Can't leave this family alone for a minute: VENT

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Jul 9, 2007.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Took easy child out tonight for some one-on-one time and to shop for a new bike helmet since she mangled hers last month when she crashed. husband took the difficult child's home after we all met for dinner after his golf outing, and was supposed to get the other two headed for bed.

    Well, the difficult child's were a lot too rowdy for husband on the car ride back home, he lost his temper, did a bit of yelling and sent them to their rooms when they got home.

    When easy child and I arrived back from our little 45 minute errand, difficult child 2 was coming out of the bathroom with his hands covered in paint and dried plaster of paris! Hmmm... I thought they were supposed to be getting ready for bed? husband was wrapped in a towel sitting at the computer playing soitaire after apparently having taken a shower, oblivious to what difficult child 2 was up to. :hammer:

    After querying difficult child 2 what he was up to, I learned that he had found a forgotten birthday gift in his closet -- a plaster and paint kit whereby you pour the mixture into a mold, let it harden and then paint it after it dries.

    Being the enthusiastic difficult child that he is, #2 had ripped into the contents without so much as a blink at the directions and proceeded to mix and pour all over his bed, floor, and nightstand! So I had the pleasure of sending him to the garage to take of the clothing covered in dried plaster and paint, and then vacuuming and wiping down the unbelieveable mess.

    husband announces he's going to bed, since he's got an early commute tomorrow. Great -- thanks for all your help! No, really! You toddle off to bed, dear -- let me clean up this mess AND get the three kids ready for bed and medicated. Really, I'll manage just fine.

    Then I had to do my best to calmly explain to difficult child 2 why his impatience with this little project (that he wasn't even supposed to be doing at this time of night when he's SUPPOSED to be getting ready for bed -- to which he replies, "Well, Dad just said I had to go to my room. He didn't tell me to get ready for bed.") resulted in a complete waste of the materials. Needless to say, I failed in the calm department. :nonono:

    His bed is such a mess, he is sleeping on the couch tonight. Tomorrow I begin the overhaul of his room -- I guess this is God's way of telling me it's time to take inventory of the black hole.

    The kicker for me was after difficult child 2 was somewhat settled on the couch (and I was still cleaning up what I could in his room), and announced to me that there was a problem in his brother's toilet, which he had just recently used and deposited an apparent excess of toilet paper, among other things, resulting in, yup, a clog. O - Joy of Joys! What else can happen tonight?

    And the cat left something that should have been in the litter box in easy child's room :crazy2:
  2. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    LOL...I'm sorry, its so much funnier when its not me!

    Don't ya just love husband's who wander off to be in their own little worlds while kids run amuck?

    I hope it all comes off of everything! My youngest difficult children favorite past time is coloring the walls, we just finished repainting his room and the hallway. I'm sure it will have to be done again in another year or so. I completely understand how much havoc one kid can cause in the absence of close supervision.
  3. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Sorry you are having such a rough evening. It is amazing what they can do when you want them to do nothing. Too bad they do nothing when you WANT them to do something.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I would lay this one right back where it belongs - with husband. Don't get angry, just firm - "You were in charge, you KNOW they're difficult children, you have to be specific with instructions AND supervise."

    Then hand him the cleaning gear to begin ono the room, while you take the mucky kid outside to clean. It's a team effort, raising kids, and too many DHs cop out of responsibility by playing the "I don't know what to do" card.

    Well, buddy, there's only one way to learn what to do - practice!

    I really HATE being indispensable. A classic example - "Mum! I want to eat the leftover chicken and rice; how long do I put it in the microwave for? And what setting?"

    I ALWAYS get asked this one, as if I have some magic, inbuilt detector. I keep saying, "loosen the lid and warm it on Medium in 1 minute bursts until it's warm enough."
    "But how will I know?"
    "You stick your finger in it."
    "But I might burn myself!"
    "Then go hungry - why always ask me?"
    "Because you always know!"
    "Only because I do it for myself and have learned."
    "That's what I mean, Mum - you always know. So pleaaase, Mum - do it for me?"

    Would you believe, I don't? And they still expect me to?

    And it's not just difficult child 3, it's the others too. It was difficult child 3 last time, he was getting more and more frustrated, to the point of banging his head, because I wouldn't warm his chicken and rice for him. Turns out he thought he had to remove it from the container and warm the chicken separately from the rice.

    It seems a small thing compared to plaster and paint, but it all comes down to the same thing - when we step in and do it for them, they always expect us to be there, saving them from themselves.

    I was getting difficult child 1 to help me in the kitchen one evening, stirring pots of sauce, soup or whatever, and he said, "I really don't enjoy doing this, you know."
    "And you think I do?" I replied, not quite speechless.
    "But you're a mother - mothers do this sort of thing for their families because they enjoy it. Don't you?"
    He wasn't joking. And by this time, I WAS speechless. He actually believed that the instant you become a mother, your brain pathways become permanently switched into Stepford mode. After I told him (eventually) he sure knows better now.

    If you let them get away with wrong thinking (and the resultant extra work for you, due to their short-sightedness) then they will continue to do this and treat you like a doormat. And this goes for DHs, too.

  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest


    I love the microwave question and answer marg. I get asked the exact same thing. They can ask me about the same food, every single day. Maybe I should make a chart with certain foods and they can look it up themself. No..too much work, easier to say MOM!!!!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry your evening was a bust! It doesn't sound like any fun at all. I would have been less than thrilled if my husband tried to go to bed at a time like that!

    I really hope today is a better day! :flower:
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG! That really does sound like a sitcom. Sorry. :crazy2:

    he had found a forgotten birthday gift in his closet -- a plaster and paint kit whereby you pour the mixture into a mold, let it harden and then paint it after it dries.
    Being the enthusiastic difficult child that he is, #2 had ripped into the contents without so much as a blink at the directions and proceeded to mix and pour all over his bed, floor, and nightstand!
    husband announces he's going to bed
    ...difficult child 2 which he replies, "Well, Dad just said I had to go to my room. He didn't tell me to get ready for bed.")

    <span style="color: #FF6666">
    Absolutely, 100% that whole conversation was taken out of my house! That is SO typical!!!!</span>

    I can imagine how tired and ticked you were.

    Although, someday when you read it all again, you will smile. Really. Because that's exactly WHY these kids are G'sFG. :eek: :wink:
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, Marg is right. Although it's hard to think under those conditions, calmly confronting husband and holding him accountable at that moment is better than steaming about it for wks afterward. (I'm at least as guilty as the next person, but I'm learning!)
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Another microwave story and example of how our G'sFG don't/can't listen and must learn from experience... I have repeatedly told my difficult child not to put metal in the microwave.
    So one day, he's supposed to be warming a bowl of soup, and I walk into the kitchen and I hear this weird zzzip-zip popping sound and I smell this odd odor, and out of the corner of my eye, I see a bright flash and a bit of smoke... and I leap to the microwave and fling it open as I'm screaming, "NEVER EVER EVER PUT SPOONS in the MICROWAVE!!!"
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    You are absolutely right -- I am trying to learn to do this better. Some days I think husband is actually a difficult child... but I swear I only remember giving birth to THREE kids, not four!

    I get the "how long?" question about the microwave from all three kids, too :smile: difficult child 1 uses it the most, and really should have this down by now -- he's nearly 13. I am glad difficult child 2 and easy child still ask because it allows me to do a security check for metal objects, if you know what I mean!
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oh yeah! been there done that! Has anyone in your house ever surprised you with an ENTIRE CAN of food like my difficult child 2?!

    He thought that was how you made soup in the microwave... didn't even open it!! I'm not Catholic, but I was sure crossing myself that day and down on my knees thanking God for not letting my kitchen blow up!

  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Oh goodness this sounds like something out of my past. My husband when he was in charge usually went to sleep on the sofa while the kids did whatever popped into their heads. I was always left with the mess since husband "had to go to work in the morning" Leaving it for him to clean up didn't work because he just simply wouldn't do it and I would be the one stepping around it all day. His was old school patriarcal thinking that never completely moved into the age of enlightenment. He is a better grandfather than he was a father but he is still not perfect.
    Twice he left my 8 year old grandson on the beach alone to come back to the house for something. He thinks it is OK because the house is just over the dune plus 150 feet away. But you cannot see the beach and there are no lifeguards and lots of strangers and grandson is usually outgoing and impulsive. I lost it the first time husband did it and set my sister in law out to watch the boy. Even with that reaction husband did it again. So I called my daughter told her about this issue and suggested that she talk to husband if she had a problem with this. She hasn't done anything about it yet. I have the children for a week again in August and husband is on vacation to "help" me take care of them. If daughter doesn't talk to him I will have to watch them every minute since husband has proven that he won't and I couldn't bear anything happening to them especially on my watch. -RM
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I swear, husband's are all alike!! They're worse than the kids sometimes. Once when my husband was in charge, I came home from work and picked up baby easy child-HIS 2 FRONT TEETH WERE MISSING!! (brand new baby teeth) I asked husband what happened to the baby's teeth, but he didn't know!!!He didn't cry or anything(?). That was my answer. I quit my job shortly thereafter. -Alyssa
  14. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yup -- that's my husband! Our definitions of supervision are lightyears apart. And he wonders why I have trust issues with him? But that's a whole other topic for venting!

  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    OMG! How awful! I would have quit my job, too.

    My difficult child's definitely got their genetic mixed bag from husband, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the stuff he's pulled. I just figured that at 44, he'd be a little quicker to learn from his mistakes, but apparently I need a bigger stick to make some things sink in.