I am deeply and profoundly depressed and unhappy. I know why I am unhappy. I don't need or want therapy because I don't need to talk about it. I have been there done that and it was useless for me. I have enough insight in to my life that i can dispense with counseling. Ironicaclly, one of my closest friends is a shrink and she cites me as an example of someone who deals with problems in a positive way. I won't discuss my issues with her - she is my friend, not my doctor and I won't ask her for medications. What I do want is to find an anti-depressant that will NOT make me gain weight because my weight is a large (ha ha) part of my overall depressed feelings. I used to take Lexapro but my current insurance doesn't cover it. It helped alot. I do not have anxiety. I am not bipolar, schizophrenic or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I do not have borderline personality disorder or any thing else. I have deep and profound SITUATIONAL depression and I can't change the situation at this time. I have never been this low for so long and I am afraid it will affect my job performance. I wear the same few items of clothing over and over again because I refuse to buy fat clothing with money I don't have. I need a haircut desperately but am too angry at H to let him do it as he usually does and can't justify paying for it. I cut my fingernails only because I have to or my stockings will rip. I brush my teeth just so my children will have an example. I don't shower every day because I don't want to use water or oil. The only things I have energy for are my work (which I love) and my two youngest kids. I have basically given up on difficult child - who is a brilliant underachieving HS junior. I get up, go to work, come home, sometimes I eat dinner. I go to my room (H has been sleeping on the couch for the past few months) where my 2 youngest come to do their HW, I watch TV, go on the computer, do more work, go to bed and do it over again. Part of why I need to deal with it now is because D will be home from college next week. That means I have to toss difficult child out of D's room and send him back on to the couch (long story involving H's failure to do work around the house, another issue) and have H back in my room. I need medications to deal with him being back in here with me. I'm not suicidal and I don't have a death wish. I just want to be able to smile without having to think "Oh, yes, I should smile now. Let's see, how do I do that again?" I feel like a pod person. I am not generally an unhappy person, I have had the blues on occasion but I'm not clinically depressed. If anyone can suggest some anti-d that might help me, I can concoct a reason to ask my PCP for a scrip. Thanks for listening.