difficult child and boyfriend con easy child son for last time

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by janebrain, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi All,
    just got a call from my son, C. I have been sort of dreading hearing from him because I figured it wouldn't be pretty. If you remember, difficult child had stolen $100.00 dollars from him and of course denied it when confronted. They were supposed to be getting a place together in November--they've been subleasing from a friend of difficult child's. He was willing to give her one more chance.

    Well, he found out that boyfriend had forged his name on some personal checks--C went to withdraw money from his checking account and there was only $4.00 left in it. He and the bank teller went through his history and discovered 3 checks made out to the boyfriend that C did not write.

    Then, he found out through talking with R, the girl that they were subleasing from, that no money has been been on the rent for the apt. C was giving his part of the rent to the boyfriend in cash and boyfriend didn't use it to pay rent (no surprise to me, if I had known I would have warned C not to do this).

    Also, boyfriend was menacing towards C--difficult child asked C for $200.00 and he refused and boyfriend got up in his face and made a fist like he was going to hit him. He told him he had better give her the money after "all she'd done for him." C got out of there and he told difficult child she had better get rid of boyfriend--told her everything boyfriend was doing. She cried and said of course she would have nothing more to to do with boyfriend. C went to stay with R who was nice enough to let him stay at her apt. He thought difficult child had broken it off with boyfriend but they are still together. difficult child says she is "confused" and that he loves her.

    None of this is a surprise to me but I feel very bad for C. He is furious with boyfriend and says boyfriend has difficult child brainwashed. In any case, he wants nothing to do with either of them. He is considering having boyfriend arrested for the fraudulent checks but he is worried about retribution. I can understand that--boyfriend gets a crazed look in his eyes which I have seen myself and it is scary. Plus he is a big guy.

    I talked with R, the friend, and she asked me if I would take the baby if difficult child isn't taking care of him properly. I had to say "no" but told her to call CPS anonymously if she sees any signs of that. I told her I didn't think difficult child would abuse the baby but I could see her neglecting it.

    Okay, gotta run for now--I'll let you know more as I know it. Oh, I'm going to withdraw the rest of difficult child's college money and send it to C to help offset all his losses due to her stealing from him.

  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry you have to watch this unfold. It certainly isn't fair to easy child, but he HAD to know, deep down, what kind of person difficult child was with.

    Hugs to you and easy child. I think sending $$ from difficult child's college fund to easy child is a pretty good idea, though you need to make it conditional on him NOT moving in with his sibling again (if possible).


  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh boy! easy child needs to get the heck away from difficult child and boyfriend. I hope this truly is the straw the breaks the camel's back.

    I have a feeling that boyfriend's menacing demeanor has kept more than easy child from pressing charges over the years. Not surprised about the rent (sigh).

    Sending difficult child college money sounds like a very good idea.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If the checks were for more than 100 bucks a piece then they are felonies. I know from personal experience...lol. Plus if boyfriend wrote the checks and then cashed the checks that is two separate charges...one is forgery the other is uttery. Each is a felony so they could conceivable get him on six felonies. I didnt charge Cory with forgery because we didnt know where he wrote the checks...in my house or in the city so I didnt know which jurisdiction to charge him.

    I would tell your son to go ahead and press the charges. The bail should be rather high. Corys was. Plus if he gets convicted dont count on him getting getting as lenient a sentence as Cory got.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey Jane, I'm sorry it had to come to that with easy child and difficult child/boyfriend. I understand his worries about pressing charges, but this may be a perfect opportunity for difficult child to be alone with herself...I know it's no guarantee and in fact, if she is anything like most difficult child girls, she will feel sorry for the boyfriend. I would press charges, but it's ultimately up to him. If he feels better about just walking away, that is his choice.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    WOW......what a day for you. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) You want to think that at our age and THEIR age these kinds of things only happen on a Lifetime movie event. (Sometimes I wonder if the Lifetime Writers are lurkers here) lol

    I don't know what to think about C's situation other than - you did try to tell him the WHAT IF'S and now he sees. I'm with Janet on the filling charges thing - The worst thing about retribution is the actual act - but your son can TELL the police he fears retribution and they can do something- file an order of protection or peace bond. I lived my entire married life in fear - wont' happen now - you screw it up with me? I'm not going to look the other way - I've had enough.

    I'm GLAD that C has had enough of the goings on - and let him know just to get information from an abused womens shelter for his sister and just leave it for her to read. Something in there MAY help - if she just reads it on her own.

    A baby should be a blessing - and this one is too - I'm just sorry that boyfriend hasn't been run over by a truck. I think at this point it's the nicest thing I can say - he reminds me of my x.

    Hugs huge huge ones - Your'e doing mahvelous dahlin - really really!

  7. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Guys,
    thanks for the support, as always! The checks were for amounts under $100.00. C just wants to never have anything to do with the boyfriend again. In further developments though, he and R feel difficult child is a victim and are trying to rescue her. I don't know if their plan actually went through but the last I talked to C they thought they had convinced her to leave the boyfriend and come live with them. They have lots of conditions--boyfriend does not know where R's apt. is and they planned to confiscate difficult child's cell phone and not allow her a key to the apt. C said that difficult child is feeling very intimidated by boyfriend and is afraid of him.

    I warned him emphatically that I thought it very likely that difficult child will try to get in contact with boyfriend and will want to go back to him. I told him that she probably feels like boyfriend is the only one who cares about her and understands her, etc. and that she feels she cannot live without him. I told him I hoped I was wrong and he said "you've been right about everything so far, Mom."

    I think C needs to give it a try in order to feel like he did his best to save his sister and I understand that. In fact, I felt very bad and sad last night for telling him I thought he should just cut her loose. He pointed out she is about to have a baby and he can't just abandon her.

    So, we'll see how things play out. I do plan to tell him he should take her to a women's shelter if he does have to kick her out. I remember reading some literature to difficult child about emotional abuse about a year ago and she agreed that she could recognize boyfriend in what I was reading to her but it didn't make any difference.

    I am proud of C for being the nice young man he is. He was never the type to defend his sister when they were growing up--in fact, he joined in when his friends gave her a hard time. He didn't seem protective of her at all and found her very annoying. Now, when it counts, he is trying to help her. I know it will probably not work out but I am proud of him for trying--as long as he knows when it is time to stop and I think he will. I am so sorry he got into this mess, that is what makes me feel the worst. Well, that and the poor baby.

    I'll let you know what happens as I find out....

  8. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Well, kudos to C for his good intentions and resolve to stick by his sister. Even though it may not go well, at least he'll know he did all he could (which is important, seeing that he clearly cares about her). The advice to take her to a women's shelter if it doesn't work out is a great idea. The only problem is that she's almost certainly going to get in touch with boyfriend and let him know where the apartment is ... I hope C is ready for that. Maybe he should go and get the restraining order now, since the boyfriend has already threatened him, and given what he's doing for his sister a judge would likely agree that the boyfriend will probably pose a threat to him. Just a thought. Also multiple locks on the apartment, and strict personal safety measures.