Hello,
About not keeping friends, you described me as a child !!
First question, and don't take it personally, but does she have the right medicine and at the right dosage ? If her medicine is not the right one/is not at the right dosage, her impulsivity can more often than not make her act like this.
What does her psychiatrist say about this ?
Second question, did you have her tested for anything else besides ADHD, like IQ test, or any learning disorder, or any sensory disorder (like Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)) ? Did she have also tests for sight and hearing ?
These tools will also help to help her better.
I don't have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) but a complete sensorineural hearing loss on one side, I had some bad strabismus which is now corrected.
Third question, does she have any special interest like music, computer etc etc... ?
Also, since she defends herself so well, she may volunteer in charities like Amnesty International (to cite a well known organization)....
I know that in the US, socialization is a must, but I think that the most important focus has to be "civilized" better than "socialized".
In the mean time, even if she has one boyfriend who loves her, it is not that bad. How many 17 years old have a boyfriend ? I didn't have a boyfriend at 17 yo, and I don't have any boyfriend at 26 years old.
I don't have either a full social life with outings and such (hearing loss makes it difficult despite a hearing aid).
She will find people who like her for what she is, and even if they are not many. The most important is not "having tons of friends" but being with people she enjoys and doing what she enjoys.
I know that for you, socialization may be one of the most important values (I say maybe because I can also be absolutely wrong). But as my GP (General Practitioner) says, "the only thing you must absolutely have is health. If you have the rest, it is bonus". Ok, it is translated from French, but still, I love her wisdom and her way she puts things in perspective.
I have one very good friend who has my grandfather's age and we spend good moments. He has dyslexia, dyscalculia and has some ADHD traits (possibly has ADHD himself). He has a wife but no children. He managed to study medicine and now, he has a strong expertise in body damage due to accidents, war etc etc.... Is it social success as a parent wishes ? Probably not. You would not see him with a ground of friends going to the movie, you would not see him in a congress while sitting with the richest and most famous. But he set up his road for success and he built a life which is not perfect, but he is happy in this simple life. It is not medicine with a M, but he has success in his specialty because he defends well his cases. He is strong willed and argues a lot, like your daughter. Listening skills are not his strongest point.
In the mean time, instead of trying to teach her that kind of stuff, you can buy books about effective communication and let them in the bathroom. She can read them in the toilets. I know it sounds crazy, but it may help.
Listening skills take time to learn, and it's not because she does not know them at 17yo that she will be alone forever. I am 26 yo and I am still learning.
Don't worry too much about her having friends, socializing and such. Socializing does not necessarily equal to success. How many celebs socialize a lot, have success but destroy themselves because they try to fill an endless emptiness by this mean ?
As long as your daughter is healthy, she can be the superb cherry blossom. At her own way.
Be happy that she does not abuse alcohol, take narcotics, emotionally overeat and/or starving herself to death. From what you are saying, I don't think that it is a catastrophe. Se is not into the squares, but it does not sound as bad as you think.