get an appointment in September. In addition, birthmom is a nurse, so thinks she has everything under control. He is going back to his hometown in 3 weeks time to write exams. After that his birthmom is back, and I have no idea what will happen then. All I know is if that someone doesnt take responsibility for this whole situation, I dont know where he might end up. I am very very tired of fighting all the time. Nothing helps asking nicely, taking away privileges, screaming, time out, we have tried everything. He just ignores you and then does exactly what he wants to. He has no social skills whatsoever. Everything is my fault, never his. He is very very entitled. And this is seriously affecting the other kids. They are emotional, and fighting because difficult child does not respect anyone else or their belongings. husband is more tired than I am. I know this is temporary, but have this sneaky suspicion that before too long birthmom is going to bail and make it our problem. She has done it once before, with easy child 1 (at around the same age difficult child is now). Any ideas? Because I dont have any.