Books That Helped Me Through This :O)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by scent of cedar, Jun 15, 2013.

  1. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Though I may only be in remission on the wheel of grieving / enabling / suffering codependence for and about difficult child daughter? I have been working with the following books. (And checking in here daily, of course ~ this site is most responsible for husband and I beginning to stand up and reclaim our lives. Thank you for this, everyone.)

    Best tools to help us recover from shame and anger-related difficult child issues:

    Joel Osteen materials. Without requiring that grief and pain be revisited, the Osteen readings and writings address things like childhood trauma, shame, poor self image ~ whether in our careers, our financial expectations and lives, our marriages, or our health. He actually touches on families in which children are going a wrong way. His recommendation is, as Recovering tells us so often, to pray for our children, and to place them in God's hands. Joel Osteen adds that we then need to believe that what is, is for a reason.

    "Negative introspection is the root cause of many difficulties." That is a rough quote from "Become a Better You" by Joel Osteen.

    This is what I have found helpful from Joel Osteen:

    I Declare A fantastic book. 31 declarations/positive affirmations. The theory is that you read one each morning for one month and then, start over. I read them all at once and then, copied and put them in my quote box.

    28 Days To Becoming A Better You This is a four-CD set. While it may seem like overkill? I have been listening to the tapes while reading the book. The CDs are recordings of his sermons. Each sermon is about twenty minutes long. The idea is that you play one of the sermons each day of the month. I have been playing them in the background, hours at a time, whenever husband isn't home. (He isn't so much into all this self-improvement stuff as I am.) But what helps me to be healthier helps him, too. The CDs are changing the ways I had been thinking about myself, about what happened, about where it will all go.

    Also, through this book, I have been changing the way I see and interact with, formerly difficult child son. Joel Osteen says: If we don't tell our children who they are, someone else will. Our words to our children are important, however old those children may be.

    Interesting stuff. I am so glad I found and read them.

    Become A Better You

    I have been reading this. I write the quotes I like on index cards, and keep them in a special box for future reference. The writing them out helps me really feel the good thought.

    This, from John Bradshaw:

    Healing the Shame That Binds You

    This is a great reference if you find something that bothers you and want to trace it to its source and address it. Doing all that introspection can be very sad, though. If you have not been in therapy at some point already, I think this material might be too intense.

    Here is a two-part You Tube of Bradshaw explaining that book:

    And here is something new that I found. Excellent, excellent stuff.

    Her name is Brene Brown. She works in shame and in the healing benefits of allowing vulnerability.

    Her books:

    Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

    The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are

    This, for music: Aretha Franklin ~ RESPECT

    This, for exercise and calm: (Though I must admit I haven't used these more than once or twice since we got back. I usually do them first thing in the morning, just as the sun rises. Very cool, to do that.)

    You can buy the CDs online. That way, you can practice your yoga on your own schedule.


  2. Barbara - GReat resources. Thank you for sharing.

    I'm going to add another one that I have found and am just starting to read through.....
    When Parents Hurt by Dr. Joshua Coleman.

    It is for parents whose kids have walked out of their lives. He has a website as well.
  3. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Thank you for sharing. I'm struggling with healing from having NC with my difficult child as he has chosen to go to his abusive bio dad whom he has had no contact with for many years. Will order Joel's CDs.

    Brene Brown was on Super Soul Sunday twice recently. She was inspiring. The shows may be available online if someone is interested.
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Thank you.
    As a side note, I don't know about you, but I HATE HATE HATE it when women say "you are only as happy as your most unhappy child."
    When I was in my 30s and heard that I basically agreed. That was when I thought difficult child was ADD and a little different.
    Later, I realized that I would never give my power away like that! As long as she was a child and perhaps because she was ill, I would extend it to age 21, I would help her a great deal to overcome her difficulties. But, I will NOT give away my joy. And now that she is an adult, I will NOT give away all my time and finances. Life moves on. Listen, I don't understand this. It is seriously difficult. But, even with this "situation" in the background, I am happy.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Best book that helped me through this was our family Bible. Yes sir reeeeeee bob.

    Our Blessed Book handed down through generation after generation, white leather bound, golden gilded pages, large hand stamped water colored pictures depicting the life and times of our Lord and Savior Jesus and The Stations of the Cross......Baptisms, Marriages, Births, Deaths....So beautifully written in the inscription place provided.....providing hours of comfort during times of need and want. A rather large and heavy book about 2' tall, by a foot wide I believe weighing nearly 15 pounds.

    And the day I got so angry and threw it at the back of Dudes head for swearing and cursing in our home---it rendered him speechless----I was OVERCOME with the Spirit that I had not spared the rod/ nor spoiled the child but given unto him a lesson of the Fifth commandment......HONOR THY MOTHER.

    Yeah though I walk In the valley of the shadow of the potty mouthed I feared no evil. I just picked up the book, caught the look of astonishment on his face.....placed the BIBLE on the table and went about my business. That's when I knew that was the best book in the house for my children.
  6. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    STARBIE!!!! :eek:)

    How very cool, to see you again!

  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Soooo good to see you Star!!!! Love your sense of humor!
    The Bible has helped me as well.
    If you have read some of my posts...I do the AA "thing" and give it to my Higher Power...too much for me.
    Please see my recent post is suppose to say... "A Little Vent" errrrrr
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Glad to see you girls too!
    I have it on a "higher power authority" that even if you throw on of the smaller books? If aimed just right? You can still create some much needed attention.

    Nomad - GOOD ON YA for going to AA - It was very helpful for me ------It helped me understand a lot when I didn't understand at all.