don't know how to help my son

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ILoveMySon, Sep 10, 2012.

  1. ILoveMySon

    ILoveMySon New Member

    New to site. My difficult child is 15...going to be 16 in October. He's been admitted to an adolescent crisis center 3 times for being suicidal/depression/cutting. We spent a year trying all kinds of pills that seemed to do nothing. We stopped medications. Now he's back in therapy and revealing extreme dark thoughts involving violence. He has never comitted a voilent act thus far. He told me saturday night that he's only felt safe when in the crisis centers and if it were up to him he would go in indefinitely. He says its so tiring to wear the mask of being "normal". He says it's hard to control his thoughts. This is a boy that teachers have always loved, who has friends, and family that love him. He loves his pets. He's polite. Only now is he revealing an "inner" self that is dark.

    What to do?! I feel as if there's no hope but to lose my only child to suicide or incarceration. My heart is breaking.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you are in such pain and crisis. I have not dealt with those issues but many of us have lived in fear that our teens would self harm or, be harmed by unsavory companions. Surely it sounds like you are doing everything to find the right professional help. Even though it's painful to hear, that your son is sharing his feelings with you indicates that he knows how much you love him. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs DDD
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If somebody is suicidal, like I once was, you really shouldn't give up on medication. Maybe he had the wrong medications or at the wrong dose, but he is probably not going to be able to get out of his mindset, since he is in such a dark place, on his own or just with therapy. It took me ten years to find t he right medication, but it changed my life. Sounds like he is seriously clinically depressed and that is a medical condition that usually needs medical intervention. While he is looking for the right medication, I also recommend either cognitive behavioral therapy or even better (in my opinion) dialectal behavioral therapy. I think both CBT and DBT are far better than just taliking. The other types of therapy teach you coping mechanisms. Just talking, which I've done plenty of, just made me feel sorry for myself. CBT was the first type of therapy that helped me. DBT helped me even more.

    Due to depression, I've been in psychiatric hospitals three times and it's true that you don't like to tell anybody, even your parents because you're afraid they will think you are crazy.

    I am so sorry for your pain and his and hope he feels better very soon.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    medications. If it wasn't for medications, my difficult child would today either be dead, or behind bars, or in a permanent care facility. But it has taken 3 years to get them even close to right - and we're not there yet. Please don't give up yet.

    Either your son's primary problem is depression - or, he has other primary issues that haven't been found yet, and the depression is secondary. Secondary depression isn't any less deadly, but... to turn around a secondary depression, you also need to find and fix the primary problems. Missed dxes happen for LOTS of kids, and serious mood disorders are not uncommon when these get missed.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I am going to agree with IC and the others. The correct medications at the right doses make a huge difference. Just 10 months ago my difficult child was in such a bad place I could have, and probably did write something similar. We have been fighting for her everyday since then. And, on most days she is a terrific happy teen. But, then there are other days. Like today. Don't give up. Is there a different facility you could take him to? Or a different psychiatrist? medications take a while to see full effect. I hope you can find the help he needs.
  6. ILoveMySon

    ILoveMySon New Member

    Of the 3 times my son was hospitalized, 2 were at the same facility and 1 time (the middle time) I did try a different facility. All the doctors he has ever seen have had a different opinion, a different medication. When I finally stayed with the same Psychiatrist for several months, he changed the medications every 2 to 3 weeks, it was ridiculous. the other problem with medications is my son has a history of hoarding them and then trying to OD (one of the hospitalizations). I luckily found the second hoard before he could attempt to OD. He was apparently hiding the pills under his tongue and pretending to take them, then hoarding. he says he wants help, but not medication. However, I don't think this is managable without medications, but if he's going to hoard and then attempt to OD, what am I to do?! so i feel i cannot help him. it's slowly killing me.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If he is not medications compliant, and doing so poorly... it would almost seem like he needs extended in-patient treatment. Somehow, they need to get to the bottom of the problem and start finding what works. A non-compliant - and self-harming - difficult child isn't going to be managed very easily at home.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would give him the medications and make him open his mouth to show that he swallowed. What is his diagnosis? Is it bipolar? Just asking because lithium is known to stop suicidal thinking. It is the only medication that has proven really help suicidal thinking and behavior. You can find a lot of articles about Lithium helping suicidal patients. Here is one article.