We too kept Dude by our side every single minute - when he came home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and Group homes. We put locks on EVERY door. WE kept them locked. We locked up the mouse and keyboard and when that got to be a PITA we moved the computer to a locked room and upgraded passwords and security.
WE hid anything that could be used as a weapon and had all our valuables locked up and boxed up. We put a HUGE 9"x11 1/2" sign that said - LEXINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF's PHONE NUMBER XXX-XXXX on two walls and had it preprogrammed into the phone and told him that should he step outside the lines - WE WERE PREPARED TO CALL. ANd did -
It was a very ugly and dark time for us all - we upped our therapy from once to twice a week as we ALL wanted to go to the second session and work on our family and parent skills. WE made a date night out of it.
We allowed Dude SMALL - one time - Here's a watch - it works - it's 12:00 be back by 11:59: 59 or you won't get that bit of freedom for another 2 weeks.
WE told him we didn't trust him -
WE told him we had rights to toss his room and confiscate ANYTHING questionable (DUDE didn't do drugs but he had sticky fingers)
We told him that the house was on a schedule and peaceful and we liked it that way - and #1 IF HE WERE UPSET - he could call a FAMILY meeting. THis is where we all stopped
within reason) what we were doing and came together in the den and worked whatever problem we had out right then - nothing festered. That seemed to help a lot - and any one of us could call a FAMILY MEETING - everyone got a turn, everyone had to be fair, no yelling, NO cursing, and we would listen to his suggestions but in the end the bottom line? Our house, Our rules. A lot of times it helped to get Dude's feelings on it - or to just let him talk it out and HEAR how dumb what he was doing sounded.
I would also check with local police and find out what their policies are for taking kids out of the home and to Department of Juvenile Justice if drugs or booze is found. THen I would let your daughter know what WILL happen.
If you sit down to play a game? You read the rules and directions. Life is no different. You have to know the rules, and the consequences and follow through with them. If she doesn't care? Then she'll have to suffer wherever she ends up at her own doing.
It wasn't easy for us to let Dude go to Department of Juvenile Justice at 16 either - but it did make a difference, and if he couldn't abide by our rules and societies rules - then Department of Juvenile Justice was a good place for him. Broke my heart - but I'm on the mend.
I'm surprised that they won't transition her from there to a group home that's less restrictive to see how she does BEFORE she comes home - ask your insurance about foster care....or something like a less restrictive placement. The insurance company seems to THINK she can handle out patient. Have you asked them WHAT THEY will be willing to DO - should she not. (ever hopeful, but realistic)
Sending huge hugs.
Star