At what point.....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Feb 23, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    do you start seeking help for yourself? I found myself sobbing this afternoon & couldn't stop.

    husband & I had planned a quick errand & for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to get dressed. Our PCA called in sick - kt wasn't the problem. In fact, if I didn't know better I'd say she was a easy child.

    It was me....I physically couldn't move; emotionally I'm a wreck & I can't decide which is worse.

    I know when to call or take my children or my husband to ER. I couldn't ask for help for me. Apparently husband, although frustrated beyond belief, didn't have a clue either.

    I'm fine now - just wanted to know if this happens again. I felt so out of control.
  2. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I think it is a very personal thing........if it continues or not.......etc.

    I would think you ARE going to have some difficult times, you have been thru a LOT.and it is NOT easy when your body does not cooperate. You DO go thru a grieving process, absolutely. You do need to be aware of this and permit it for yourself. Your body and your abilities have changed.and it takes time to come to terms with that. It is NOT easy. Gosh we trust our body, our own body-of course we do- and now it has let you down.

    Gentle hugs to you.
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    If you go to the ER, unless you're a dangerous to yourself or others, they might write you a script for something and will probably refer you to a therapist. If you don't have your own therapist, I'm going to recommend one now. Not one of kt's tdocs. You're very own.

    You've been on high doses of steroids for a very long time. That's worrisome to me. They can be very hard on the body and the mind. I would also be asking the doctor to do bloodwork to check calcium levels and vitamin D, as well as anything else the steroids might mess with. Are they doing bone density tests to check for osteoporosis? Is there any other drug they can try?

    Other than that I would just say it's ok to cry like that at times. Especially when you are dealing with what you are day in and day out. It's a release that your body obviously needed.

  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    My heart is breaking for you, Linda. I know how strong you have been for the tweedles and your family and things seem to be spiraling, especially with your health. You take care of yourself, right now.

    When are you scheduled to go to the Mayo Clinic? I sure hope and pray that they can figure out what they can do to help relieve your symptoms.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, with-all those steroids it's hard to say. I agree that if it continues, make an appointment with-a therapist and/or a dr who can write scrips. I personally don't like the ER because the wait, the inconvenience, the embarrassment, and sometimes the lack of a specialist. Was your husband supportive? Did he sit with-you and say it was okay?
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm kinda here with you, Linda. (tho feel I shouldn't be - your burden is much greater than mine).

    I'm trying to allow myself a few days of "do nothing". If I can't shake this funk, I'm going to find myself a new doctor.

    Can you get some respite soon?
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I knew I needed help when I was falling apart and thinking jumping in front of trucks was better than what I was living with. My body was falling apart, no one would tell me anything and the bipolar was messing me up. I really didnt have the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis at that point but I walked into intake at our local mental health and bared my soul. Still took me almost 6 years to get into therapy that I trusted but I got medications going right away.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am with you Linda. Now with the possible loss of my sister - I can't even cry. I am just a numb, spaced, zombie. I keep thinking that there is just no way I can get through this - with all I have been through - and now this. But then I think - with all I have been through - of course I can do this! I had to work from 5pm-8am today - and literally half the night I thought of death. It scared/scares me.........but how do we know when to go to the dr? And when we do go? What can they possibly say to relieve the reality of our lives that has us so down? I am on Lexapro - I cannot think of anything else that would possibly make this better - other than living in a different existence.

    Just rambling............and sending hugs.
    As you noticed, due to privacy I had to change my screen name - but my profile, and reality remains the same.
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Linda! I know that you're going through hell and it's been going on for a long time.

    Go to the Dr. It's not uncommon to go through a depression when your body is attacking itself.

    I'd also like to recommend that you kick back with a cup of coffee tomorrow morning once everyone is out of the house, sit by the window and sketch a little bit.

    When I first started on the board, I noticed that your mood perked up whenever you spoke about something that you'd seen in the yard and sketched it out. It feels like you haven't been able to do that because this time of year is cruel to those who aren't readily mobile. So sit by the window, take a little time and breathe for you and nobody else.

    I'm there in spirit with you kid!

    Steely: really glad to see you popping in: please know that we're all here for you and have been praying countless prayers for you guys!

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    (((((hugs))))) Linda,

    The others have given good advice. I think at one point you mentioned you had a therapist-are you still seeing him/her? If so, I would give him/her a call tomorrow.

    Continued prayers.:angel2:
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Linda, are you on medication for depression or anxiety? Like you I have spent years being "strong" for my family but over a year ago I just could
    not get it together. The CD famiy suggested medication and for me the
    Lexapro, supplemented by Ativan as needed has made it possible to keep up with all the stressful issues. How 'bout you?? DDD
  12. Penta

    Penta New Member

    While I have never had a physical illness as you do, there have been times in my adult life when things became so hard that I felt incapacitated and there have been many times when I just sobbed and sobbed to release all that was within me.

    Be gentle with yourself. This may be a time when you have to give in and just rest, not try to do anything else. Let your family and others care for you right now.
  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I am on an antidepressant (Cymbalta) along with the ativan 3/times daily PRN. In my mind, it's the steroids along with the unknown of the syndrome I'm dealing with. Of late, my hearing is getting my worse; my vision is flaky, the neuro doctor & PTs have told me to give up my quad cane & use my walkers exclusively.

    I believe the walker thing pushed me over the edge. I was using golf as a goal for this spring. I was looking foward to getting back onto the courses & walking those courses. Walking them hard & playing. I was looking foward to heading back to piano lessons.

    It can still happen - but I'm finding out this isn't as self limiting as was once thought. Again - the unknowns!

    We all deal with unknowns; it's part of life. And I will get past these unknowns. I just need help with a plan of sorts - what is the next step past these unknowns. What can I do now so I'm not falling apart one moment, swinging off the chandeliers the next.

    I have a call into therapist - unfortunately he practices out of a historical building with-o elevators or disabled access. He's trying to find another where he might be able to meet me.

    Thank you ladies - I appreciate all your thoughts, ideas & responses. I'm off here soon to get my file ready for Mayo Clinic (March 20th) - push medical records for copies & finish up my own version of a "parent" report on me.

  14. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Linda, with all you've been through lately, having a bad day emotionally is totally expected. However, I'm glad you're seeing someone and asking for help. As others have said, we're strong for so long for our difficult child's and yet, when it comes to us, we think we're strong enough to handle anything. Not so, my friend. We all need help from time to time.

    Keep us posted. Meanwhile, take care of you!

    Mega hugs,