Concerned for my safety, he's bringing danger home

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Snickers, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. Snickers

    Snickers New Member

    6yrs into taking on my nephew, and it's just escalating by the week. He has been diagnosed with a few things ODD, INSOMNIA, CONDUCT DISSORDER, RAGE, LEARNING PROBLEMS, he has also suffered more trauma than any child should ever have to bare. poor kid didn't really have a chance he was damaged in the womb, n it's been an uphill battle since he was born. He has always taken things that don't belong to him, it used to be food n small change toys or anything that was shiny or rusty for that matter, nothing of real money value, I used to think he was like a Bauer bird but as the teenage years creep in he has moved on to bigger things, Which makes some kind of sense seeing as he only gets $10 pocket money a week and is drinking n taking drugs, he needs to steal what he can to make money to get these thing.
    So bikes n Nike shoes, portable speakers money jewlery you name it what ever isn't locked down n worth anything he will take, now the problem is he is known as a thief so now people are coming to the front door looking for their property or revenge on him, n as he can take off for days at a time I'm the one who is answering the door, I have no control of him n he has no empathy for me he has no idea what of the real danger that he is putting himself or me in, he just doesn't seem to care, I really don't want to give up on him but how the hell do I keep, keeping on with this. Wiping snot on the walls, burning the walls poo on the walls stealing my undies cutting up the furniture damaging property at home n out in the streets. Fml, he is 14 n we have so much further to go. What to do...?
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Is he in counseling? Do you call the police when he is missing? Have you contacted any agencies to seek help? I would suggest contacting NAMI. From what you say about his behavior, it sounds like he needs more help than you can provide by yourself. You have a right to feel safe in your own house.

    I am happy that you found us. There will be others who will come along and respond with their advice/ stories. You are not alone.
  3. Snickers

    Snickers New Member

    We were both in counselling but he started trying to jump out of the car while it was moving so he no longer goes, I used to contact the police but then it became pointless because in there eyes he isn't missing he is a runaway, I've tried pcyc sports church camps (which he generally gets kicked out of) I'm working with agencies but Im just running out of options
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry! You need to think of your family safety first, to plan how to help him, if you can.

    He could have reactive attachment disorder if his home life, especially those first three years, lacked a consistent, loving caregiver. If his birthmom took drugs or drank while pregnant, that could have affected his poor little developing brain. Alcohol consumption can cause fetal alcohol spectrum.

    Sounds like he has problems similar to what children can have if they are adopted at an older age and had no consistent loving caregiver until the child got adopted (damage already done) or a child who grows up for several years in an orphanage where there is no love or caregiving.

    We adopted a child who was like this. Is your nephew sexually inappropriate? Is he violent towards animals, does he like fire, or does he pee or poop in inappropriate places? Those are danger signs. Our adopted child was 13 when we found out the worst, after three years, and we decided to terminate the adoption to save our family. Literally, with what he had done, nobody would have felt safe unless he was removed. And in our case, he did it with a smile to adults and a threat to the kids and I feel so guilty but me and husband did not even have a clue at what he was pulling. He never got caught. We wish he had.

    If he is dangerous to you, perhaps it's time to look around for an out-of-home treatment center so that he can heal while you and your other loved ones are safe. If you have children, especially younger, or beloved pets, I'd be careful about having him there, especially at night or out of your sight. Our child did his worst when we could not see him and our younger kids were afraid to tell us what he did because he threatened to burn th e house down and kill us all and they were terrified of him.
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2015
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Does your CPS have resources? If damage was due to prenatal alcohol, is there a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) support group around?
    Not sure if his damage is due to drugs or alcohol, and there may be genetic factors as well. But it sounds to me like he may need intensive care - not the kind of thing you can provide at home. You may still be involved - it seems like you care about him.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Running away in many states is against the law. You need to report it each and every time he does it. there needs to be a paper trail showing that he is not allowing himself to be supervised. You are responsible for any damage that happens when he runs. if you don't report him as a runaway you can be charged with felony neglect. I would contact cps or dps or whatever your child protective agency is called and set-up an appointment to talk to a case manager and bring all of your documentation with you. It might be necessary to have him placed outside of your home and in a program that will work on those behaviors.
  7. Snickers

    Snickers New Member

    I'm working with the police n case workers as well as councillors.
    I used to report it the community services every time he did it but then I stopped for about 5mths, but I have since started again,. I don't want to be charged with felony neglect
  8. Hi Snickers, if you are using your real photo as your avatar, please change it as soon as possible so that someone you know won't recognize you on this site.
  9. Snickers

    Snickers New Member

    How do I do that
  10. Snickers

    Snickers New Member

    Thanks got it