Those of you who read my posts know my son feels his marriage may be falling apart and I am glad to be his support system and to try to help him. Well...I was better able to do this until I found out that my daughter-in-law HATES me. I am in tears just thinking about it. Hate is such a strong word, and I didn't intentionally do anything to make her hate me. When my grandson George was born, I noticed that he wasn't making good eye contact. At the same time, he wasn't very old and I realized I was being foolish. I teasingly told my daughter J., who was babysitting for George at the time, to check out his eye contact so that she could tell me I was all wet and make me feel better. Unfortunately, J. made the big mistake of telling daughter in law what I said, having no idea that daughter in law would freak out. She just figured everyone would laugh at "nervous mom" and that would be that. I got a very nasty call from daughter in law that my son agreed to let her do. I was horrified at her call--I had meant NO harm, I love my grandson with every breath I have, and I hadn't said anything to daughter in law anyways. She didn't see my demeanor or hear the sound of my voice. She yelled at me that this was what she was afraid of--that I'd be looking for something to be wrong with George. My son backed her up, but I figured, well, she's his wife and they have to remain a team. But I got so upset over my daughter in law's words that I spent a few days suicidal and a step from the hospital. I don't remember how I finally calmed down, but this is NOT how I usually am. I normally have my anxiety disorder/mood disorder under great control...but this was me getting reamed out for something...I didn't mean it malicously, nor even particulary seriously. Ok, fast forward... The next time we visit the grown kids in Illinois we stay with son and daughter in law. daughter in law is rude and unfriendly to everyone, including my 85 year old father, my sister, my younger kids, everyone. They ALL brought it up to me. When I asked if I could take George for a stroll around the block, she said, in a tight voice, "He needs to be by ME now." Yeah, ok. Meanwhile, her own family is with him all the time. Fast forward again. We come in for a weekend and I am playing happily with adorable, precious, perfect George and he spills a drink. Well, hello, it's MY fault because I played with him near the drink (which I hadn't seen). She acted very ticky, accused me of being at fault, and whisked him out of the house. Everyone was stunned after she left. And I barely got to see him. Again. When son asks her about it, she blames it on the fact that I live three hours away, however if this was HER mother, she'd call her every day, send pictures, drive him up to see her etc. In fact the entire family drove to WI to spend time together "so he can get to know his grandmothers" (this is her mom and stepmother). She sure never invited me. Not that I expected it. Now the problem: I desperately needed somebody to talk to about this because I am trying to help my son cope with his marriage and possibly be his sounding and venting board so that he can take things out on ME instead of HER. He really loves her and wants to stay with her and, loving him, I want what HE wants. At the same time, my daughter told met hat she was told that daughter in law HATES me. HATES. I am flabbergasted. That's a very strong word. I did nothing to deserve her hate. I tried to be nice to her when she first joined our family. SHe would call me when she was upset and I would try to help her and be neutral. I told her I loved her. I always praise how good a mother she is. Because of the one misconstrued thing she heard I'd said about George, she HATES me, and, trust me, she acts like she does. I have been so sad since hearing this. So sad. So how can I help my son try to save his marriage when I am so sad about this and when I truly do not LIKE this woman because of how she feels about me and also because I think she's playing nasty games with my son's head? But back to me, she will NEVER allow me to be George's grandma and my son will probably never force the issue either, although maybe he will (I could be catastrophizing here...I have a tendency to do that). I can't talk to her about this. My son has begged me not to talk to her about anything, and I am respecting his wishes. I don't want to make his marriage worse by injecting myself into it as another factor. I never want to see daughter in law again, but, of course, I will. It will be hard to be pleasant, but I'll be civil when we cross paths. As for George, I'm afraid to even pay attention to my precious grandson anymore. What if he breaks something? It will be my fault. I am emotionally detaching from him, which is sad. I waited so long for a grandchild and wanted one badly. So I have questions for you wise moms. 1/How do I support my son's gallant fight for his marriage to a woman I can't stand? What do I say? How do I keep my animosity out of it? Trust me, the marriage is in trouble. 2/How can I get over the hurt? The serenity prayer? 3/Any suggestions on how to put all this into perspective? Right now I feel like taking my loving hub and two kids still at home with me and moving as far away from this situation as I can, because it hurts so much. Alaska sounds nice But that would hurt my kids, who love it in Wisconsin, and that would limit my contact with my precious daughter J. who lives in Illinois and is a blessing to our entire family. Plus I also like her boyfriend. He's like another son. So I can't run away, as much as I'd like to. Also, I do desperately love my son M. I just am very hurt by his wife and so sad that I can't have contact with my grandchild. All free association thoughts as well as advice, perspectives, anything is welcome. I am living on Clonazapen as I realize that this woman HATES me. The mother of my grandchild hates me, and there is nothing I can do about it, but the hurt is so deep. I already lost my son from Hong Kong. Now this. For those who wonder, I do have a therapist and she will help me, but we don't have an appointment. for a long time. I'm hoping I can get in on a cancellation. Thanks in advance. This is really weighing me down. I don't like being hated, and don't think anyone has ever said he/she hates me before.