Hi everyone, This is my first post so please forgive my ramblings. I will try and make it as clear as I can. I am 54, married for 14 years and have a 27 yr old son from first Marriage. My son has always struggled with anxiety, depression and when young, was medicated for adhd. He was a handful till his teens, when he decided he didn’t want to be on medications anymor and did well. He was never into drugs or alcohol beyond typical teenage experimentation. He’s always been a deep thinker, highly intelligent but frustratingly lacking some common sense. After high school he started electrical apprenticeship and went up north to work. Met a girl, moved to her city and worked from there. He was happy and healthy. Then three years ago he got laid off, fell into depression. Started having major digestion problems. And anxiety reared it’s head again. He came home last summer to see if getting back to family dr would help. He had major anxiety attacks. I so saw myself in him at that age as I suffered for years with anxiety. It ruled my life and until I had a major breakdown at 38, it was awful. Four years of therapy and medication helped me. I tried to share my stories. Empathize. Plead for him to get help and not waste years as I did. He went back to the city where he lived fOr another year. Came home this past June to try it again. Having lost 40lbs, which he can’t spare to lose. If you saw him you’d swear he was on drugs. But he’s not. Or alcohol. Not. His anxiety and depression have gone over the top and he has some serious deficiencies due to his digestive issues. No cortisol or b 12. He won’t take a vitamin as he doesn’t “trust” it. Three episodes at home of angry outbursts, again not how he normally is. First a small broken glass, second he kicked a glass door, that was when I told him he had the leave. He screamed at me that he didn’t want to be here. He doesn’t sleep at night. Doesn’t want to be up during the day cause there’s “no reason to be”. Hasn’t worked in three years. Hasn’t had income since April. Yes I’ve enabled. I’ve paid for things. He’s so malnourished I can’t let him starve. Last outburst was serious and he harmed himself. Not intentionally but smashed a glass blender jar on counter and severed two tendons and a nerve in his hand. Surgery, therapy. Pleaded with hospital to keep him for observation. Even the family dr tried, but nope. When my son is calm, he presents very well. He’s well spoken, conversational, etc. He’s been with best friend since this happened November 1. Can’t stay there anymore and now he’s days away from being homeless. I am sick over this. If he would just go get help. If he would just try then I could say it’s ok to come home while you get better. That’s what I tell myself. I’m so afraid for my son. I experienced trauma and loss is in my life young, and I don’t know what i would do if I lost him. How do you look at yourself in the mirror and sleep in your warm bed when your child is hurting and homeless. Thank you for reading.