Coming home from Uni an addict

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ourlife, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. ourlife

    ourlife New Member

    Hi I am a newbe!! My son went to Nottingham Uni for his first year and is coming home an addict! He will be staying with his mum/grandparents (we are divorced) He told me he has ADHD (self diagnosed) and that the various substances he is taking are helpilng him work out how his brain works! ( he has taken ectasy cocain acid ketermine ) he does not want me to tell his mum or grandparents, but I feel they have a right to know. I am fostering and have a placement so he can not stay with me. (he left to live with his mum at 13 while his brother stayed with me) despite severall deep e-mails he is wants to continue using and does not want any help! Can anyone offer any advise?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, I would probably feel it was morally right to tell his mom about it if he's going to be staying there. But beyond that, there really is nothing you can do to stop him. He has stated he will continue to live this lifestyle and he is over eighteen. Since he isn't going to be living with you, it's really up to his mother if she wants him there under those conditions.

    Sorry you have to go through this. I don't know how it works in the UK, but if you put out any money for schooling, I sure would stop until he has decided against using drugs. When we found out Daughter was using drugs, the money from us stopped. She had to get a job to have money.

    As I stated on the other forum, I am so sorry you are going through this, but am glad you found us. Others should come along maybe with better advice.
  3. ourlife

    ourlife New Member

    Thanks again, I was sending him an allowance for food! This has now been stoped, and since then he has not replyed to of my recent attempts to contact him. Just hope no news is good news and he hasn't overdosed ! He has a loan for other fees.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would definitely tell him mom, no good can come from hiding it except allowing him to continue his abuse. Many of our kids went to college only to come home on some substance. I would not be paying for him to go back to the university while he is using.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I think his mom needs to know. He will be living with her and his grandparents for the summer and you don't know what his behavior will be like towards them.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Sorry you had to join us. I'm sorry to hear about your son but thought I'd let you know that I agree with the others that money needs to be cut off. On a more personal note I have experience with the complexities of divorce when you have kids who fall off the expected path. My Ex and I are not friends but I always felt it best to share the bad news with him so he would not be suckered into supporting negative behavior. His Mom could easily and innocently provide the means for him to overdose. I find his multiple drug choices frightening. Most of our kids "begin" with a few hits on a bong and then, sadly, some progress to coke etc. He's headed for the high dive with-o placing a toe in the water first. Even if it is very uncomfortable to do...I'd share the info in hopes that he will be safer. I'm sorry your family has substance abuse as part of your life. I don't wish it on my worst enemy. DDD
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I wish I had more time to write a meaningful response. My sweet boy returned from his first year at school as a snarly, lying, slacking, pot using stranger. I spent an entire summer excusing his behavior as growing pains and burgeoning independence. I thought I could get him thru and back to school by lowering the bar. I was horrified by the very idea of him not returning to school in the fall. Long story short, 2 days before he was to return, his lying & pot use became too big to ignore. We refused to support him, asked him to stay home & get help & he rebelled & was estranged from us & out of school for 2 years.

    That summer, I walked on eggshells for nothing. The worst case scenario became our lives. I found myself on this board the night he left. Gently & not so gently - the other posters pointed out that by placating him & excusing him, I handed him the power. It emboldened him. & I lost any chance I had to get thru to him.

    So, I advise you to go for broke. Take a stand, draw a line in the sand. Work with you ex, find the common ground that is your love for your son & draw a line in the sand. Try to get thru to him, get him help if you can. And if you can't, realize that your reticence equals empowerment to your son. So, stand up for what's right.; don't lower the bar. It will get so low that it will crush you. Stand up for your own morals and know that by doing so- you are setting an example for your son. He won't realize it now, but he will someday.
  8. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I would tell his mom. It would be best for him if the 2 of you could work together when dealing with him. I'd cut off any money also. He should have to work for it and not spend your money on drugs.