Another vacation ruined by difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jen, Mar 8, 2007.

  1. Jen

    Jen New Member

    It was so nice to get away, and the trip to Hawaii was beautiful, but 3 days before coming home, we find out that our house was trashed, my daughters husband stereo system stolen, along with our window into our basement broken.

    We had the 15 yr old boy down the streetcheck the house daily, adn feed the cat. I spoke with his Mom and found out about all this. Obviously a party had happened the weekend we left. Our son had a party planned but at his own house. He had no key to get in, because we had all the locks changed before we left. Of course, memory serves us, prior to all locks changed he was coming into our home during the night before going to his job. I am sure now he took a new key esp. since husband never hid them while in the process of changing locks.

    Anyway, the boy tells his Mom 4 days later about the mess in our house, she takes pics to show us when we get home, and so he isnt blamed for it. My difficult child son's wife has a baby 4 days after the party ( they took it by c section) . We call find out all this 3 days before coming home after daughter comes into town to meet her new nephew. After she investigated what was gone was he husband DJ stereo systme, broken glassware of hers stored in the basement, adn a basement window broke out, and a letter left pointing it towards my sister in law brother (long story there). Anyway she questions difficult child he denies it, she has an investigation, and in the meantime she finds her stuff that is missing in the back seat of his jeep. The house also had been cleaned and the garbage was in the backseat of his car. The cops are involved.

    My easy child daughter then gave difficult child and out so officers wont press charges, now they are waiting to hear from us in regards to breaking and entering, because we did not give him permission to come in. Well I am left to deal with this crap as ususal, not going to. Spoke with difficult child, and told him if it werent for his son, cause wife isnt telling the truth either I would turn him in. I told him the next time we will file charges.

    AS far as the 15 yo guess my difficult child then tried to blame the incident on him via the officer that told the boys mom. She tells me that giving her son 25.00 for the week isnt going to cut the issues they have had to deal with this last week. I understand how she feels, but the pay is not her decision to make, and I personaly did nothing to bring this on. I listened then she became verbally nasty, and I had to hang up on her.

    Then while we were gone difficult child had contact with his ex g/f , that his other children, that he got to talk with. Her boyfriend. that she went back to after a fight that was phsysical , wakes me out of a dead sleep, cussing me out.

    OK so why am I so nice and put up with the abuse of my difficult child son, friend down the street, adn my grandchildrens MOms new boyfriend?

  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I can't believe you came home to that!!!! You should press charges against difficult child. He broke in and trashed your home!!!!
    I know my difficult child broke into our house and stole some stuff from us and pawned it, and no I didn't call the police, but I did get the stuff back and it has never happened again, so maybe I shouldn't talk, but he never trashed my home.

    I think at this point, since all that stuff was found in his car, I would change the locks again and totally detatch from him. Right now he is learning that it's o.k., and he will do it again.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Jen, if you think he had a key, why was there a broken basement window?

  4. Ally

    Ally New Member

    I would definately have charges pressed against your difficult child. Otherwise you are giving him the message that he can get away with it. I understand that he just had a child, BUT what kind of role model will he be to that child if this is the way he behaves. Adults dont behave the way he is. He needs to be held accountable for his actions, its the only way they learn. (or so we hope)

  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Suz, I don't know how Jen's difficult child thinks, but I know mine would break the window to throw off suspicion that he got in with a key.

    Jen, so does difficult child have any knowledge where the stereo equipment is? I would not be allowing difficult child on your property period. Just my two cents....

    Sometimes the vacations seem like they aren't worth it....just typical life with difficult children....
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    it is a shame your vacation memories are overshadowed by this situation.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Interesting WMM- you could be right. Rob was always such a lousy criminal he wouldn't have thought of that.

  8. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I beleive he was the one here for this party.

    I beleive that he staged the broken window incident to try and throw off the blame. It is his style, but he refuses to acknowledge that it was him, and his wife is standing behind him.

    My easy child daughter as a said found the stereo system in his car, adn did get it back. The police is aware of this but he told the sherriff that the stuff was in the garage, and placed it in his car before someone stole that. The equipment was in the house not the garage, the sherriff doesnt know that, but I do.

    As for the house and the caretaker and her son. She dropped the pics off in the mailbox with a letter. I saw the pics, adn she exaggerrated on my house bewing trashed, even though my difficult child had no business being here. She took a picture of my bathroom mirror that has been broken for 3 yrs. The kitchen had a pan with cookies setting on it on the stove, and the garbage was 3 empty cartons of beer. She took some before and after pics of clean up. My refig did have whoever alcohol in it. My son likes bicardi but the Miller hi light is what my care taker drinks. The basements mess consisted of the pool table cover off, poker chips, and sleeping bag on the floor, and 2 erty plates and 2 bottles of beer on a table. Oh and a wad of blonde hair like a wig attachment for the crown of your head. I have met my daughter in law friends no one has that hair color.

    The letter the Mom of the boy that took care of the house for us says, she agrees that we should pay her son for 25.00 care of cat and house, but the family should pay him 75.00 for embarassment and having talk with the police. Once I pay her that money then she will give us our house key back via police. What do you all think of that?

    Thius had been a real diff. week, and I will post another time on that. The officer has left a message everyday as to what we want to do, but I cannot even go there. I dont want to deal with it anymopre, like my husband has basically done for yrs. This is the closest my difficult child has ever gotten to being caught red handed. Has he learned a lesson? I dont know, but I told him if there was a next time I will turn him in, adn to H... with his new wife and their newborn baby.


  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Change the locks and let the neighbor keep the old key....$75 for embarrassment????

    How much do you want to stay friends with this family?
  10. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Sounds like a bit of blackmail to me. If changing the locks is more expensive than $75, Id give it to her, if not, change the locks.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Not your fault he was embarrassed. Not your fault your house was broken into. She could take it to court but she doesn't have a leg to stand on. so yu have to decide if 75 bucks is worth her shutting up about it. As for your difficult child I say press charges. You say you will the next time what will be different?
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Forget the key. Its obvious you need the locks changed. Don't even address the $75. Ignore any mention of it. Give the $25 to the person who earned it. That was your agreed upon amount. Don't get into any argument with that nut. Don't worry if they want to pursue it, they will end up having to pay you for the locks being changed. Holding your key hostage? Until they extort more money?-Please, if they want to pursue it anywhere else, let them. I'm so sorry about everything that has happened, I know how dissapointing this is. difficult child thinks he got away with it. I recall not knowing what I would find when I came home from WORK. I hope you had some fun on your vacation anyway.-Alyssa
  13. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Thanks for kind words and everyones advice.

    Ironically she called to day, and was very nice. She sent her son down for 25.00 and the pictures I asked her to go ahead and develop. Since her husband is deceased we took her under our wing at times, adn it worked well both ways for a long time, but no longer. She was going to make another comment , adn then bit her tongue. Son came down in a truck driven by his freinds Dad, that was watching our transaction while standing on our driveway.