Drinking alot of coffee, to avoid cigarettes

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jen, Sep 25, 2007.

  1. Jen

    Jen New Member

    It has been 12 yrs since I have quit smoking, and there are days more so lately, that I could just inhale a cigarette, and never blow out. Coffee actually helps than hinders, like tea for others.

    Came over to check out the watercooler for a change. It is nice here cause alot of topics may have to do with our kids in general, but not the difficult child end of it.

    Right now I am so dealing with my easy child daughter , sister in law, and grandson. My daughter and her husband have been married for over 2 yrs now. They made the mistak of moving into a shared home with his brother, which by all definition is a major difficult child, girlfriend, and their daughter.You can about imagine how that all played out. Thier marriage has been on the rocks since last Oct. Her way out was to join the army, move her husband adn grandson here, adn go from there. Cool, now they are looking at seperation. Though my daughter is guilty of alot in this relationship, I can see why she couldnt handle her husband anymore. She loves her son, adn will be sending for him soon, for a 4 months stay, before being deployed.

    In the meantime, I have went from helping my sister in law emothionally, and fincailly to not talking much. I find him to be soo lazy. He works, and helps take care of his son, withmy help and my husband, but that is it. He doesnt help around the house, he has gotten to the point that he feels he owes no explanations or ap. I finally gave him my thoughts nicely but to the point ( nothing else has worked). So now he stays at my sonsnad his families small house with his son. That I can understand, but my grandson I feel has not been anyones focal point.

    It is all a moot point, and it is their lives, but somehow I need to get my house in order, adn when I ask for him to do that and pack stuff up, he says yes, but his actions say no. I still try to help out by wathcing my grandson while he is at work. I do this for my grandson.

    My other problems is they go through their money before the nec, bills, his hospital bills(thankgod my daughter has health insurance), past due electric bills, overcharges with the bank statements, and new car payments, cell phone bills, that are all over due. They are just piling up on my daugthters bed. She is 2300 miles away, adn neither one is adressing the money issues.

    So it is driving me nuts to have all this setting here. My husband handles it the same way they do ignore. By the way did i mention he has his cat here, I am feeding it. Even when sister in law was here over the weekend foir a few minutes never cleaned out litter box, pee is on my carpet. I asked him last night to take care of that before work, adn no sight of him. I also think he dropped his son off at daycare but not sure iof he is ther, or I am to pick him up?

    My difficult child son is loving all this cause he has always been jealous of his sister. So he is sympathizing with the sister in law, adn has taken him in. This of course doesnt goe with-o a price of driving my son and his wife to work, since their car is broken doesn. They say they have nmoney but wonty pay the money to fix it. My son rather gives sister in law money then c/o how fast he goes through it.

    I also know my son has introduced my sister in law to a girl. My sister in law cant even find his own girl to date by himself. I have no problem with his personal life, it is his, but just finding out alot aobut him.

  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Just wanted to say until March I was a pipefitter too so I know how hard your hubby works. I worked mainly on mainlines and infrastructure for water, sewer and stormdrains. I hate HATE ductile pipe.

    On with the issue at hand:

    My best advice to you would be let them get their own life in order. You are allowing yourself to take on WAY more than you should. If the cat is there and no one is feeding it? Give your son in law the ultimatum: Feed and take care of the cat or I take it to the shelter (give day) and stick too it. It must not have been a "favorite" pet of anyones since it seems all have basically abandoned it. And as far as peeing on your carpet? If he was declawed this may NEVER be resolved. If he's not declawed this may NEVER be resolved either. Tom cat pee smell is horrific. Try spraying the area with a little white vinegar and water.

    As far as the bills piling up on the bed? Not your responsibility unless the bills are coming from YOUR house. Don't worry about them. It's not your worry to own that problem.

    Taking someone back and forth in your car? Um....lets see, that's gas, time, oil, wear and tear and most business pay .47 a mile to transport. You also need to set a date with them and say "By this day you either have a car or take the bus." It won't kill them and you'll have one less gripe. (or rather 3 him, her and you taking them)

    Honey, I only say this because I've been there and done that for my x's family over and over. It sucked the life out of me and I had NO time left for me. Never again. You have choices in this. I hope you lay down the law and tell them you're not a door mat, and won't have them wiping their feet on you, your husband who works INCREDIBLY hard at a very DANGEROUS job, and you both deserve your peace.


    Hugs for your insanity.
  3. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Sorry loneranger, I may have confused you. My sister in law and grandson are basically living at my difficult child sons house. My sister in law drives my son and his wife around I beleive in exchange.
    I think I am just going to hand over the bills that are his to him, and the ones for daughter I will assist sicne she is in the service.
    My sister in law never showed or called, I had to call him right before his work shift began about the cat again. Tonight, I think my husband will take care of it, not waitng another day for sister in law.
    My grandson was ill today and was to go do daycare still here in this town where we all live and work, except for my son and family lives 40 minutes away, and that is where my sister in law and grandson having camping out literally on the floor. I imagine soon my grandson will no longer be coming to this daycare, rather the sitter that my sons boy goes to.
    I think I am so ready to call it quits with my sister in law also. Pack his crap up here, and move it all out. I think before it is too long this seperation btwn him and my daughter will get ugly. I hope that she does divorce him in some sense of the word, I think finacially wise. If it is possible to make sure they keep joint custody of the grandson whiles she is deployed , then divorce the sooner. He has prooven esp. to me to be not finacially kept anymore, in a sense of the word.
    My hubby no longer works as a pipefitter. He went back to General Dynamics not as a welder, but as maintenance, less physical.

    Hey, How do I copy adn paste this from here to PE forum?

  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    To copy and paste:

    go to the BOTTOM of the paragraph you want to copy
    with your left mouse button depressed move the mouse up and highlight the area to be copied
    take your finger off the left mouse button once everything is highlighted.
    click the right mouse button and a little screen will pop up
    click COPY

    then go to the forum you want to be in and open a new topic
    go to the body of the topic (or blank area where you usually type) and
    right mouse click again and hit PASTE

    IT should put the highlighted area in the new topic

    Sorry about the misunderstanding - and I agree....son in law needs to GOOOO - Especially if HE isn't watching grandson. And as far as your daughters bills? I would find out from an attorney (some do what is called PRO bono or free work) you have to check out who is available in your town. Find out WHAT she is legally responsible for. She may have to file a legal separation in order to stop the bills, but it's my belief that if they are married what's his are her's and so on - even the bills he makes while SHE is in the army. Taxes too.
    -My x did this to me, with a girlfriend of his posing as me and ran up $40,000.00 in bills IN MY NAME. In order to have relief I had to file police reports which I couldn't do since I was in hiding from him and it would give my address. So I ended up paying what I could, dealing with people who would deal, and living with crappy credit for 7 years. 9 on the truck he got himself from the dealer. And they swore they'd take my name off the loan.....nope. I couldn't / can't get a new vehicle because of him. Why? Because we were married. And don't get me started on the taxes.....OHMY!!!

    Glad you've had enough! And I Love animals - dont' get me wrong here, I think what this cat is going through is tragic, but Mr. Pissinboots, would go down the road. ONLY because he was NOT my responsibility.

    Hugs again....
  5. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I guess I still dont know how to do it. COuld you please cut and paste for me to PE forum.?
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Jen...I dont think you need to take on your daughters financial problems at all...but...you may want to give her one warning or a heads up.

    She is in the army...the military looks very badly at people who dont keep their bills paid. One reason that companies and creditors will give people in the military credit is because they know that the military will hold them accountable for paying it. She can be busted in rank and pay if she doesnt keep her financial house in order. Just a heads up.