Well, is anyone else nervous
I am nervous, HMBgal. My son is an adult now, but I would have had a hard time with 24 hours/7 days togetherness.
I have spoken with my son after a 2 month period without contact. He's starting his 3rd month in the sober living home and sounds better and appears content there.
He is back in force to his conspiracy theories, and he believes this coronavirus is a sign that the times are changing in ways that were foretold. Something to do with solar something and the gold standard and what not. I try to block it out and I try not to react, which for me is close to impossible. I've asked him to please forego talking about it with me, but he can't control himself. I am grateful that he's trying to hold back at least some, and realizes that I am vulnerable.That's progress. There was a time he could not.
M and I are both "sheltering in place." I was motivated to reach out to my son because if there comes a time we need water, and I could not see a way that we could get it, that made me panic. I wanted to feel as if there would be somebody that loved me that I could depend on. I think my son would come through. That's big.
I have neighbors but hesitate to involve them. I'm the only older person on the block and nobody has asked if I needed anything. I've had some food delivery and M was able to shop once.
I recognize that there are other people my age who are not taking this as seriously as am I. I question myself. I have gone through most of my life being fearless. But I don't want to be stupid.
I was at the brink of going back to work, after a long while off. While I don't have close physical contact with people in my job (i.e, I don't touch their bodies), it is face to face in shared space. I had also been at the point of renting out a couple of rooms in my home (that have their own private entrance and bath). Both of these arrangements, I am re-thinking. Do I want people in my house, even though they can't enter my own area? Do I want to think about keeping 6' distance from people at work, sharing a bathroom, disinfecting doorknobs? As I even think these things a big NO wells up in me. Will this change? I don't know. What does this mean? How to make sense of my life anymore. I even thought of a foster child.
Two weeks ago, I was sailing full steam ahead in each of these ways. Now it's a big NO. What is the middle ground? Will there ever be a middle ground again? How long will this last? This is hard.
It was hard these years that I have been here where almost all of the limits seemed internal: pain about my mother's death, and all of that processing; pain and stress about my son, and all of that processing. And here I am, at the point where I'm ready to live again, actively, and nowhere to go. No flying. No ships. No work. No renters. No activities.
But I can walk where I live. I'm starting a few art classes. My house looks beautiful. I'm gardening. I'm grateful. How about all of you? I'm grateful to have you and to be with you. Be well and safe, everybody.
Thank you HMBgal, for this thread, which I'm hijacking. Sorry.