Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mtn.nat, Aug 31, 2011.

  1. mtn.nat

    mtn.nat New Member

    I hope this finds you in better spirits and mood than I am.
    I am new to this site, so please bear with me, this story is long yet time only allows for an abbreviated version.

    My daughter#1 is 14, and has a hx of lying since age 6. Lying daily about everything that is. She tends to elevate herself in her stories about events in her day, or just flat out tell you things which never happened at all. She is openly defiant, shows little to no emotion when caught, and is quick to anger. she only seems happy if she believes she is getting her way and does not believe she and I ever spend time together unless I am spending money. She also believes I prefer her older brother and younger sister to her, which of course is not true. She feels that she is always messing up and would be better off if she weren't around. I had a heart attack, when I was 33, 3.5 years ago. she still blames herself for that, a seed planted by her peers.

    This summer her behavior has become more reckless, we recently found out she has been sneaking out. She will do anything to break even the smallest house rule. She does not own her behavior, it is always someone else's fault or idea. She does not try to hide her misbehavior either, like you would expect. It is as if she does not care if she is caught. This behavior came to a head last Sunday night.

    My husband (over 40) and I (over 35), went to bed at 10:15 pm. At 11:30 pm husband got up to use the restroom and found daughter#1 gone. After spending an hour searching our very small town (total school population K-12<900) we called the police who began a search of nearby towns and back roads ( we live in a very rural part of Mid-Michigan). We spent the entire night looking for her and the next morning. I began messaging her facebook friends as soon as they began to come online, no one knew anything. She was finally found at 11:00 am by her best friend.

    We found out the following after she was found.

    She has a 20 yr old boyfriend whom she has been intimate with. The police are investigating and charges of CSC will more than likely be filed.
    She has been sneaking out on a regular basis both from home and her grandparents house when she stays with them to meet this man. She created a facebook account under a false name to contact him, because I have access to her facebook and kept blocking him from her account. she also has been calling him from home, but when I asked about the number she told me it was a different person. The police have been given all of this information for their investigation.

    After giving her statement to the police about the offender and the details of her running away, husband and I took her to our local community mental health for an ER evaluation. It was recommended that she be hospitalized for suicidal ideations, anxiety and depression.

    she was admitted to an adolescent ward of a psychiatric facility monday night and she hates me now, of course. Since admission she has been diagnosis with depression, mood spectrum disorder, anxiety disorder, ODD & conduct disorder. She is on mood a stabilizer and wellbutrin for depression.

    husband and I will be visiting her for the first time tonight. Wish us luc...
  2. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Hi Mtn.Nat. I am sorry you and your family are going through this. It is so hard to watch the ones you love walk down bad paths. It's heartbreaking and scary.

    Did your daughter's behavior become a problem after your heart attack or has it always been this way? Is she a drug user? Also, is she a "fight or flight" liar or a straight out liar? For example, my oldest son is a fight or flight liar. If I remove the impulse for him to protect himself first by lying, he'll tell the truth. I'll say soemthing like "we are going to talk about X after dinner." Removing the rush of "Oh no! I'm busted!" panic by giving him a heads-up on near future talk lessens his lying considerably. My difficult children on the other hand? The heads-up just gives them time to concoct a better lie. :-/

    She probably is going to be angry with you and your husband. You did the right thing, something she deliberately chose not to do. She may not appreciate it now, but she will one day. Probably when she has her own kids, as my mom told me. When my kids tell me they hate me, I think of a bit Roseanne Barr said in her act: If your kids hate you, you know you're doing your job. It's true.

    I hope this is a start of a new beginning for her and your family.
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am sorry that you are having such troubles with your child. I have a thirteen year old daughter and I do fear that she will begin to do some of these things that you are talking about. She is more than a handful and is in fostercare at this time. I don't see her coming home anytime soon. Sounds like the hospital is a good place for her right now. Welcome to our group. There is a lot of good advice and understanding here, that you don't find anywhere else. At least I haven't. Keep in touch and let us know how your visit goes.
  4. orcaauntie

    orcaauntie New Member

    Good luck! She may either be upset, or just very happy to see you. I wish for the latter. :) Best wishes, and let us know how it turns out!
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just wanted to welcome you, although under these very unfortunate circumstances. You did completely the right thing by admitting her to psychiatric hospital , albeit such a hard decision to make. We have all walked in your shoes and know your pain. Please keep us updated as to how she is doing in psychiatric hospital and what recommendations they have. Hugs.