When she does the pinching?
She's bored and l
looking for attention. and
Instant gratification
Like - I'm bored, I want attention - HOW or WHAT can I do to get everyone in the house thinking and talking about MEeeeeeeeeeeeee? Oh I know - when I pinch they all talk and think about ME -
Whether it's negative or positive - you're all thikning and talking about her - SO-------let's do just that but on YOUR terms and in SPADES....
This is what we were told to do with Dude, and for us? it was a little easier because there were just myself, DF , the other brother and Dude - (Steven passed away 2 years ago, but he was a difficult child too, not near the level of Dude)
We did miss a LOT of movies, and ate a lot of frozen pizzas instead of going out - but it works. It's a real PITA - because the rest of the kids are going to go BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO COME WATCH HER GET PUNISHED? And in a way they're right - but eventually even the pincher kid is going to start wishing THE OTHER KIDS - weren't there watching her - because while all of you are watching her? You're not talking about her - AT ALL - you're all laughing and having a good conversation about everything BUT her. If she even peeks her nose out of the corner - SHE gets another minute and then the other kids are going to groan - and THAT is going to be where she's not going to like being in the limelight. She's going to WANT to be part of the family laughter, and not be allowed to UNTIL she finishes her punishement - But by then? it will be over. But there will be OTHER times to include her - just not if she's pinching ---or stealing. Seems those are the TWO behaviors you are trying to correct the most right now.
Dude had a bad habit of pinching the dogs. So the therapist said when Dude does that behavior - grab him, and put him in the corner (because he HATED the corner). We used to do pushups - but then he got to where he LIKED pushups and DF said "OMG the kids going to have arms like Popeye and come back and kick my butt. But the corner? Hated it. Also? The punishment for difficult child's has to be IMMEDIATE. They need/crave immediate gratification, and for something like this? They need immediate punitive measures.
So she would pinch the sister. When this happens? THE ENTIRE house - would shut down, the pincher would be taken to a corner, and the ENTIRE family would gather behind her quietly, and a timer would be started. Lets say for she's 8 years old - she gets 8 minutes. Those 8 minutes? She has to stand there QUIETLY, with her nose in the corner. If she gets out of the corner, add a minute. If she talks? Add a minute. If it's 30 minutes - you all can Take a seat. But she's standing there. You all can talk, discuss everything else - BUT her. Encourage that actually laughter chatter - everything BUT talking about her.
At the end of her time - IF she gets mouthy, or steals, or pinches again coming out of the corner like being vindictive? THE TIME would be DOUBLED. If you are there alone? YOU put her there and she gets 8 minutes for pinching, 8 minutes for stealing. 1 minute added for every minute she doesn't do her time correctly and WASTES YOUR TIME. When she is done? The timer goes off? ALL the explaining is done BEFORE she goes into punishment. If you want to say anything when she comes out - You merely say "I'm proud of you for doing your punishment like a big girl, I love you." before she goes in - You can say "For pinching your sister? Your punishment is 8 minutes standing in the corner and we will ALL watch you. This is because pinching is painful, not appreciated and not how we treat each other. If you are angry at XX sister you can tell me, and I am the Mom, I will decide if something isn't fair. YOU do not make the rules in this house." Or however you word your home rules. Then you say something like THIS is your punishment, You wanted attention so now we will ALL watch you. Your time starts now, and is done when you hear the bell ding, if you move or talk a minute will be added. NO bathroom breaks - if you have to go - go now." WORD TO THE WISE - DO NOT ALLOW HER TO LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR.
We've stood around and watched DUDE - for NEARLY AN HOUR and then it gets to the point where even HE realizes - OMG I'm not just wasting time - I'm wasting MY time. he got to the point where it was corner time he would trudge there, and just put his nose in it, stand there quietly, and it even got to where DF would just kinda hang back and Dude would even say "You don't have to Come watch me Dad - I got this." But DF would come anyway.
But at first? They will test everyones patience because - THEY ARE GETTING AN AUDIENCE....and they are getting INSTANT gratification. And yes EVERYONE HAS TO WATCH THEM -----that's what they wanted -
eventually it won't be so cool to have all your siblings, Mom and DAD sit around and watch YOU STAND in the corner while they are all laughing and talking and joking - and no - you can not commute the time to a later time it's done WHEN she pinches or steals.
If you think THIS is wicked you should see what we had to do for a liar. THAT"S even more of a PITA. Oh and the getting them to the punishment? FUN! I mean corners might not be her thing - but to this day? Dude hates corners.
Run it by her therapist - maybe he's got a better plan or maybe she hates to write - I will not pinch 500 times - every time she does this......but it helped us a lot.
AND the kicker to it all? We have Bulldogs - the one that he kept on and on and one with bit him in the face. It was our pitbull. We took him to the ER - he was fine. The therapist said "Haven't you learned anything?" About two weeks later? The dog broke his nose and it's still broken. He got very lucky - this particular dog had to be neutered because he was so aggressive and had it been anyone else but this kid? He'd probably had to have his face sewn back on. the therapist advised us not to remove the dog - we said we had no inteniton of removing the dog. He said good, when he gets bit? He'll learn. We agreed. He pinched that dog unmercifully. When he was caught? We all went to the corner. Now he has a dog of his own and is so protective over her I wouldn't even like to think about the wind blowing the wrong way over her, let alone someone pinching her on purpose.
Just a thought - but you wanted an idea of why she gets her jollies on pinching - she feels she's getting away wtih something. She's doing something she wants to do, the consequences are not THAT severe in her mind because it's just Mom yelling at her - she can take that - so she smirks....YOU get upset (she gets another perk) and in a few minutes everyone goes back to their state of walking on eggshells until she blows her horn again.
Level the playing field. Put her in the corner and give her some attention. See how much attention she really wants from her family. Just don't tell her that's why your're doing it - Just reinfornce pinching hurts, not tolerated, and punish immediately with everyone watching her.