D/S Disciplined because IEP Not Followed

[Marguerite]

Sorry, I saw this soon after you posted but I wasn't able to reply until now (busy with dinner, etc - then BF2 was submitting some forms for work). Overall I think you've done this well. Certainly it makes the point clear that you feel they are doing the wrong thing; and also, that you have been doing your best to work with them. However, maybe I don't understand this particular situation - why did you make him apologise, if the school were the ones who were supposed to ensure he had an escort?
Although, this DOES show that you are really working hard at supporting them and this isn't just a knee-jerk "don't be critical of my darling child" reaction.

You've listed events - good. You've acknowledged your own part in misunderstandings - good. A teacher who has directed a certain punishment because she didn't know that this was inappropriate should feel free to change tactics once the knowledge needed is given. It is no shame for her to say, "I misunderstood - we'll leave it for now."

Did the advocate suggest any further steps? What did the advocate think about sending your letter to the district head? Or you having a talk to the district head? Or someone else in District, maybe in Disability?

I do know, that in our area the District were all directed towards protecting their own rear ends and not the student, whenever there was a conflict over what was being done. When I had a problem with the District Disabilities person, it was ironic that the school was backing me up in the face of her determination to cut me out of difficult child 3's Special Education support. In our area, we have no grievance procedure. If we complain, the letter gets referred right back to the person we've complained about, not just for their knowledge (which is understandable, but for them to investigate (which is not acceptable at all).

This could happen again. It could also escalate - or not. But if the school still don't fully understand exactly what their responsibilities are with IEPs and Behaviour Plans, then it's highly likely this will happen again. So you may need to do some discreet digging, for future reference - what sort of accountability is there in your system? What sort of grievance procedure is there? I can't help much here because I'm just a tad out of your area!

This may be beginning to feel like you're blowing things out of proportion, but I do see this as a pivotal issue - either they 'get' what they should have done, or they don't. And if they don't, then what do they really think the IEP is for? That may be a question you can ask them if you have to send another letter.

It's possible they may be hoping that once punishment has taken place that you will drop the subject. After all, it's all over by then, it's like continuing to petition the governor for clemency after the execution has been carried out.

Hang in there. Keep it polite as you have done, and hang on like a bulldog.

Marg

 

[cnels]

Thanks for your support. I'm glad you see this as nice, becuase I really don't want to be hostile...I sometimes come across like that. I had him apologize I kept it light and he was 'happy' to apologize. I gave him a natural consequence, missing chess (there's little supervision). But now with the school on him he has been angry and today doesn't want to go. This is how he behaves when he is being pushed around by them. By the way, the time he will have this recess taken away it will be 2 and a half weeks from the time he did this behavior. My mom says just lay low 'you are really pushing buttons'. What do you think? Hold on like a bull dog?

 

[cnels]

I sent the letter in the school, and didn't hear back. I even called, but just missed them. When I called the sped teacher said she said 'oh we were going to call you in a little bit, the principal, the school psychologist'. I didn't exactly get the call, but what do you think that was about? Just wondering.

 

[Marguerite]

It means they've taken notice and are trying to work out what to say as a united front. You know them better than I do - can you extrapolate some possible responses from them? If you can, make a list and formulate your replies to them. Run it in your head, but make notes to have with you and keep the notes in your pocket or by the phone. Take notes of what they say, try and remember to write it down word for word. All this may blow over and they may cave, or they may not. But being able to quote them back later on will be really useful.

I hope it means they give way, but it's most likely that they will save face before anything else. If you feel that is what they are doing, try suggesting "working with them as a team to all develop skills to handle this for future situations, and other kids further down the track. All kids are different and the skills they have clearly developed for other difficult kids may not be enough in this case; but if you can keep the communication happening and pool resources then you should be able to help educate this child as a team."

It's the emphasis on team work (with you on the team) and also that it's no shame to not have all the answers with your son, because he IS not like most others, that should keep the channels open, you involved and relations as cordial as possible.

I just hope you don't have to kick it up to the next level and put in the boot.

Marg

 

[cnels]

Thanks,Margurite- I talked to the school psychologist, and I said, 'this seems to me like retaliation' (like you suggested I had already planned on that response). Her response was 'he already missed recess, at this point what would you like us do?' I didn't realize he had already missed recess, i was suprised, and she caught me off gaurd. I suppose I will do a follow up email and say, can you make sure the IEP is followed before discipline is taken?