H and I went and toured three assisted living places for mother in law this weekend. From the over the top expensive to the middle of the road, meh, passable. The over the top expensive place had beautiful apts and cottages for independent living. Their assisted living quarters were similar to an institution atmosphere and I really didn't like them, especially given the costs involved. They had three options on their fee schedule. The first is the declining buy in, in which you put $179,000 and you slowly pay that down along with a monthly rental fee of around $3000. That buy in fee would come into play when more services are needed (but the monthly fee will also increase - I don't know, it sounded screwy to me). They also had an option of putting down $234,000 and called that a 50% buy in, wherein 50% of those fund are held in escrow and upon death, that money goes back to the estate. But that's a large chunk of change to come up with, especially since I think mother in law will end up in assisted living sooner than later. Oh and it was only 30 meals a month included in that. So we'd still have the concern about mother in law cooking and leaving burners on. The next one was AWESOME. It is a rental month to month, very clean, private apts, with 3 HOT meals a day plus all day coffee, tea and snacks, a daily 2:30 ice cream social and a twice weekly happy hour (mother in law doesn't drink, though I might stop by for a drink!), linen service weekly, etc. OMG, I want to move into this place, it's so great and beautiful! The cost is $4500/month plus cable/internet and any personal expenses she may have, which really is only her hair and some rx copays. The floor plan was a rectangle - there is no way to get lost in this place and the main entrance is the hub, very busy and always a lot going on. Workers even stopped us on our tour to introduce themselves to us and tell us how great the place is, along with how long they've been there. The food looked and smelled great. I think this one is the winner. And, they gave us a PIE when we left! A beautiful, delicious apple walnut pie that was baked on the premises!!! Who does that?? The last place was OKAY. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great. It was also clean, had several one bedroom floorplans, private, and had two hots meals a day and all the other stuff. The problem was that it was a bit run down looking and the layouts of the floors were a bit confusing. I can see mother in law becoming disoriented and isolated. I just wasn't feeling it at all from the get go. It was more affordable, but it's also a bit far from our house. If mother in law HAS to come to CT, we want someplace closeby. H won't tell her she's not living with us on the phone - he's planning to fly down to FL either this weekend or next to speak with her in person. I offered to go, but H said no, so I am hoping he doesn't cave - she can be a very good martyr and manipulator, especially with H. And he's also thinking that he and his siblings may need to kick in a couple of hundred dollars a month so mother in law's entire income isn't eaten up by rent. Of course, what she will need money for I don't know - everything is included. She realistically can tweek her annuity fund accounts to pay out more per month so she can meet her needs. H thinks she needs $6000 a month! Really? Over the $4500 for her rent which includes everything including utilities and meals, her hair care and rx will cost an additional $1500??? Hmmm. I wish I had that monthly stipend. Anyway... I spoke with brother in law this morning to fill him in on the places and he said a few things that caused me to have an anxiety attack. I've had them so rarely these past couple of years, it took me a bit to figure out what was going on. I had to take a zanax, which is something I would never do during the day, but I was really scared. I'm still feeling the chest pain and it's difficult to get a full breath, but I am trying to practice some breathing exercises. I went outside for a short walk at lunch and keep stretching. I just hoping to get through the afternoon, almost over. I want to go home and get into bed. I hate this feeling on my chest. brother in law believes that mother in law will use her ownership of our home (once probate is complete) to wheedle her way into living with us. And brother in law feels that H will be hoodwinked by mother in law if no one goes with him to FL to speak with mom. brother in law offered to go, but H will definitely tell him NO. I wish sister in law could go, because she'd be a great support. But, alas, she won't. Anyway, I'm just counting the minutes till I can leave work and go home, although H is there before me today! Maybe he will go for a bike ride.