difficult child's half-brother killed

JJJ

Active Member
I just read in our local paper that my little difficult child's half-brother (20 yrs old, same birthmother different fathers) was shot and killed in an alley. We adopted difficult child as an infant through foster care so he hasn't seen this half-brother since he was 5-6 months old. Half-brother was raised by a maternal aunt with birthmom's involvement.

My heart breaks for his birthmom who lost 4 children to foster-adoptions due to her drug use. She was able to stay involved in this child's life because her sister was attached to the boy and kept him. Now she has lost even him. Birthmom is very smart but the combination of her own difficult child-ness (bipolar, probable Borderline (BPD)), drug abuse and a poor upbringing (her mom is Borderline (BPD)/antisocial pd) had led to such a sad life. I know she had choices -- especially the drug use -- but I still feel sorry for her.

The half-brother was a major difficult child (the caseworkers got the judge to ban him from sibling visits when the others were in foster care because he would become highly inappropriate/violent). It was an alley fight that got out of control and a 15 year old pulled a gun and shot him. Course, everyone else left when the gun was pulled out and difficult child-half-brother kept running his mouth!

I pray that the interventions we are providing our difficult child will mean that he will celebrate his 21st birthday as a functioning adult and not in a morgue.

Just very sad today,
 

mstang67chic

Going Green
How sad for the entire family. Does your difficult child know and how is he dealing? My difficult child has 4 sibs (2 full, 2 half) and bio mom still has the youngest. We've only had contact with 2 in person, the third on the phone and have never met the youngest one although grandma has given us pictures. The oldest is now living with bio mom again now that he's 18 and she still drinks and drugs. I hope something like that never happens but I do worry about it. Thoughts going out to you and difficult child as well as bio family.
 

JJJ

Active Member
difficult child doesn't have contact with bio-family. He "knows" that his birthmother had other children but doesn't seem to care about knowing more. We're not mentioning it to him although I cut out the article and put it in his file that I keep with birthfamily info in case one day he wants to know.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
What a loss. I'm sorry that this boy couldn't find his way out of his difficult child ness.
 

ForeverSpring

Well-Known Member
Aw, J, how sad and scary. I emphathize so much. My son's half-sibs all live in a very dangerous section of Chicago and I wonder all the time if they are alive and how they are doing. Son's birthmom must have been bright with a heart of gold (my son is like that), but drugs and maybe mental illness or autism also got in the way...anyways, (((Hugs)))
 

Stella Johnson

Active Member
How sad for all involved. Are you going to tell your difficult child? Not sure if I would... don't think I would but I'm an outsider looking in.

(((hugs)))

Steph
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
That's so sad.
Indeed, if your difficult child has any chance, it is with-you. He has no idea how lucky he is.
 
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