As time goes by...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Fancy, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. Fancy

    Fancy Blamed for everything

    I feel like I'm in mourning...I'm missing the little girl that used to crawl into my lap for a hug, the one that I used to tickle just because her laugh would fill my heart, the one that I was so proud to call my daughter. Instead she's replaced by a stranger; one who gets drunk and passes out on someone's lawn, one who tells lies, who uses people, who gets high and doesn't care about anyone but herself.
    I get angry at this stranger, hating the behaviour and the hurt she causes; hating the way she makes me worry when I don't hear from her, only to find out she's been partying and is fine; most of all angry that she is hurting herself the most.
    I spend my days alternating between being angry, and being sad. I think of things we used to do together as a family and I cry.
    Then it strikes me that these 2 are the same person; that the little girl is buried deep inside, but not gone forever, and this stranger is hopefully someone that is still evolving. And I hope that one day, we can get past this and I can build a new relationship with this stranger that reminds me of someone I used to love; and maybe can love again one day...
  2. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Your post sounds like mine would sound except my person is my son. I understand completely. I have felt every emotion. I am also hopeful for the same thing you are. Where their is life there is hope! Hang tough and have faith.
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    I am so sorry. There are many of us in the same boat here.
  4. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss...this post sounds like you've lost hope, too. This kind of grief and sadness are the hardest of all, because the wounds never truly heal, the heart is subjected to being torn apart over and over again.

    I cannot promise a brighter day. I cannot promise your daughter will clean up her act soon, and begin to mend her relationship with you. I wish I could.

    I can promise that those of us who frequent this forum are here to listen, offer suggestions or alternatives when asked, and hope you will find some inner peace - for your own personal health and strength.

    I miss my little girl with her long hair tied up in a pony tail sitting in the back yard swing with not a care in the world. I miss my little girl who watched Mary Poppins over and over, cuddled up next to me on the couch with some popcorn. I have some very happy memories, and sometimes, those are what get me through the day.

    Peace to you...
  5. maril

    maril New Member

    I am sorry you have to experience this pain. Your sweet girl is still in there. It is so difficult to stand by and try to be strong when we see our kids turn into strangers and shudder to think what could happen to them.

    Hugs to you and wishes for some peace in your life.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, you brought back memories! But your daughter is still young, Please don't give up. My daughter was 12 (yes 12) when she started using drugs, and 19 when she quit. And she drank, smoked pot, snorted meth (they crush them in pillcrushers), used cocaine and even tried heroin. Today she is a health freak who won't take an aspirin, is in college, and even quit smoking cigarettes. SHE has to want to do it, but if she wants to she will--she is still young enough that it's not necessarily a habit that she will not be able to break forever. Not one person here should ever give up, especially not one with a child who is only eighteen. She may yet see the light. My daughter's moment of truth was when she saw her friend with track marks up and down her arms and she thought, "That will be me one day." She didn't quit right away, but she did quit. We had to send her away from her "friends" so she could quit without her old crowd pushing her to go back. She still lives in another state, but it was worth it and I visit. I thought she'd end up in jail or dead, and neither happened. ((((Hugs)))) and hope to your hurting mommy heart.
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Count me in the same boat!!! I am so sorry. I know the pain you feel. My daughter is missing (again), out there on the streets doing God knows what with God knows who!!!! I am doing pretty good, thought I have moments where the sadness creeps up and takes a hold.

    I know how disappointing this is. It just hurts so much. I also feel like my little girl is trapped inside this monster that has taken over her mind and body. I want her back so badly!!!

    MWM, I am so happy for your daughter!!! That is wonderful that she has come so far and still moving forward!!! Tell her thank you for me, she gives me much hope!!! :)

    Fancy, it is possible to see that little girl again. Don't ever give up hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring!!! I still have hope in my heart for my daughter. I pray that I never lose that. Without hope, what do we have???

    I will pray for your little girl.

  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    I have hope that that creative, fun, happy,, joyful girl will be earthed from the illnesses of addiction and bipolar disorder. It is so hard and fratrating a lot.What a rollercoaster!!! i have greived and currently I am in the releif place tht she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). My beutiful daughter is only 15. It is one day a time.l keekp the faith. Comapssion
  9. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Sounds like me...except it's my son
  10. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I have to believe that the beautiful, golden child you adored is still in there. It may take awhile for her to wise up to what she is doing to herself, and you will need to stay strong for your own sanity, and for your younger child's. Know that many here are in your situation and praying for a better day.