Another Sleepless Night

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by StillStanding, Dec 18, 2017.

  1. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Wish me luck as I try to fake my way through another day. I couldn't sleep again last night. My heart is so heavy with hopelessness.
     
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    If you have not already done so, I suggest that you consider seeking out some support for yourself. Therapy, with or without self-help groups such as Al-Anon, will help you turn your focus away from your son's problems, and onto your own life.

    Unfortunately, you cannot do anything about your adult child's choices. The only person you can control is YOU. Accepting this reality is in my opinion, the only way out of the insanity and chaos our difficult children cause.

    Love him. Always love him. But set him free to live his own life, make his own choices and learn from his own mistakes (or not). You will never change him, and trying to do so will only make the situation worse.

    Unfortunately, detachment with love is the path we face.

    Our families are not normal, Hallmark families. We will not gather under the Christmas tree to celebrate the wonderful, healthy and happy lives our children have built. None of us who are regulars on this board can say that our kids turned out the way we hoped - at least, not without walking through Hell first.

    There are many other families like ours, most too frightened and ashamed to admit that all is not perfect. At least we have each other to rely on.

    There is hope, but we cannot bank on it. We must accept each day as it is.
     
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  3. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Still. I'm so sorry. I've had many sleepless nights and faked it the next day...in some context, I feel faking it really helps. It is the going on with the life you have, not the one you wish for...So many times I needed to get out of myself and realize "this is not all there is". Find those few close people who you can be honest with and do so, but not continually. Post here and begin to realize the value of your life.

    You've done all you can.. Our son is also learning disabled and that has so blurred my ability to discern what enables or not. The old question of what he is truly capable of in supporting himself. I remind myself that regardless he does know right and wrong. He has chosen the easy way, the dishonest way, the "crazy" way so many times. I can't fix that, nor should I reward it. So, I reward forward progress as long as I feel good about it, if I find myself resenting it, I stop. There is some beauty in knowing I have the right to choose, for so many years I thought I had to help.

    Hold tight, you are stronger than you think, we are here. Prayers.
     
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  4. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    ALSO- I read once about a woman, who for a few minutes couldn't find her four year old at a playground....
    This is what she repeated: Is God in control? Yes.
    Does He know where my son is? Yes.
    Can he take care of him? Yes.
    Can He help me? Certainly.
    I have this on a sticky note on my nightstand, memorizing and repeating it has calmed some of my "fears of the night". It's really not my battle.
     
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  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    My heart goes out to you. We have all been there. It is so difficult. Do try to find some way to calm your mind and get some sleep.
     
  6. rosanna-d

    rosanna-d New Member

    My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain. I’m
    Having many sleepless nights and faking my way through the day. Hugs to you
     
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  7. rosanna-d

    rosanna-d New Member

    Love what you’ve said here. Thank you
     
  8. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Thank you to everyone for your support. It's so funny that I wouldn't recognize any of you in the grocery store but you are my closest confidantes.

    I accept that I MUST find some help for myself. I had a couple of bad experiences trying to find a therapist but I have to try again.
     
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  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    SS, if it feels right, try goodtherapy.org and the Psychology today website, both offer ways of finding local therapists.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I suggest when getting a therapist (I have had many in my life) to perhaps look for a woman who is within ten years of your age. My experiences have been that most of the men did not understand how a mother thinks (and in my opinion mother-think is usually different from father-think) and when the therapist was too young to have had our life experiences, it did not help that much for me either. Of course, this is just me.

    There are good therapists out there. If one rubs you wrong, just quit and find another. They work for us, not the other way around. Don't be afraid to get up and leave, even in the middle of a session, if you feel a particular therapist is, say, blaming you. And don't stop looking for help because the first one doesn't resonate. Somebody will!
     
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