Court tomorrow - pray......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My son has court tomorrow. Pray that he will go to it. He walked over here last night and then to the ER. I am sure he got prescriptions - we did not fill them and husband took him back to somewhere. The family he was living with - for the second time - supposedly kicked him out because he didnt want to work with them in there lawn business. Of course, I got another story from him. I dont know what to believe. We tried going to the halfway house and the man said call back in two days - we dont have a bed now. So we didnt know what to do - i told difficult child I would take him to the mission or detox. He couldnt come home. Again it was so hard. I fear for him all the time. I fear for his safety. I am hoping the court wiill somehow help him. I am trying to stay out of it. It is hard for me to because I want to let someone know what is going on. He looked kinda rough yesterday. He said he hadnt had a bath yet and I dont know where he will stay tonight so he can go to court tomorrow at 9:00. If they are following through with the program they have given him it wont be pretty. I just wish there was more than jail.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    A big hug for your hurting heart and a big applause for your ability to stand with courage. It is not easy to watch your child hit bottom. Bottom is not pretty. Sounds like he is finally getting there. Stand firm. Don't get caught up in what your heart says, but go with your head on this one. You know that if you allow this to happen, he will have to get help. Jail is not easy, but at least he would be forced to get clean, would have food, and would have to face the truth about his life. It did my difficult child more good than all the money I spent on rehab, treatment, and enabling him.

    One thing I did do. When my difficult child went to jail the last time, I disconnected my home phone. He couldn't call my cell collect, I could call and check on him, but I didn't have to listen to his pitiful promises to straighten up if I would just give him one more chance.
  3. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Stands, I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

    You are really being strong, and your example is helping me coping with my difficult child. I think your warrior mom armor is getting thicker and thicker. I'm sure you are desperately worried about your difficult child. I hope they find a place for him tomorrow.

    Love, Esther
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Stands -

    When you feel like falling tomorrow -just know I'll be behind you to hold you up too! I don't know if this will help you, but sometimes it did me. I would look at the situation and think "Okay Star, if this is the worst it ever gets - if this is as bad as you'll ever have to see your son - then we can get through it." Little by little every day I'd make myself believe that it couldn't get worse than it was - and somehow I found the ability to move forward in this.

    I hope that your son makes it to court. It seems in that court showing up is 1/2 the battle. The kid who lied about Dude is now in that same jail and WILL be getting time because of him NOT showing up to court when he was supposed to. (Kinda happy for him) :laugh:

    I'm proud of you friend.

    Hugs & Love and of course prayers continued......always
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    i am just scared. I want to call him and find out if he is ok. I am sure he is thinking that he is going to jail so lets just live it up. That can be dangerous. he is probably with the boy that beat him up and took all of his clothes again because if he has pills they all love him. This is crazy. I need to look at positive things for me and try to sleep.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Try to get some sleep. I am so sorry for your worry and your pain. -RM
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    Let it go, give it over to your HP and get some sleep. My prayers are with you swc. Big hugs for your hurting heart. xoxo ML
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Stands, I hope that you will sleep well. You should also rest assured that the court knows what is going on and you don't have to tell them anything. Your son is not a reliable source of information but his actions speak for themselves.

    I'm surprised to hear that they have a business. Somehow I had gotten the impression that they were crackheads, but if they have their own business and kick out your son because he won't work it seems like there is more to them than that. But, if he has nowhere to go, maybe he will go to a shelter on his own or to a rehab and make it work.

    Set yourself free, Susan.
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking of you and your family today. Any news yet?
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed, Stands. DDD
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well he went to jail. He is only going to be there about 10 days! I wish the judge would have court ordered him somewhere. He needs to find somewhere to live. There is a place in Greenville called XXXX - kinda like a halfway house but I believe he needs more. I wonder if I should call the judge? Is it too late? or should I stay out of it? My mind keeps going in circles. It always makes me anxious when he gets out of jail. His picture on the website looked like he was stoned out of his gourd. I hate seeing it. But I am so glad he got there. It is a miracle - he could have easily ran. Tell me what you think. You guys have given me a lot of support and I appreciate it.
    Lasted edited by : Apr 1, 2009
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Susan, I've edited the name of the facility out of your post. We don't name names here as it risks your privacy and theirs, not to mention a potential liability issue down the road for the site. If anyone wants to know the name they are welcome to PM you.

  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Susan, please don't call anyone. Your thinking is getting distorted again. It's his addiction and his life and he will fix it when he is ready and not one second before that. Or he may not fix it at all. But to assume that there is something that you can do is not realistic and only harmful to him. If he wanted help he could have asked for drug court, but he didn't.

    Let this be the beginning of you letting him choose what happens in his life. Let him be a man. A man makes his own mistakes and learns from those mistakes. A boy lets his mom do it. Your son is 26? 27? Let him be a man.

    Don't take his calls from jail, let him work it out himself. It's only ten days and they'll probably release him early. Set yourself free. Set him free, too.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2009
  14. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Please listen to Witz! Her advice was excellent, I have nothing to add except to plead with you to listen to her!
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Susan you've been doing so well, please don't crumble now. You can do it. You can stay strong and firm and help difficult child face the conscequences of his actions all by himself. And we're here to help you stay stong.

    I wouldn't make any phone calls. Let the cards fall where they may. In the end, it will all catch up with him.

    Instead, do something nice for yourself today or someone else. Distraction is the best thing when you feel the need to do something when you really shouldn't.

    Sending ((((hugs)))))
  16. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    I remember replying to one of your threads a little while back, and I described my 44 year old sister - drugs were more important than her kids, her extended family, friends, health, etc. She lost custody of her kids permanently, she's been in and out of rehab four times to my knowledge, most recently last fall - and got kicked out three or four days early for breaking the rules. She and her latest male friend are living in a house that should probably be condemned...

    My mother and I tried to help her, especially when the kids were little. We paid for food, diapers, rent, utilities, car repairs, etc - all in the name of "love". We are not wealthy people, and the debt I took on for her behalf makes me sick to think about it. When her son went to live with his dad, and N* came to live with me, we stopped "helping". She went to rehab for the first time after that.

    My faith does not allow me not to stand by and watch her go hungry, or not drive her to a hospital, or pick up a $2.00 Rx from the pharmacy, but she won't live in the same house with me. When she's been clean and sober and working on a long term plan to stay that way, I saw to it that her children visited with her, and when she started using again, the visits stopped.

    I am sharing this with you again to give you some insight of what life looks like 20 years down the road. I think he really needs to learn that you will not be there to fix everything for him. You'll worry, you'll pray, and maybe, you'll learn to love him at a distance.

    Praying for your strength...
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Bake a cake for your daughter, take your son to a movie or to see one of his school ballgames or track meets. When you want to fix your difficult child, do something for one of the others. Everyone, including your difficult child will benefit.

    You asked us what you should do. Don't take his calls, don't call anyone. Set yourself free.
  18. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just wanted to echo what the others have said. Let it go. This is "not your problem." It's HIS.

    Wishing you strength.
  19. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes you are all right. I will go visit my dad with easy child son next week and then I will go with my husband to Univ. of NC for friday and saturday and then to church on Easter and out to eat with daughter and son in law. I need to be more involved than I am I guess. I am just not a good cook and it takes up so much time to cook however I love to make desserts. She you have already redirected my thinking! I will read the Setting Boundaries book again.
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Way To Go, Susan! I like to bake, too by the way. Me and Betty Crocker have it all wrapped up.