Bad, sad news regarding Kanga

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Mar 3, 2008.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Well, she is going to be approved for funding for Residential Treatment Center (RTC). But, she must go through the "central placement office" and the wait list for non-wards is 60-90 days.

    We do not have anywhere for her to go for 60-90 days.

    I have a message into an attorney and we will be filing a dependency petition tomorrow. If granted, Kanga will become a ward of the State.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Oh gosh JJJ...Im just so sorry that you are having to deal with things in this way. The system is so messed up.

    Im sorry for all of and your husband, the other kids and Kanga. This is really going to be hard on everyone. You have done everything you could though and maybe the powers that be will find a way in court to make the outcome somewhat ok.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm so sorry that this step had to be taken. It's awful that it is such a long wait. I'm sure making her a ward of the state is heart breaking. Hugs.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Janet & Fran,

    Thanks for the words of support. I don't think we are going to tell the other children that she has become a ward. They have not seen her since she was hospitalized. There won't be any change in their (non)relationship with her.

    Since I posted, I spoke with several more professionals that we have been working with. They pointed out the positives of this step
    1. we won't be legally liable for any crimes/damages she may commit
    2. she will move to the front of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) wait lists (as a ward) and may be placed in as few as 30 days
    3. if she remains a ward on her 18th birthday, she qualifies for many "transitional" life services that are only available to wards
    4. I can quit spending 5 hours a day searching for services and can focus on my other children
    5. we will all be safe

    I'm going to cling to those 5 points. I feel like I am anticipating a death, the death of the dream of a true mother-daughter relationship.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Awww, JJJ, I'm so sorry.

    ((((((((gentle hugs)))))))
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I am so sorry. I was lucky that I didn't have to make my daughter a ward of the court but it was close, way too close for comfort. At least you've found the pluses in having her in the system.

    It is so tragic that we adopt with so many dreams and hopes and they fall to the wayside because of things totally beyond our control.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have not been there done that. I am so sincerely sorry that it has come to this. You are a true Warrior Mom and I had really hoped that by some miracle things would be as they should be. I am sending hugs and prayers your way and Kanga's too. DDD
  8. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I am so sorry for your hurting heart. I am sending hugs and prayers to you and Kanga.
  9. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I can only echo all of the others, you have gone so far above and beyond, the system does stink. I will keep you all in my prayers. Will you be allowed any input and visits?
  10. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    So sorry - it just bites the system has to be worked this way..

  11. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. I'm sure you've done everything you possibly can. I'm glad you are able to see some positive things out of all of this mess. Big HUGS to you!
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am so sad for you - sending hugs and keeping you in my thoughts.
  13. dcwsaranac

    dcwsaranac I hear music...

    OK, now you have a grown man crying.

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Good for you, though, for persevering. I can't claim any experiences that come anywhere near what you are experiencing, but can see that you truly love your children and are doing what's best for all.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh JJJ,
    I'm so sorry. I wish I had a magic wand and could wave it and have kanga be healed. Gentle hugs.
  15. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    JJJ, I'm so sorry. I know you didn't want it to end up this way. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    We are in the same situation with wm - albeit voluntarily; and we still have legal guardianship over him.

    And that doesn't make it better for you, I know. I remember those first days after signing those papers - placing wm in this type of setting. Hating it, but knowing that first of all wm will get all the interventions in the world. And secondly knowing that the rest of the family would be safe.

    And that doesn't make it better for you until you process this - get past the grief & guilt. Because no matter how violent & terrifying Kanga is - she is still your Kanga. Your baby girl - a child you & husband poured love, sweat & tears into. Still your baby girl. And I'm here to tell you, she will remain so. No matter what.

    It's okay to focus on those positives - you need them right now. And you'll need to cry, to process this & find your place in the midst of this. Where do you fit into this placement after all is said & done?

    Sending very gentle ((((hugs)))) this evening.
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks all, I'm going to try and go to sleep early as I have to be up very early tomorrow to get to court to file the petition. Please pray it is accepted.
  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks Linda. Assuming the petition for dependency is accepted (which I'm told it should be), Kanga will become a ward of the State. I will spend the next 4 months doing monthly court dates and monthly meetings with her caseworker. There may or may not be family therapy and/or supervised visitation. Once she is in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we will do whatever family therapy and staffing they determine. After 18-24 months, she will be evaluated to determine if she has made progress towards return home. If not, her goal will be changed to "independent living". At that point our involvement becomes 'optional' and Kanga will get some say in whether or not we get to visit/family therapy.

    She will likely remain a ward of the State until she turns 21 at which point she will have been transitioned to our State's Adult Mental Health department.

    They refuse to say there is no hope, but they were very clear that they see little hope. She doesn't carry an official "Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)" diagnosis because there are some Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s that won't take her with the label (but they will take her with all of the symptoms, go figure) but the clinical supervisor said I should do some research on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as she has it. Course, I already knew that.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    JJJ, {{{hugs}}}. I love your five points. They make perfect sense. I totally agree. That doesn't take away the hurt, I know, but you know you have to use your head rather than your heart for this. I am so sorry, but I am very proud of you and support you completely.
  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry it's come to this JJJ. I think you are wise to hold onto the five pluses.