Anyone ever notice we are falling apart???

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: The_Loan_Ranger</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Okay, okay....but WHAT IF....
WHAT IF ALL MOTHERS of difficult child'S STARTED PUTTING THEMSELVES 1st?
WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?
WHAT COULD BE THE WORST SCENARIO?
Seriously - this is important -
Why does it take until we are disease ridden and near death before we do ANYTHING or again and again NOTHING about US, our health. Who WOULD be there for your difficult child if you were NOT?
Go- </div></div>

I suppose exh or H would step in for a while, but I think she'd just be completely out of control and probably not living with us and maybe even dead.

Who is it on the site who has the most excellent quote that reads:

"Like a wrecking ball no longer attached to the chain"? THAT is what it would be like.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Janet,

What a great post!!! In between the laughter, there is so much serious stuff going on here... This post is really making me think!!! I've got to go but want to try and get back here later...WFEN

 

[4sumrzn]

<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>WishingForEmptyNest...I'm with you.....what a great post. It for sure has me giggling & the serious things in there "are close to home". I guess if someone asked me...."are you falling apart because of your difficult child"?. I believe I would say..."yes". Then, feel really bad because I would be admitting I'm not strong enough. BUT, I think I am strong enough...just have to work harder. The taking care of ourselves part...putting ourselves first....it's so dreamy to me!!LOL. Gotta figure out how to do that one</span>

 

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 4sumrzn</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>I guess if someone asked me...."are you falling apart because of your difficult child"?. I believe I would say..."yes". Then, feel really bad because I would be admitting I'm not strong enough. </span> </div></div>

See, I would feel bad for blaming difficult child, as if she doesn't have enough on her shoulders, Know what I mean??

Hmph - had to edit because it occurred to me that feeling bad for putting it on difficult child is kinda sorta like me taking more on isn't it? Jeepers - do they make something like Chantix for this??? :hammer:

 

[DammitJanet]

Lordy I didnt know this was going to get so deep!

It is extremely hard to separate ourselves from our kids when we are in the thick of it I think. Maybe some of us are better at it than others...dont know.

Have any of you ever heard the song "You and me against the world?" Helen Reddy sang it way back when.

<span style="color: #cc33cc"> You and me against the world
Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world
When all the others turn their back and walk away
You can count on me to stay

Remember when the circus came to town
And you were frightened by the clown?
Wasn't it nice to be around someone that you knew?
Someone who was big and strong and looking out for

You and me against the world
Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world
And for all the times we've cried I always felt that
The odds were on our side

And when one of us is gone
And one of us is left to carry on
Then remembering will have to do
Our memories alone will get us through
Think about the days of me and you
Of you and me against the world</span>

husband and I used to think of that song as our song for our little family because we really didnt have anyone but us to rely on. It WAS us against the world. The kids were so hard and we didnt have any family to help. It didnt matter how hard it was for me, I was left to do it all because he had to work to try and eek out a living for us. Somehow we made it. I guess because it was US against the world. Maybe that is why we are such a close little group and why it is so hard on all of us to give up on each other. We have fought so hard for so many years to make it this far.

Ok...this is getting to be a book...lmao. Im getting sappy too.

 

[flutterbee]

See, I'm just angry and frustrated and annoyed. difficult child needs so much from me - she can't help that - and I don't have the resources right now. It makes me feel inadequate and helpless.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Ok, I spent twenty minutes pouring my heart out only to be interrupted by the phone. When I got back here, I must have hit the wrong button and now my thoughts are floating somewhere in cyberspace...

Anyway, I spent all night thinking about this post. A few people said things that stuck in my mind... Sue said that taking care of difficult children is like "Chinese water torture." I totally agree!!! Problem after problem, etc., crisis after crisis, etc., definitely takes its toll. Emotionally I've changed. I used to be a very outgoing person. Now, I crave SILENCE!!! I just find myself wanting to be left alone way too much. I've become hardened and detached from my difficult children. I hate to admit this but lots of the things I do for my difficult children are done only out of my extreme sense of responsibility and out of GUILT. GUILT - I hate this word!!!

WeepingWillow said that "living in a cesspool of negativity takes its toll no matter how much you might want it not to." She went on to talk about how it is impossible for us to put ourselves first. She compared taking care of difficult children to an Iraq soldier trying to take a "day off" from battle when in the middle of a war zone. This is so TRUE!!!

A very minor example of this but one that has bothered me for a long time happened to me last winter. I had the flu and was so weak, sick, and exhausted that I had to set my alarm clock so I could wake up and take care of my difficult children (then ages 14 and 15). :grrr: :grrr:

The STRESS we deal with on a daily basis would probably be unbelievable to those without difficult children. Another very minor example- Remember that phone call that interrupted my train of thought? Well, that was someone from a local hospital reminding me of difficult child 2's evaluation on Monday. She went on to say that they still don't have the referral. I've spent the last month trying to make sure that the referral would be there and that things would go smoothly. :grrr: Now, I have to spend part of this morning trying to get through to a very busy pedi's office, explaining the situation for the zillionth time, and hoping someone will get this mess straightened out before Monday morning... Financially, my difficult children have caused havoc!!! (difficult child 1's crisis from two weeks ago has cost us $315 ($100 copay for emergency room, $140 copay for 4 extra visits to psychiatrist and tdocs, and $75 copay for medication so far...)

Sometimes I just feel like my heart is breaking...I always feel stressed out. I'm pretty good at hiding it though. I keep myself glued together the best I can. And, I dream, hope and pray that my difficult children will be able to live on their own - OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! I have to believe that I won't always have to care for them - Otherwise, I think I would lose my mind...WFEN

 

[DammitJanet]

WFEN...I know...I so know what you mean.

I lived for the time when my kids would be gone. I used to be so emphatic that the day they turned 18 I would never see them again. HA! Look at me now...lol. I have only managed to get one to fly the coop.

I used to say that I really didnt even like kids...mine included. I really couldnt wait for the day when I didnt have to be so involved in dealing with them. It hasnt happened.

The type of involvement has changed somewhat but I am still so completely involved with the two at home. I play taxi to the oldest. I have had to teach him ADL's so he is much more independent but if I dont remind him that the dishes need washing and that dishes includes the pots and pans, they dont get done. If I dont ask for something specific to get done around the house...it doesnt happen...and I am disabled and need all the help I can get.

With Cory...I have to remind him of everything. He cant be responsible to take his own medications, remember his own doctor appointments, remember his own court dates, anything. Of course, he gets annoyed with me over all this involvement in his life so we get into fights about it. I know too much about him he claims. Oh well. If he doesnt want me to know how many court dates he has, dont make me responsible for it then. He even argues with me over how many felonies he is facing and I have the living proof in my hands!

I dont know when I will get them all out of my house. Oldest will be out soonest I think. He is putting his aspie traits wholeheartedly into his new vocational program in HVAC and I think he may do well at it. I never pictured him obsessing over tools and heating and air units but hey...its a job! He is beginning to spout all the info about them the way he used to about nano robotics so I know he is obsessing...lol.

Cory will probably end up in jail or prison and that will be for the best I think. He needs to learn some hard facts of life that only time can teach him. Im almost looking forward to the 13th of this month to see what the judge does to him. Not sure exactly what the court date on the 13th is for...dont think its a trial exactly but he is consolidating all the court cases into one date...and that cant look good. When they see 1 felony forgery checks,3 uttering of forged checks, 1 felony obtaining property under false pretenses, 1 felony larceny well I dont know how that is going to look for him. That is 6 cases. I think there is also supposed to be a case about a house that was stripped of siding and sold but that case is mysteriously missing now. I wonder if it has been dropped. The DA was talking about pleading it down to a misdemeanor when he went last time because there wasnt any evidence on him...only the other guy and the other guy hasnt even been arrested. Hmmmm. We still dont know what the felony larceny is either...Im actually looking forward to finding out what that is! LMAO.

He thinks he is gonna just walk on all this. He is convinced that if Billy and I simply dont show up for court his forgery charges will be dismissed. Uhhhh NOT! For one thing, I wouldnt do that and for another, I would be arrested for failure to comply with a forgery affidavit! Sorry son, Im not doing that for you! Idiot.

 

[nvts]

raising difficult child's can be likened to being pecked to death by ducks

 

[flutterbee]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nvts</div><div class="ubbcode-body">raising difficult child's can be likened to being pecked to death by ducks </div></div>

Amen.

:rofl:

 

[Steely]

:rofl: :rofl:
picked to death by ducks OMG! Funny!

We should start a cute little coffee table book,
"living with a difficult child is like.............."
Unfortunately I think only we would find it funny :wink: The rest would turn us in!

Yes, great thread. We difficult child moms deserve sooooo much in life, and we have gotten so little. There should be some sort of life perks for us from, I don't know, God? Like free Starbucks coffee for life, or free spa days for life, or a resort, on cancun, for us to fly free of charge to whenever we want. Oh well........just dreamin'.

 

[Star*]

okay okay - but THIS is my point EXACTLY and some of us get so wrapped up IN taking care of the little duck peckers that we forget about OURSELVES.

Putting yourself first doesn't necessarily mean, going to the store and buying yourself nice unnecessary things and letting difficult child do without socks or underpants. IT doesn't mean that you take the first, or biggest portion at the dinnertable before the little chineese water torture experts get in the kitchen.

IT DOES mean exactly this : If I were NOT around someone would step up for a while and then my difficult child would probably be running the streets or dead.

If that's not your goal - then take time to make sure you are getting your vitamins, enough sleep, some back up support, take the time to go to counseling and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

WHAT I'm getting at is YOU ARE VERY VALUABLE and WITHOUT YOU? Most of our difficult child's would be in bad shape.

Without you your difficult child would be (You fill in the blank)

That's what taking care of yourself first means.

-although the thought of being pecked to death by ducks or watching difficult child have a melt down with verbal spewing as to what a wonderful MOther I am....would be a toss up.