Hi all,
I'm new here and grateful for your support, insight, and help. Our middle son has struggled, intermittently, throughout life. He actually performs well, or has until this year. With the start of Middle School, he's making a spectacular nosedive that's heartwrenching to watch.
He's at a pretty elite private school, he also plays a musical instrument & until recently devoted 200 min/week to that, plus lesson time, etc. About 2-3 weeks into the school year he began to complain about homework. Not surprising for him. That escalated into not doing homework, which segued into our hiring a tutor for 8 hours/week to help him get back on track. A week into this, he realizes he can't really catch up from the hole he's dug from the 10 days or so of no homework. This leads to 2 days of school refusal. The school psychiatric directed us to use the psychiatric er on the 2nd day to have him seen emergently and get a better picture of what was going on. They suggested acute anxiety, possible depression, discharge to home, with outpatient group or indiv. therapy. School responded by waiving all past due homework, asking son for what other accommodations would help him feel more at ease (he refused any), and school telling him that if homework during this time was too intense, he could tell teachers, who would give him a pass.
Things should be getting better, right? Nope. He's done no homework since that day, which was a week ago. We've cancelled the tutor. What's the use in paying her to watch him not work? Today was the strings concert. He "was sick" Convinced he would do horribly, would be a laughingstock. Nothing could be less true.
Tonight he says he wants to shave his head. That he wants to look like he feels.
Clearly, he's crying harder and louder for help.
We're ready to have him leave his current school, but would prefer that the ending can be a conclusion which he comes to on his own (right now he wants to be there, he says). But, where to go next? He was at another, elite school K-3, that school closed due to $ issues. He was then at a more traditional school, that year was miserable because he was bored, said he learned nothing, and really hated that homework. This is his 2nd yr at the current school. Part of me feels that it would just be good for him to come home and do a few hours of school a day here, online, perhaps. The other part of me thinks I'm nuts to even consider this---how will I ever motivate him entirely on my own? He can be really, really ugly at home when he's upset. In public, he's the sweetest thing ever. Well liked by all. Why would I set myself up for failure? And how about him? Would he even learn anything? Not if every day looked like today.
Of course, you can all guess that in the midst of all of this are medication changes related to his ADHD. Adderall is his wonder drug, except when it's not. Stimulants, and many medications, don't play very nicely with his system. We've hooked up with a child psychologist (he'll do weekly indiv), have an initial consultation set with a child psychiatrist.
Any ideas about how to parent through this, and what educational settings can best help this type of child are very appreciated.
With thanks,
hlppls
I'm new here and grateful for your support, insight, and help. Our middle son has struggled, intermittently, throughout life. He actually performs well, or has until this year. With the start of Middle School, he's making a spectacular nosedive that's heartwrenching to watch.
He's at a pretty elite private school, he also plays a musical instrument & until recently devoted 200 min/week to that, plus lesson time, etc. About 2-3 weeks into the school year he began to complain about homework. Not surprising for him. That escalated into not doing homework, which segued into our hiring a tutor for 8 hours/week to help him get back on track. A week into this, he realizes he can't really catch up from the hole he's dug from the 10 days or so of no homework. This leads to 2 days of school refusal. The school psychiatric directed us to use the psychiatric er on the 2nd day to have him seen emergently and get a better picture of what was going on. They suggested acute anxiety, possible depression, discharge to home, with outpatient group or indiv. therapy. School responded by waiving all past due homework, asking son for what other accommodations would help him feel more at ease (he refused any), and school telling him that if homework during this time was too intense, he could tell teachers, who would give him a pass.
Things should be getting better, right? Nope. He's done no homework since that day, which was a week ago. We've cancelled the tutor. What's the use in paying her to watch him not work? Today was the strings concert. He "was sick" Convinced he would do horribly, would be a laughingstock. Nothing could be less true.
Tonight he says he wants to shave his head. That he wants to look like he feels.
Clearly, he's crying harder and louder for help.
We're ready to have him leave his current school, but would prefer that the ending can be a conclusion which he comes to on his own (right now he wants to be there, he says). But, where to go next? He was at another, elite school K-3, that school closed due to $ issues. He was then at a more traditional school, that year was miserable because he was bored, said he learned nothing, and really hated that homework. This is his 2nd yr at the current school. Part of me feels that it would just be good for him to come home and do a few hours of school a day here, online, perhaps. The other part of me thinks I'm nuts to even consider this---how will I ever motivate him entirely on my own? He can be really, really ugly at home when he's upset. In public, he's the sweetest thing ever. Well liked by all. Why would I set myself up for failure? And how about him? Would he even learn anything? Not if every day looked like today.
Of course, you can all guess that in the midst of all of this are medication changes related to his ADHD. Adderall is his wonder drug, except when it's not. Stimulants, and many medications, don't play very nicely with his system. We've hooked up with a child psychologist (he'll do weekly indiv), have an initial consultation set with a child psychiatrist.
Any ideas about how to parent through this, and what educational settings can best help this type of child are very appreciated.
With thanks,
hlppls