I loaded the board on my phone intending to catch up on posts with a tea in a effort to unwind so that I can sleep. Big morning tomorrow in family court with my easy child's father (posted about last week). So much drama with that and I have never in my life felt defeated by a lifetime of needing to face chaos after chaos and I was truly for the first time completely out of any fight. I've been in a barren emotional place.
Dinner time today saw me rejoicing in probably over the top happiness at finding a new home after a long time feeling this wasn't a home that felt safe or comforting anymore. I was clinging to that one sign that just one little thing could go right when I needed something, anything, because I've worried myself about this defeated feeling of nothing left in me to give.
An hour after learning the news about the move working out, easy child and I were dancing about (literally). About to head out door for her band practice when phone rang.
My paternal aunt was calling. She informed me that my father today plead guilty to every single charge for every victim. Sentencing is in a few weeks. The severity of the charges means barring a insane judge, he will serve a sentence that he deserves.
Over the course of the past few hours I have spoken twice to my Aunt and the investigating detective and I spoke more than an hour. She will have more details tomorrow and update me. She is lacking some info as she was not in court today for this hearing. I am a bit embarassed at ending the call weeping and telling her what her commitment and support means to me and how she has changed lives and will never be forgotten. I meant every word though.
I'm racing through crazy cycles of emotions and there's no point fighting it. Crying, spacIng out, giddy, overwhelmed, zen, heart racing and on and on. Right now my eyes are not capable of tears. In an hour when S/O returns from work I'm betting suddenly the well cracks open.
I often feel my life is crazier than fiction and today tops it all. I never really believed deep inside that he would ever see true justice.
Ironically, tomorrow marks one year to the day that I was able to scare him into his written confession of all of his crimes which has lead to closure for me but also for so many other victims known and unknown spanning more than 40 years of such destruction of innocence of so many children.
22 days and we will all stand together holding hands quietly in solidarity and share the moment when he is escorted away to head to the federal penitentiary. I think only well after that day will I really feel this is finally over and that he never again will hurt another child.
Please join me circling our Melissa is joyful support, reaching out from New York State.....
