difficult child's now earning passes home

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by horserider, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. horserider

    horserider New Member

    It has been a very busy month, new job, school finals, I wanted to jump on and share some good news. After 4 months our difficult child finally earned his first day pass home 2 weeks ago. I have been cautiously excited, if you know what I mean. I do not live at home, but have spent the day passes with my difficult child and husband and they went pretty well. I think my difficult child behaved better then my husband, but that's another story. Geez...

    It has been a long road but our difficult child seems to finally be internalizing issues and problem solving. His passes are very restrictive and he did ask me if he could go on-line (he will have one hour of "free" time in a few more weeks to talk on the phone or go on-line during his pass) which he knew was against the rules now. I calmy told him no, he asked two more times saying the rules are stupid and went to his room. Awhile later he became verbally upset that his pass was too short, I waited for the door to slam or things to escalate but they didn't. I was relieved and he remained in control. I was about in tears when we went to dinner and he put his arm around my shoulder and we just sat and talked like that for some time, gave me a bear hug when he had to go back in, that's when I lost it. He handled the transition back better then I did.

    Yes he has realized things have changed, mom still has unconditional love, but mom also has something new about her. I did not tell him it was my rhino skin I found here. He will test the waters, but I will remain a firm and loving mom who does not bend the rules. Soon his pass will be for overnight stays, I hope my husband and him can get along okay. I am not ready to move home, don't know if or when I will yet. This is becoming an issue with my difficult child I'll have to ask you guys some advice about at a later time.

    One step at a time. I pray he stays on the right path, if so 3 more months in the program. His casemanger said the last 6 weeks of this program parents usually see a different child then when he went into the jjc. They can loose 6 weeks minimum or go back to square one if they break rules or esp. break the law again while on pass. It feels good to have progress finally. difficult child's also doing awesome in school, nothing lower then 80% and lost 20 pounds playing bball and not snacking like at home.
    Thanks for the continued support and listening
    Happy Holidays!
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a wonderful post to read. I'm so glad you are seeing progress! That certainly warms one's heart. I'm praying he continues to stick on this path of progress. Many hugs to you.
  3. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Sounds like he's making some very nice gains. I'm glad you had a nice visit.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds very hopeful.

    Also sounds a lot like my son when he was in a psychiatric residential facility. He earned some short day passes off site at first and because of the distance between his facility and our home, we had to do things in the area. We saw movies, went to the mall and out to eat, things like that. As he progressed well behaviorally, both on these outings and at the facility, he earned longer passes. We did have to take him back a couple of times because he wanted to break the home pass contract but that taught him we wouldnt bend so he got on with the program.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm excited for you. I, too, remember the excitement and concerns that come with the visits. Fingers crossed that all keeps going well. Hugs. DDD
  6. horserider

    horserider New Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I just had a phone conversation with difficult child that did not go well. Emotional roller coaster, will I ever get use to it? It was about privledges, and basically difficult child not accepting no for an answer. I won't go into detail but it ended with him telling me "don't come home then to visit on my pass". He then swore at me and blamed me for loosing points, a staff member must have heard how he was talking to me.

    I don't know what I'll do with all this right now, my PTS has been pretty bad lately. Feel like I'm walking on eggshells again. I will call his therapist tomorrow.