Could use some board power in advance of this coming Thursday

[Mattsmom277]

I am to meet a out of town provincial police officer at our local provincial police station this coming Thursday. He will be conducting a video taped interview as part of his investigation into the confession my father made to me via facebook for his life time of sexual crimes.

I'm looking forward to having my words documented, to having a moment to be heard by those in authority. I'm also nervous as get out, I have a phobia practically of cameras and video cameras and freeze around them. I'll do my best to ignore it this time. I'm also intimidated about discussing my personal story with a total stranger, as well as so fearful that even with a written confession somehow this won't be enough and he will continue to walk around free and not punished, capable of continuing to offend with impunity. I'm a bundle of nerves is all.

I could use some positive thinking power headed my way. I am already getting anxiety and it is days away.

 

[Marguerite]

Hang in there. Maybe they will send a female officer. And you never know - once you get talking, you'll probably forget all about the cameras.

Marg

 

[lovemysons]

Dear Melissa,
Sending positive thinking power your way.
Might be good to bring a timeline and notes with you to feel extra prepared.

Caring thoughts
Tammy

 

[1905]

Sending strength your way. We'll be there in spirit. I agree, make yourself some notes so you don't forget important things. I know this will be so empowering for you...you got this!

 

[TerryJ2]

I'm sending strength. I hate cameras, too. If s/he's smart, s/he'll chat a bit so you're used to one another and not announce exactly when the camera goes on.
Try to think of someone who NEEDS to hear this. Pretend you're talking to that person when you are taped.
Many hugs. You are strong already. Thursday is just a little bump.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Thanks everyone!

It is a male who will be interviewing me, he contacted me twice last week. He told me first off after introducing himself in call number 1 that he was holding a copy of the conversation between myself and my father. His voice was oozing compassion and he was soft spoken, he is a detective and I believe he mentioned a sex crimes unit, although I might have misheard. He did seem nice and must have thought I was a bit an odd bird. I just uh huh'ed, and okay'ed and thanked him for arranging to travel here (he is over 3 hours away). I just didn't even think to ask questions etc. I was kind of blank, things were just catching up with me emotionally by the time he phoned. I'd already spoken the crown attorney in that same town that day. It was she who had this particular officer assigned to investigate rather than someone local to me.

I'm going to just tell him outright I think that I have a thing with cameras so to please just go ahead and tape and not bring it up or draw attention to it in order to minimize the nerves.

I am going to need a brown paper bag to breath into by Thursday!

 

[Star*]

Sending strength!

And you will not need anything but yourself in that room. When you get weak? Think about all of your sisters from here standing behind you and glaring at that man - 100 fold. GLARING. For him to get his just deserves.

You'll be fine - and we'll be there (in spirit).

 

[Star*]

Oh and as far as those cameras and anything else that makes you nervous? You just use this trick - Pretend you see one of OUR faces on anything that makes you nervous - winking at you - and GLARING at anyone that would make you feel uneasy - kinda like a big sister back up crew right there in that room that no one else can see but you. Practice it now - stare at your computer speaker - see? I'm there - winking - now go to your monitor - GLARE BACK ? See....That's Up all Night winking and glaring back.....and then you look at the picture on the wall - makes you nervous - IT"S TERRY - GLARING at them - and winking back at you. It works believe me. We're there you girl. And me? I'm standing in the corner holding BIG FREAKIN bat thumping it up and down in the other hand. Just giving nasty looks to anyone making you nervous and a lovely lovely little smile and wink to you - with a slight nod. You just go do your thing. And picture us all over that room. DEAR GOD I don't know what Margurite is holding but it's scaring the poo out of me - THE WOMAN IS WICKED! and That's LMS over in the corner - smiling - smiling....(she's not prone to those nasty looks she's a nice one) lol

Okay - NOW GET IN THERE AND DO YOUR THING KIDDO.

 

[Marguerite]

If this were a media interview, you would be asked to not look at the camera. I think the same rule could apply here. And if you don't look at the camera< you do forget it's there. Last time I was interviewed, I had to keep self-censoring because what I wanted to say was not what I wanted to go to air. But in your case - let it all hang out.

At some stage, write a book. use this experience as your springboard.

Marg

 

[HaoZi]

How did you handle the cameras when the paper did the story on you and your sister? I know still photos is different from video, but draw on the same things that got you through those, draw on your anger, your pain, on the knowledge that you have the power to help stop him from victimizing others in the future, and if they don't act on it they can't say they weren't warned.

 

[klmno]

((HUGS)) I had to testify unexpectedly, no doubt, to childhood abuse a few years ago and it really brought a lot of PTSD symptoms back. It is so hard afterwards although it seemed to go well during the actually testimony. Anyway, just tell the truth but don't embellish out of concern for getting justice. It's ok to be nervous and even cry when it feels appropriate or gets sticky - it shows the emotional pain it has caused you. I read that thread but couldn't get to it to respond at the time. I'm sorry- I am SO glad to get any person who intentionally harms a child, especially in that way, off the streets and out of any family they are supposed to be a role model in.

 

[Jena]

we are all behind you and rooting for you!!! Star's right get in there and do what ya gotta do! you can do it, you'll be fine. it'll also be theraputic. dont' be scare, be brave, speak up for you and all that makes you as great as you are!!

update after good luck!!!

((hugs))) by the way you are very brave and strong

 

[susiestar]

Sending lots and lots of love and support. You are very brave and I am proud to know you!! I iwll be right there with you - keeping Star from making faces at you. Don't load up on caffeine before the interview as it will make you jittery. If you feel you need some kind of boost, take a vitamin B supplement. It iwll give you energy (and neon yellow pee) and not the jitters. Learned that from the honors engineering majors on my dorm floor in college.)

What you will be doing is so very important and you will protect hundreds of young people by telling everything. I know it won't be easy, in fact will be difficult and embarrassing and horribly painful. Just remmeber all of those children he won't be able to abuse and how they won't have that hurt look in their eyes for all their lives because YOU got the evidence and stood up and spoke out to stop him. Focus on that and your rage at how he abused you with impunity for so long. I recently read that before a predator of children is stopped they have an average of between 30-100 victims - think of how many you will save in the rest of his years.

Many many hugs and tons of support!

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{Hugs}}} I know you can do this... you are stronger than him.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Thank you all. I've just read the further responses in this thread and they came at the perfect moment as I woke at 4a.m. from a horrible nightmare and haven't slept since. I kept occupied reading a absorbing novel and drinking tea, and then came to the board to these uplifting messages from you all.

I shall picture all of you glaring about and ready to bop people over the head if I find the cameras too rattling. I had hoped that one, I mean ONE, of the people on this list of people he confessed to abusing, might have offered to attend the interview with me. If not to give statements themselves, to at least be supportive to me and perhaps a bit of gratitude that someone is stepping forward to try to stop this insanity. I believe now that they are all paying lip service about this all transpiring, saying what they believe I want to hear while desperately trying to keep their own heads stuck in the sand (and in a few cases, somewhat up their own back ends). While I feel compassion for them all, especially the more elder women, I can't pretend I am not feeling very disappointed and more than a tad angry, that not one has the guts to put their own stories out there in a combined effort to see this man stopped. It seems that they will be needed to dragged into the entire mess by the investigator, which is never a good position to be building a case on. The ridiculous thing is they all agree that if he's charged on multiple counts (hello! File statements! DOH!) he would likely plead guilty to avoid court hearings (I concur in that belief).

For now I'll focus on what I do have control over, which is myself and my actions and contributions. I will have to hand the rest of them to a higher power than I, because otherwise I'd be beside myself with anger at some of these people given their supposed support when I get these random phone calls on the topic. (On a side note, the phone has turned deadly silent now that there is a date for this interview).

 

[Marguerite]

Mattsmom, whether it is true or not, it is probably better that other victims are not present when you give your evidence. that way, if/when they give their evidence and it seems too similar to yours, it won't be able to be blamed on them copying your story.

Have you ever seen ducklings going for their first swim? They mill around on the edge of the pond, looking scared. None of them wants to get in. Then for whatever reason, maybe one of them falls in and finds it is an experience in freedom. The others quickly follow and very soon the pond is full of fluffy yellow delight, all enjoying a new experience.

But always, one duckling has to be first.

Marg

 

[Star*]

Did u see Sister Susie * just try to keep me from making faces? Huh did ya? neener.......

Hope all went well today for you! - I was also doing the duck walk.......(incurable quack)

 

[lovemysons]

Melissa,
You are heavy on my mind this morning.
I know you're going to do great at the interview today!

Stay Strong
Tammy

 

[TerryJ2]

Thinking about your today!!!

 

[Mattsmom277]

THanks again everyone. I'm off out the door now, if I can manage to get the cat hair I picked up on my black slacks OFF of me. I will update later today. Taking deep breaths this morning and hoping that this is a baby step towards action. Trying to not feel rattled that none of the people involved have even called to check up, wish me well, anything at all. Oddly, my own family? Phone hasn't rung. difficult child did remember (unreal!!) and phoned last night to tell me to give em he*$ mom. Aww! S/O was up early with me and I hope he can focus, he has 2 exams today but I know his ways, he will have this in his mind until he can see me and speak to me. I'm glad easy child is picked up at school by her dad tonight so that if it's emotional I am not forced to act happy go lucky.
K, off to de-furr and get out the door. Interview is scheduled to begin in 30 minutes. Should be on time I guess, manners and all. This detective has just spent 3 1/2 hours driving to get here. Cya later everyone. *gulp*