Back after another while

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by bluebell, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    I remember you and your family well. I am so glad he is sober for so long and that you have some hope, even though at this point this is their journey and I suppose we just can't get caught up in it no matter where it leads.
    We took a spontaneous weekend trip to a beautiful little town about 3 hours north. My 18 yo daughter was on road trip and she couldn't check in to the hotel she had reserved because they said you had to be 21. Couldn't help but think how many difficult children have ruined that for the good kids. Anyway, we went up there and rented 2 rooms. It was lovely to get away and although whirlwind, we had a great time. Really brings home how hard Difficult Child is to travel with. First time we have gone without him as we can't trust him at home.
    My daughter took some fans to where Difficult Child is staying and she said some things that indicate that he is using drugs. I think she wanted to tell me more but boyfriend was there so maybe she will tell me today. My husband was furious about it, but it is what we expected. He says he has no hope and that he doesn't care but he must. Difficult Child sent me a text later asking if we had an air mattress, daughter had said he was sleeping on one with a hole. I told him no that someone had taken it and never brought it back (it was him).
    Anyway, back to work today and hope everyone has a good week!
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    So nice you had some spontaneous fun! That is the best kind I think.

    hanks so much. We have been through a lot, that is for sure.

    I know that his newly developed faith helped him get to the point he is at today and I never thought it would happen in a million years. We tried so many other things and nothing worked. He couldn't stick with it. This time he sounds more mature and clear headed. He has never been sober for this long. He just had his roommate steal from him and he found out that the guy had gone back to using so he was kicked out. This is after 9 months sober. My son said now he knows how we felt when he stole from us.

    Prayers that you keep the strength. This is not easy and there is no way we can predict what will happen so don't give up hope! Keep us posted.
  3. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    I echo the sentiments of the other responses. You should never feel unsafe, most particularly with a family member. You have taken difficult but necessary and important steps to protect yourself.

    I, too, have been afraid of my son and he has made threats against my husband, his stepdad. Though that was 10 years ago, he has never apologized, and I’ve never fully trusted him since.

    I totally get what you’re saying about looking at things from your son’s perspective. whenever I do, which was frequently in the past but less so now, I am easily more manipulated and guilted into helping him, and I think of him as a child rather than as an adult who is making bad choices and hurting others. When I find myself doing that, I say to myself that I must care for and protect myself, my husband, and my youngest child first.

    that you are having to deal with all this .
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  4. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    He texted me yesterday that he thinks he has colon cancer. Now, after dealing with several cancer deaths in my family and scares from myself and other family members, I can't get worked up over a self diagnosis. Anyone who lives long enough just can't. But seeing that his father did have a precancerous polyp when he was 25 and had had to have regular colonoscopies since, he probably needs to be looked at. But it feels like manipulation. I don't think we have ever talked about his dad's issues with him and we have never really bothered or worried him with any of our health issues (he's never been very empathetic to us, just his friends and pets), but you never know what kids pick up on. He made an appointment for Friday at my advice and I need to just leave it there. But my mind still goes to what-if scenarios that I'm trying to fight. And they are all complicated by what a horrible patient he would be.
  5. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Ok so I have been bugging him about finishing his summer school class his final paper is due today. He has been kicked out for a week and a half and has been getting it done but now it's falling apart. He has almost 100% in the class. He could probably turn in toilet paper and would get a C. He says that his stomach hurts (thinks he has colon cancer) and his dad slapped the ambition out of him. And all the stuff about how I don't protect him. A few years ago it got physical and I called the police on them both. Then I had to pay for both of them to get out of trouble because my husband was unemployed and they had decided to make up so I had to deal with my son while my husband is the one who had to go to anger management, juvenile dropped the charge on Difficult Child. How can he say I don't protect him? I'm not saying my husband is perfect but he's never started a fight with any of us in his life, he is the biggest pushover but he doesn't know how to cope with the disrespect and physicality of HIS SON. Everyone has limits and Difficult Child wants these fights desperately.
    Noticed he left the place he's staying (all of a sudden horrible neighborhood with assault rifles going off all hours) last night to haunt one of the old restaurant worker's that he always went to after payday. Wonder what for? He is back to the same old tune he was singing when he got kicked out. I just never know who I'm going to get. I think it's time to block him again. I was really trying to support him thru this class. He's on academic probation and really needed to finish. As always, I care more than he does.
  6. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom sorry to hear all of this. Looks like you and I are back here. And the stories are almost identical. I'm so sorry to hear about your Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). You certainly don't need this on top of your son's behaviour.

    Mine repeats a story about how her dad "beat her" (did not happen) and that I didn't protect her. Multiple threats to kill me (with the methods described in detail). Then add the histrionic "diseases" that happen all of a sudden. They just don't see through their jaded glasses.

    You have done all of the right things. You got a protection order. Judge wouldn't give me one - said this was a mental health issue and I needed to apply for a 72-hour mental health warrant.

    Your son does need to own the consequences of his behaviour. I hope that your husband can recover from this. It hurts so much to have your own child behave towards you like that. I am glad that you/husband were able to have a face-to-face about the protection order.

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care.
  7. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Yeah, we weren't able to get the protection order either. Suggested the 72 hour thing. Mental issues or not, he can say the right things for 72 hours and his behavior is not erratic like that with anyone but us. He can be cool as a cucumber, check out of the hospital, turn a corner and be a completely different person. I'm not getting the blame for that again....