difficult child 2 has been lying to me about homework

[Californiablonde]

I am NOT happy about it. Every day after school he has been coming home telling me he has been doing all of his homework in class. Last week was the first week of school so I believed him. I thought all of his teachers were giving the kids a break. This week I got a little suspicious. I finally logged on to the school website to check his grades and homework. He is missing two assignments. One in math and one in science. They were both due on Monday, which means he DID have homework last week. He lied. He has been sitting at daycare during homework hour goofing off and not doing work. Appararently he's been lying to them too. I so totally don't feel like having a confrontation tonight, but what else can I do? He absolutely has to make up the work, if the teachers will even accept it late. I emailed both of his teachers today asking how he is doing. Is he focusing? Is he completing his classwork? Last year he had a very hard time completing classwork because he couldn't pay attention long enough to understand the assignments. Instead he sat staring off into space and biting his nails till they bled. We started Focalin the last couple of weeks of school and his teacher said she saw some improvement on his getting his assignments done. I am anxious to see how things have been going for him this year. I don't know if the focus is still a problem or if the medications are working and he's just choosing to skip assignments. I am not looking forward to tonight. I haven't been sleeping well and I'm really tired but now I have to closely monitor him and make sure he gets those two assignments done. Hopefully it won't be too much of a struggle. And so the school year begins....

 

[TeDo]

Before you jump to conclusions, I want to pass on what happened in our house. difficult child 1 was NOT dong his classwork and when the teachers tried to force him to, using ultimatums, he would act up and be sent to the office. After a year of this, we found out about his Asperger's and realized it was causing HUGE comprehension issues. It wasn't the ADHD or that the medications weren't helping but simply that he did not understand it so he shut down instead. He didn't want anyone else to think he was dumb so he "lied" in self-defense, to cover up the fact that he didn't get what other people were getting. That and the fact that he wasn't able to drown out the noise around him so he could concentrate. It was easier for him to just not do it. All of us getting after him to do the work (he couldn't even verbalize what the problem was)didn't help with the comprehension issues that were holding him back. He ended up being punished for things that were not his fault and it sent him into a deep depression.

It may be exactly what you suspect but there could also be other very logical explanations. Keep an open mind.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well I just spoke with his math/science teacher and she says he is doing well. The first couple of days he was talking out of turn, but she has since moved him up front and now he's doing better. She says he has no problems focusing or getting his classwork done. She says he is a great helper and follows directions well. Sounds like the medications are doing what they are supposed to as far as focusing goes. She says she had a talk with him about completing the missing homework assignments and he assured her he will do it tonight. She also says he is a great student, very sweet, and a joy to have in class. "Sweet" is not a word I am used to hearing when it comes to my son. He is normally socially clueless and comes off as rude and uncaring to most people. It's nice to hear good things about him. I went ahead and called his afterschool program and gave them the heads up about the assignments. The director says he will make sure my son works on them during homework hour. That's a big relief. He may not finish over there but at least they will get him started on it. They are also going to have someone check his agenda daily to see if he has any homework that day. I'm relieved now that we are all on the same page and difficult child knows what's expected of him.

 

[TerryJ2]

Boy, does that sound familiar. Stay on it, though.

 

[Californiablonde]

His english/social studies just emailed me back. According to her, he is very focused, a hard worker, and eager to learn. So far he is not missing any assignments. Like his math and science teacher, she states he is a pleasure to have in class. I NEVER heard anything even close to that in the last two years. Previously he was accused of being unfocused and lazy with no desire to learn at all. He has done a total turnaround. I was so hesitant to put him on a stimulant because I was so worried about the side effects. I'm glad psychiatrist talked me into it. So far this medication has done wonders. I'm still upset about him lying about the homework, but hearing that he is focused and eager to learn is a HUGE relief. I hope he keeps up the good work. I was SO worried about him starting middle school with all of the transitions, but it sounds like he is getting along just fine. I am actually quite proud of him.

 

[confuzzled]

ita with keep an open mind....

is it at all possible that the wonderful effects of the focalin are wearing off right around the aftercare program? its not that uncommon to need a small booster dose as the extended release is wearing down.

i know here mine takes it around 7 and by 3:30-4ish it starts to become clear that its having minimal effect-if she has major homework i do a small dose to get it done.

doesnt excuse the lying of course, but it might explain the why.

 

[TeDo]

Good point confuzzled. difficult child 1 takes his medications at 9 (we school at home so don't get up early) and 2:30-3. That's about what time he starts getting hyper again and focus goes out the window.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well he completed all his work at ESP yesterday. When I asked him why he didn't do it and turn it in on Monday like he was supposed to, he answered, "I don't know. NOw be quiet so I can finish my video game." I am definitely going to have to stay on top of him and check with his teacher weekly to make sure he is turning in his work. He takes the short acting form of Focalin once a day and I do believe it has completely worn off by the time daycare rolls around. I am going to take him to psychiatrist and ask for the long acting version. For now I'm just really happy he is focusing and completing all of his classwork. Last year he didn't complete most of his classwork and would stare off into space most of the day. Now they are saying he is eager to learn and works hard. It's something I never thought I would hear come out of a teacher's mouth. I am relieved. I had to brag about him on Facebook last night. I couldn't help it. Most of my friends have honor roll students and star atheletes and are constantly bragging about their kids' achievments. It's about time I can say something positive about one of mine, lol.