Cps called on me and now im being harrassed: Help me please

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by army wife, Nov 23, 2012.

  1. army wife

    army wife New Member

    So, this happend over a month ago,my 5 year old was using the restroom when my 9 month old (at the time) started banging his toy on the bathroom door and my 5 year old opened it and let him in , I grabbed the baby and moved him away from the bathroom and into the hall, he then crawled as fast as he could back to the door, I didn't see him and began closing the door, his finger was near the hinges of the door so I starting shutting it then realized what happend grabbed him it was awful anyway you could imagine how hysterical I was, my 9 month old was injured and I did it. all the meat and skin was off the tip of his finger. The bone wasn't broken. anyway I called 911 and first 3 cops showed up begging to go inside and take a look around the house I kept saying no crying holding my hurt baby and they kept asking. My children refused to take a nap that day and the house was pretty darn messy, no messes more than a day old but there were messes. the kitchen table was so cluttered and the floors had not been swept yet that day and it was around noon. the boys had just flooded the bathroom during their bath just 2 minutes before the accident and there were wet towels hanging all over hte bathroom and my kids were still half naked. but no messes more than a day old. busy bad day I was having. baby was teething and my 2 year old was throwing tantrums that day. Finally I told the cops "whatever just go in" So anyway the cops called CPS even tho they only saw 3 rooms in the house. ( I know cause I made sure I went in with them.) well, first they kept asking me stupid questions like what was my and my husbands diagnosis if we had any and what was wrong with my 5 year old. Ianswerd them cause I was so upset and oh my gosh it was crazy.

    The cop told CPS the condition of our house was bad and we had roaches. we had roaches?, cps came over I showed them inside every cabnent proving there were no roaches anywhere but the case was already opened by then and even though my house was completley spotless when they showed up, my case was opened and they were not going to close it anytime soon. Oh I forgot to mention how this happened on a Friday and our caseworker they assigned to us was absent that day and not going to back till Monday we lost our children until Monday evening after many many calls to her she showed up finally around 5:30. the kids were at my moms. She said she wants a full medical assesment done on my husband and I both and that this appears to be an accident BUT we both had medical conditions. I have ADHD and my husband has PTSD from a recent deployment.! she said we both HAVE to see a physiatrist and take whatever medications are described to us!!! what! I explained our problems were under conrtoll she didn't care.

    She wants to speak to my sons school, my kids doctors, and my husband and my doctor! My neighbors are so nosey on top of all this and keep walking by my house trying to hear any conversation anyone has at my house, even my company has noticed them doing it so it's not my imagination. the school, doctors everyone knows now! nobody knows why but they know I have a case with CPS!!! CPS ask me if my husband or I have any native american in our family, if anyone in our family has mental health conditions, they ask about how many siblings we each have with each parent and if they are married where they live and their kids info, wth! what do I do I can't afford a lawyer but I guess it's the same price as a cytriotist I may. (I can't spell that).

    I don't undesrstand why we are being harrased they are really nosey about my husbands information and everytime I question her she says "I HAVE to know." she said "I know it's going to seem like I am getting in all of your personal buisness and invading, and that's cause I am" Has this happened to any of you? I have searched online and I can't find info on what questions I don't have to answer, what questions I should ask them or anything. we REALLY don't want a lawyer with christmas coming up and us trying to buy a house in a few months, what should I do to get them to go AWAY she says we have to have someone come over and stay here for 6 hours a week to 'watch' us as a family. I don't want that. I feel like all my rights were removed. everytime I see that cop now in public (we live in a very very small town) he just looks away. (the one that called.) I'm upset any advice?! she is coming back the 30th to get our reporst from our '' physiatrist that we are not going to go to seeing as we just decided a few days before not to get my husband and i on medical insurance for a while. (oops)
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear this. All of this over a messy house and an accident that could happen to anyone. Where I live CPS allowed a child to starve to death at the hands of the people he was placed with.
  3. army wife

    army wife New Member

    Really? that's crazy. yeah we live in a really small town, good neighborhood, and so I guess there aren't any big cases for them around here and so that's why they jumped on this one.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    OK, I've dealt with CPS a lot. First... You don't have to answer a lot of questions, but things will go a lot better if you do - and honestly. Messy houses aren't an issue. Even roaches aren't that bad - IF you have cleaned otherwise. Yeah, they're gross, and tend to like filth, but - I had a spotless apartment that had roaches due to the building next door - not even MY building - and I lived upstairs. Anyway... ADHD is not a huge deal. Neither is PTSD unless they can prove he has hurt someone because of it...

    As for medications and psychiatrists... If your husband is in the military, doesn't he have Tricare? Or whatever they are calling it these days? Being as you are a dependent, you should be covered too - AND - they will help you with legal issues too. Usually free or darn near. And if your husband has been deployed, he should get care at the VA hospital. Regardless - if not. Take your medications if you have any prescribed. Keep them out of reach of the kids - means NOT in the bathroom medicine cabinet, trust me. And if you can't afford the psychiatrist, call the county health department and ask for help. In fact - call CPS and tell them you are trying to comply but you need help because you can't afford it. That will go in the file. Any questions they ask - ANSWER. Don't try to hid anything. And the neighbors, etc. can stuff it - unless they are good friends, you don't care about them, and if they ARE, they know the truth anyway. The schools deal with this stuff all the time, for even dumber reasons (we had an "anonymous" call that we forced a suicidal teenager to keep 3 loaded firearms in her room... We didn't even OWN 3 firearms and the only one we HAD was unloaded and locked in OUR locked bedroom).

    You do NOT care what other people think. It is NONE of their BUSINESS. And... When they see that you are cooperating and CPS closes the file and stops... They'll find someone else to look at.

    Unfortunately, this isn't harassment... CPS is doing their job. And when teachers or cops report "possible" abuse... It's more involved than anonymous or civilian reports...
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have not been in your shoes but I raised far too many young children, lol, and have had horrible days where I could have easily been doubted. Heck there were days when I doubted my own sanity. Most of us have been there done that. Hugs.

    Is your husband still in the Army? If he is I "think" he can access legal advise free of charge. It makes sense to find out exactly what you need to do, what you should say and what you legally have the right to avoid saying to CPS.

    Secondly I would suggest that you buy yourself a notebook and make a journal starting with "the day". Enter your honest recollection of what happened on each date. Don't journal anything that is false. There is a good reason to maintain records....mainly those type of first hand notes are considered in court cases. Secondly..and importantly... ADHD often ties in with memory and accurate retention. I have raised three ADHDers (one with gifted IQ, one with normal IQ, and another with a secondary issue) and all three "think" they recall things accurately after the fact and they often do not. So...protect yourself by making quick notes on a daily basis when phone calls or visits are fresh on your mind. It may prove very helpful.

    by the way I would suggest not having the lady show up for a report that does not exist. That is wasting her time and will make it appear that you are being less than cooperative. IF you and your husband allowed your insurance to lapse PRIOR to the incident so that it is not possible to comply...have proof of that fact. Hopefully the Army attorney can lead you down this path. Sending best wishes. DDD
  6. army wife

    army wife New Member

    that stinks that you have had to deal with CPS so much this is my first time and I'm going nuts. My husband just got out of the army and our tricare ended the 16th of October we were dumb and decided to save money and not get on health insurance for a while, we regretted the choice the next day. but anyway, we dont have any roaches that was a lie we showed them that too. And no I have never personally met the neighbors I am talking about. I was hoping that I didnt have to do all this but I guess this is some pop quiz God decided to give me. thanks for your information and advice. :)
  7. army wife

    army wife New Member

    and I wanted to add that I was not being scarcastic i honestly feel like 'oops' for not getting on health insurance that was 3 days BEFORE the accident happend i decided that. I just wanted to make sure I worded that right. and @DDD I had to keep calling her because I couldn't see my kids again till I had an interview with her. if that's what you were referring to.
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2012
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Part of the insurance laws are that you have 30 days to decide whether or not to take COBRA health insurance. For the kids? Most people who are in the army with young children are not very high ranking and they qualify for the state children's insurance. It is sometimes called medicaid even though each state has it's own name for it - in my state it is Soonercare.

    You NEED to first stop worrying. The more you cooperate the more reasonable the CPS people will be. We were investigated when we learned that my oldest was attempting to murder my middle child during the night on a recurring basis. We took my daughter to the doctor to get referrals to psychiatrists (we abbreviate that as psychiatrist here on the board, and therapists/psychologists as tdocs - helps with spelling :yess:) and therapists and any needed medical care from him trying to strangle her. The pediatrician gave us the choice of calling in ourselves to report, and knowing she would call in a report, or of making that report together. We made the report together, and we got a total idiot of a caseworker. Ours was so bad that our elem school principal made a major complaint and stopped the interview of my daughter because the things the cw said were abusive to my daughter. I would allow them to talk to the children with either the school principal or your attorney present. they are going to talk to the kids, but there should be someone there as a witness because you need to know what happens and your child needs protection too.

    Google "parents rights during CPS investigation" and similar phrases until you find more on your legal rights. CPS will try to violate some of them and it is always wise to have an attorney and to know your rights. You can contact legal aid for help, and I recommend this.

    I know it is hard, but you will get through this. Try to look at it as finding new sources for help. Be sure to tell CPS that you want help with insurance, and if you are eligible for help then of course you want it. The more cooperative you are, the better the report will be, but don't ignore your rights. I found it helpful when the cw would ask for things to say that legally I didn't have to answer/give permisison/etc... but I was going to give the answer or permission as long as a neutral 3rd party or my atty was there during whatever it was. This let the cw feel she had some power over me, and it also protected my rights and let her know that she couldn't make things up and behave inappropriately. Out school principal told us to do this after I spoke with her about the problems.

    This isn't fun, but the more you can be calm and rational, the better off you will be. It is likely that the degree of your upset when the cops were called was a big part of why they asked for your diagnosis, and for other things. Plus some people are idiots, but that is just life. This will end, but it will go better if you are honest, open, and up front about things. Work hard not to be offended - remember that most cps people are there because they truly CARE. They don't get paid well enough to do that job if they don't care, Know what I mean?? WOrk with them for the best interests of your children.
  9. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    We've had CPS out to our house 3(!!!) times and we do not in anyway abuse or neglect our children. Three false reports were filed but we cooperated in every way and the CPS investigators worked well with us. As others have suggested, I suggest cooperating with whatever they want. Don't worry about what the neighbors think - your family comes first!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You've gotten some good caring advice and I wish you well. I don't think I mentioned anything about calling her too often in my post. on the other hand, some days I don't remember what to heck I've done or said. Good luck. DDD
  11. You have already gotten very good advice and information. We have had social workers and police out to our house before as well. They had to come after difficult child was admitted to hospitals psychiatric ward a few months ago.

    It was a surprise visit - we were just about to eat dinner and the house was a mess but we invited them in and spoke candidly with them. We were open and honest and didn't hide anything.

    I think the best thing we did was to be as open and honest as possible. I agree with others that this will be your best tactic with them as well. Tell them your situation, ask them for help in complying with the need for you and husband to see a psychiatrist. With his PTSD they are probably just trying to be cautious and make sure that he is ok (which I'm sure he is).

    Big hugs to you. You'll get through this and come out the other side. It is hard but you'll all be ok.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think we are all at high risk for this to happen because of the extraordinary issues we face. Q told a teacher I scratched his arm once and she called. Funny thing is, I did! Not on purpose though and when cps called they asked when they could come I asked for the soonest they could come. The guy came and in the end he read the reports about how q has falsely accused people and saw that we welcomed any county and private services we could get and he closed the case. He actually said they couldn't offer more than we had. A messy house alone won't be a big issue, only an unhealthy or dangerous situation. I had dishes in my sink and didn't worry to scrub floors ( they are swept though)..... It was really an icky feeling though. And pretty scary. by the way, he looked at Q's arm and asked him and q as usual told the truth (he always tells on himself )....and the guy laughed. I'm just sharing that it's scarey and I did it! And still I was open and honest which I think helped very much. I'd not overshare nor would I call which can look desperate and send up red flags but there are parents here and I have a friend who actually used the situation to get services. My friend even got a monthly stipend for whatever they needed to help. Their job is child protection but their goal is family preservation.....but there are jerks so take Susie's advice and walk that line of being open but smart.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    CPS doesnt care about a messy house. They care if your house is falling down and it doesnt have a roof or windows. As long as all the kids have beds and clothes and food, your good. I have slammed my kids finger in the car door when he was little. I dont think I took him to the hospital though. Its been so many years.

    I did have a neighbor once years and years ago call the cops on me because my youngest was only wearing socks while we were moving into a new house. yeah that stupid. He was 2 at the time. It was April. Not exactly freezing out. The cops came out and I had to explain to them that Cory had a medical condition where he wore orthopedic shoes and the doctors orders were he wore the shoes 2 weeks on and 1 week off. His feet were so bad that the week that he had his shoes off, his feet didnt fit into regular shoes at that point. Eventually they did but he hadnt been in the ortho shoes long enough for the bones to move that much yet. So until then he wore thick socks. Why my new neighbors felt it was their business to watch out the window and see what shoes my kids were wearing is beyond me. Nosy.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ummm.... Janet? Did you read what you wrote?
    I'd have called the cops on you if ALL Cory had on was his socks.

    Having read the rest of the post, I suspect Cory was actually dressed, and just didn't have shoes on...

    Thanks for the laugh!
  15. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    I think there is a search thing on here, I went through the same thing starting in March of this year. Too huge to retype. Just search for my posts.

    Right now your kids are with you. That's a big part of keeping them.

    The cops will make things up. I don't know why. I think our cop just wasn't that smart based on questions I asked him, and the horrible report he wrote up. We lost our daughter for five weeks, and it wasn't until they saw her cut her own hair and burn a stuffed animal that they believed us. The whole thing was horrible. I had to start taking Xanax because of it.

    Our assigned social worker actually was good. She has a child on the spectrum and knows that they're different kids. She also was very blatent that the SWs don't have much training on kids with autism, much less any disability.

    You have pretty much no rights when it comes to your kids. Having your mom in town is a huge plus, we don't have family in town and they want the kids to stay in their school. They can open a case with pretty much no evidence because they're protecting the kids, supposedly. Document, keep journals, pics, etc. The response I got at the end of all this was that they just expect every single parent to lie, period. And my mama-bear instinct, that to them meant I was hostile. Like they expect you to be all cheerful while they're stealing your kids and accusing you of hurting them.

    My daughter pretty much told everybody she was in foster care, so the whole school knows. husband doesn't ever want to show his face there. Thankfully it's the last year at that school.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sigh...I guess I didnt express that well. Typing isnt talking. And to be frank, at that age in the house he might have had nothing on but a pair of undies and his socks. I would have been doing my utmost best to keep the undies on him. He liked to streak. All the boys did when they were little.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    janet, at least he wasn't stripping. Jess saw something on Barney where Baby Bop said to take it all off and took off her coat, so from then on Jess thought that you were supposed to take off ALL your clothes when they played some song. One of those songs they sang over and over and over.

    She also loved that old song, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. In her little twisted mind you were supposed to take off your clothes to that also.

    We had FITS for about six months with her just ripping her clothes off to certain songs, lol! I was pretty shocked that we didn't end up with CPs involvement over that, actually.

    The quality of the cw varies so widely. We did find it best to be open and honest but also to take VERY good notes, to have a friend or advocate or attorney with us to take notes of all conversations and to record all phone calls.

    When a person is very stressed/upset, they will NOT absorb/understand all that is being said and their memory of the events will have BIG holes and/or inaccuracies. This is NOT bc you have any specific diagnosis or issue. it is because you are human and that is how our brain works. It is why eyewitness testimony varies so widely and is usually the least accurate source of information.Have someone with you taking notes at every interaction with CPS. find out if it is legal to record phone calls with-o the other party knowing (some states say yes, others say no). If you cannot record the phone call, take notes while you are on the phone and type or write a detailed account of the conversation as soon as you are off of the phone.
  18. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Something mentioned by others, and I want to repeat it because it worked for us. We flat out told CPS we couldn't afford everything they wanted, PLUS that I had called and called and called and couldn't find any psychiatrists or tdocs that would take my insurance, that had room, and could take somebody daughter's age. husband doesn't have health insurance. It took over a month before somebody was able to tell me about a developmental pediatrician. that had openings about an hour from us. When you say "I have no resources, if you want me to do XYZ, you need to provide me XYZ". In our area they don't have the budget to be able to provide those things either. We ended up finding an "alternative" therapist to give daughter and husband a session, but that person didn't do a good job, I told CPS and they accepted that we at least tried.

    The biggest part for them was to see daughter medicated, and to have her principal report that she changed so much just from the medications that they knew it was all her, not anything we did. And I didn't tell them anything they didn't need to know, like how I had been burned a year ago and was in the hospital and things spiraled out of control for daughter's stress level without me to be there for her like I had been before. They didn't need to know that at all, and it never came out. I was very selective in what I told them, but I'm good at that, telling people what they want to hear.

    And don't forget to take care of yourself right now.