Desperatly in need of help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bellasia, Feb 24, 2012.

  1. bellasia

    bellasia New Member


    Just stumbled upon this site, am struggling to cope with my 6yr old daughter slight history she was 4weeks premature and was diagnosed with svt (fast heartbeat) whilst in the womb i nearly lost her am a single parent after her dad left as he couldnt cope, also have an 8yr old son who is Autistic they do not see their dad, his choice. Spent most of her early life in and out of hospital having various tests. She is doing much better now but about a year ago her behaviour has become hard to cope with she has constant tantrums does not listen to what i say and will argue with me, is disrespectful and blows up over the slightest thing she always seems so angry. Teachers say she is quiet in school but is behind and struggles in all areas. Constantly fighting and upsetting her brother and she knows how to push his buttons, im at my wits end and have cried (not in front of the kids) because of this im trying so hard but it has got to the stage where i am always shouting at her and i know this is not helping anyone her brother needs me to but everything seems to go on her and i feel like im letting them down. She is always in time out and i have tried to take things away from her as punishment but she will just tell me to shut up and that she dosnt care. Please can you help is this a phase or is it something else

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. You have, indeed, found a wonderful site full of supportive and caring parents. Glad to have you but sorry that you needed to seek us out. You are no longer alone and can express yourself with-o fear of negative results. We are a diverse group and not everyone will provide the same suggestions. on the other hand, it is truly rare that anyone here says anything negative because all of us have had problems that seemed overwhelming.

    My response will be short. Others will be here soon. Thanks for the early information on your daughter because that is a good starting place. Before I go to work I wonder if you could share exactly what medical resources you have sought to figure out the causes of her behaviors. Have you gone beyond seeking advice from her Pediatrician? Has she had any evaluations? Sending supportive hugs your way, DDD
  3. bellasia

    bellasia New Member


    Thanx for yr response i havn't sought any help as i thought it would get better but if anything it has got worst, having a son with Autism recently diagnosed has been a difficult time and battling with the school and system has been a slow process, but it has got to the stage where i dont think its going to get better without help she seems so angry and unhappy all the time and i dont know why or how i can help her.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and welcome!

    I think the fact that she is struggling in all areas at school is a clue that there is something wrong....and not just a "phase".

    Who diagnosed your son? Is it possible to have that same specialist evaluate your daughter and see if he can find any issues she may have?
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was thinking along the same lines as DF. If you liked your son's diagnosticians, then I would bring your daughter. Autism can present in completely different ways in sibilings. She may have some traits and with both of them maybe having issues with understanding the other person's perspective, it is going to be really hard for them to get along at times.

    Oh, by the way, WELCOME! sorry...I just jumped right in there...LOL

    You indeed have found a group of people who understand the crying alone thing. It is heart breaking to have kids with so many challenges.

    What is so challenging with your daughter is that there are so many factors. She has the history of prematurity, the heart issues, the in and out of hospital/tests etc. You have this family history now of a sibling with Autism so she is at risk. Having two kids with challenges means if there is any need some support. I have ONE and I need support...he is out of my house with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers (independent living skills) three times per week. It makes me able to be energized for all of the therapy appointments, doctor appointments, organizing, phone calls, putting out fires that goes on in our daily life.

    I get this support through our county. It is worth a call to your county to see if they gave case management services for children with developmental disabilities. Your son with the diagnosis of autism should at a minimum be eligible. There could be services like respite, or even financial help that is (for some programs) not linked to your income. Some kids with disabilities are eligible for MA as a primary or back up insurance which can open doors for other therapies and even waivers or grants that allow you to purchase support, equipment, therapies that are not covered through traditional insurance.

    I know you have a lot on your plate. What we say here are just things to file away as options and if they dont fit, (certainly not everything will! that is ok. Just nice to have options.

    HUGS to you and welcome again. I hope you check in often and let us know how things are going.
  6. bellasia

    bellasia New Member


    Thankyou, it is just so nice to be able to talk with other people who understand i dont really know what to do at the moment but its good to hear other peoples perspective, i know we cant carry on as we are, i would have to go through the GP for a referrel, im just not sure if its the right thing to do. Guess im frightened of going down the same route again want to do the best for my daughter but so confused as to what that is. My kids cling to me and on the rare occasion ive had to leave them with my mum particulary my son who had a meltdown the last time its virtually impossible. I have never left them with anybody else, even after my sons diagnosis i still feel so alone thought there would be more help out there
  7. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain, I am also going thru similar things with my 6 yr old. This is pretty much the first year his behavior concerned us to the point of seeking outside help. We are currently in the beginning phases of help, we started with his pediatrician and talk therapy, which helped slightly. We are now doing psychiatric evaluations and he is about to start the wrap around program which is a therapist that comes into the home and school to work in his environment. He also struggles in school and recievers reading and math support. This site is wonderful for support and advice! You are not alone! :)
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    do you mind saying what country you live in??? Are you in Canada? USA? Other??? IT helps because members who can relate can help guide you.

    One thing we know for sure, early intervention is important so if you can possibly get those referrals, especially since that can take time, start now. You can always cancel if things improve! But waiting can be a big bummer.

    HUGS and tons of support to you. This is not easy.
  9. bellasia

    bellasia New Member

    I live in England my daughter has an IEP at school and gets some help but not much her behaviour at school is the complete opposite to at home she constantly tells me she hates school ive always felt she does not want to grow up and often wants to be treated like a baby eg being fed, dressed, picked up etc which i discourage, but she will try to use this to get her own way sometimes to the extent of not eating. She is aware her brother is different and seems to resent him and will push his buttons to get a reaction he will often give in to her as he cant bear her screaming. Do you believe i should seek help i just keep hoping she will get better Thankyou all again im so glad i found this site
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    well, from my own experience and from listening here and to people I have worked with in the past...not to mention books and articles... Really, if kids are having issues, they usually are struggling for some reason. Really as my home psychologist whom I truly respect says about my son and all the kids he works with, it doesn't matter if they are doing it "for attention" or to be manipulative etc... bottom line is they are doing it and we need to help them. They are showing that they don't have the skills to do better or at the very least the skills/ability to access the skills to do better (like what happens with many kids with adhd with impulse control...they may be able to state in calm times what to do but in real life...they become too disorganized in thinking and their brain wiring prevents making better choices).

    I have felt my worst as a parent, even if it was unwarranted, when I have missed something. The most consistently, uncontested research for childhood problems of many sorts says that early intervention is connected to better outcomes. Does it mean that everything will be perfect? of course not. But you will never have to look back and wonder if you had started earlier in your search to support her, could things be different.

    So that is a long way to say YES. I am sure you are exhausted because of what is going on with your son and other things in life. But she is giving you a clear message that she needs help and she is very young. Even if nothing is wrong with a child, kids at that age are mostly in it for themselves. (yes I know there are exceptions, but developmentally this is normal) Especially given the risk factors in your life...not the least of which being that some Autism is now thought to be genetic and many have more than one person in a family with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)-like symptoms.

    (just an outsider's perspective... eating issues can be the result of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) symptoms.... or at the least sensory integration symptoms. She may have rules in her head about food or she may not like certain textures, smells, tastes, colors, etc....Just lots to double check because these things can seem very "on purpose" when they do them. I have found myself eating humble pie many times when I have ultimately found out that there was an underlying explanation for a behavior. )

    What can it hurt to double check? (though I know it takes a ton of energy, so go easy on yourself) HUGS, Dee
  11. bellasia

    bellasia New Member


    Thankyou Dee after a very stressful weekend i have phoned the GP and now have an appointment in the meantime my sons violent outbursts are increasing i fear im living in a madhouse, i hate to say it but sometimes im frightened of my own son at times he can be so gentle but when he flips hes not in control of himself