difficult child has become a bully!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andrea Danielle, Jun 17, 2007.

  1. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    difficult child needs to have an increase in medications but we are still waiting for some of his bloodwork results to be determined. In the meantime, he is quite unstable. He has sadly recently decided that he is a bully. Whenever younger kids are around he acts like a tough, mean kid by glaring at them and punching his fist into his hand. He gives them a shove occasionally and calls them names. It feels horribly shameful to be the mother of a kid intentionally acting like bully. This form of his aggression is fairly new, although he has always been aggressive this just seems different because it seems that this is his new identity. This is who he thinks he is. There was awhile when he was telling kids that he used to be a bully but that he isn't anymore, well now he sure is. It breaks our hearts. He constantly bosses around and hurts his 10 year old brother too.
    I am terrified to bring him anywhere. :crying:
    We have had a very difficult weekend. I don't know how to help him change this self image. It is not that he lacks empathy, he has it, it just doesn't seem to be available to him right now. Any suggestions?

  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    my difficult child did this last year, and thank god it is done. He is older than your difficult child. I think what helped him was a social skills "class" (aka group therapy) at school this year. This is hard, and you have sympathy as I have been there.
  3. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    I don't have any advice - just sending hugs your way. I hope that you get the medications straightened around soon and that this 'phase' is one that doesn't last long. Oddly enough, our difficult child is aggressive only with adults. He will yell at anyone - any age - but as far as physical agression goes, it's only adults - so far.

    Hang in there. Hopefully the medication tweak will be your answer.
  4. waytootired

    waytootired New Member

    I am so sorry you are going throught this...my heart hurts for you.

    What has changed to make him become a bully? OR has this been a slow growing behavior.Do you think be can control these bully behaviors or is it because he thinks it's cool? Does he see a behavioral counselor? He is five, correct?

    My difficult child has had great luck with Risperdal, but I have heard of other BiPolar (BP) kids having a bad reaction from it as far as behaviors. My difficult child did need an increase about six month into it and a 12 pound weight gain. He said he started feeling angry again, and he didn't know why. The doctor increased the medication. some and we are back on track...

    Big hugs..
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Did you start any new medication?
    I had this with my first child. We REALLY disciplined him for every single infraction, however minor. It worked, but was exhausting for a few months. Basically, if he so much as shoved anyone, he was put in a timeout on our stairs for a half an hour, which would be extended if he talked back to us. He was eight, but had showed signs of bossiness and shoving or hitting kids who didn't do what he said since age three.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this. My son, who is bi-polar has gone through this at varying times in the past - but interestingly only when he was manic. He worked himself into having full blown grandiose behavior - including thinking he could take on the entire neighborhood with his fists. I did not know that was mania until he was put on Lithium and suddenly all that behavior stopped. Previously I had just assumed I was raising the next juvenile delinquent - it was so scary!
    I noticed in your profile that your son may have Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP) - so this could possibly be a manifestation of a bit of mania. The right medications should help this though - so be sure and talk to the psychiatrist about it. My thoughts are with you.
  7. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    so sorry I know it is so hard when they act violently.

    We live in townhouses and I am terrifed when difficult child II flies out the door to "play" with neighborhood kids.

    Perhaps your difficult child will run into a preschooler with a black belt (kidding) we have to laugh for sanity's sake :crazy2:
  8. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    Thanks for your replies...
    Well, I just got a call from the school and another boy teased him about his hair and difficult child punched him in the mouth a knocked out his tooth (apparently it was already loose but anyway...) OMG, this is so horrible. I need to get him out of this! He is in a bad way these days.

  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh Andrea I am so sorry! When K was bitting kids, I felt the same way... then she turned around. Now she is so fragile most of the time... I wish they could split some of their symptoms, divide up the bully and the wimp!!!

    Now N is starting to be a bit of a bully, she walked up to a girl in gymnastics last week and just knocked her on her bottom!!! Pushed her right over, hard!!! She seems like she is going to be my bully... and nothing phases her.

    I fear for our kids, because it would break your heart to see them being bullied, so the thought of them doing it is just the absolute worst! We have so many other things to deal with and help them with. ugh

    Hang in there, hopefully this to shall pass...
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Mine was a bully until she got bullied. I think kids were forcing her into being the bully. She just want along.

    I am sorry, I know it is hard to think about your own child being in this role.
  11. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Andrea, the biggest carrot I had with difficult child in regards to bullying behavior or aggressive language was tying it into the video games, computer games, light sabers, etc his peers were able to use. As you know, I held back on that because of aggression (and am still conservative with it today) but the time came when he very much wanted to play games like Pokemon that his friends were playing and see movies like Star Wars that his friends had watched. When he was stable we eased up and pulled back when he was irresponsible with his actions.

    medications were a bust with him and since we weren't dealing with BiPolar (BP), not necessary, so we did a lot of trialing different things that worked and this one did more than anything else.