Dumb question about wills...help?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 11, 2018.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    It's a fast question. But I don't know how to do short lol!

    My late dear father split his money three ways in his will. That money is in probate and not expected to go through until April or so last I heard.

    As you know, I felt the need to break off contact with sister who is rather close to my brother, the will executor. My brother is a law abiding, good person. Due to my admitted paranoia about my family of origin though I always wonder....can they hurt me again? This more pertains to my sister who is probably mad, but she is not the executor.

    Bottom line: can anyone keep me from what was given to me in the will?

    Thanks for anyone who answers. My husband says they cant and to stop worrying but I am a worrier by nature.

    My brother is kinder than kind, but I probably have PTSD thinking sister could influence what he does.

    Set me straight? I have a wedding to pay for now.

    Thank again. I am such a dork!!!
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    The will must be executed or challenge. Ther has to be very good reason to challenge it.

    Your husband is right SWOT stop worrying.
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Oh dear SWOT, I understand why you would be concerned but you have nothing to worry about.

    As the executor your brother has to execute the will per your fathers instructions. By chance, were you given a copy of the will?

    Here's a link with some helpful info.

    The Rights of Beneficiaries to Wills
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Thanks ! I didn't get a copy, but he is honest. I can get my lawyer to get a copy, but so far he has been very good and he is an honorable person. I don't want to go there unless there is a problem and the logical part of me can't imagine him doing anything wrong.

    It's just my sister I don't trust, but she is not the executor. She is the one who always called the cops on me for no reason....she can get pretty extreme when angry. And I am sure she is not happy that I decided to finally end what I consider a very toxic relationship for both of us. I did not do it to hurt her,but who knows if she thinks so.

    And I know my brother is mature enough and sensible enough not to do the wrong thing, even if she wanted him to. I just think it's a PTSD thing...my family of origin was not a good experience for me. But my brother was not a part of that.
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    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Estates were not my thing. Heck, I don't even have a will. But I do know the executor's job is to collect the estate, pay the debts, then distribute as the will directs - all with court review and approval. I can think of NO grounds your sister would have to fight it. If the estate is already liquid - then your brother would already have reported the amount of money in it. If it's not...that is to say if it's property instead of money...then he'll have to liquidate in order to divide it equally and that would be the only point I can imagine anything shady happening, during the sales. Still, it's all subject to the court review and approval and if he's an honest person, I wouldn't expect he'd do anything that might get him in hot water with the court. If you're worried about it, I'd keep in touch with him, on a friendly brother/sister level...not a "I'm checking on my money" level. I'm sure it will be fine.
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Thanks Lil. My dad had money but not property. I doubt my brother has ever done anyone wrong in his life. Nor do I think my sister would actually try to cause trouble as any delay affects her too. I just have learned to be afraid of her when she is angry. I think my fear of her gives her more power in my head than she has.

    Lil, get a will!!!!! ;)
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
  7. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Ever hear the saying, "The cobbler's children have no shoes"?

    This lawyer's family has no will. LOL
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Yes... Lol. My husband is a very skilled car mechanic. But when our car breaks down it gets fixed last. That is sort of the same thing???
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I need a will too! And a health care directive. Do Not resuscitate me from any severe ailments that will leave me incapacitated. No thanks.
  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    We have that too. But we just did it this year. Took us long enough.
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    As you know I am co executor with my crazy brother for my mother’s estate. It is all liquid and nothing to be done but process the will through probate, pass the accounts and complete terminal taxes.

    My brother kept throwing wrenches in the works until he had such conflict that the estate law firm had to resign.

    He now has his own lawyer as do I. I requested he resign or I resign and one of us deal with the Will (it’s not Rocket Science). He declined and proposed that he and his law firm mange be estate and that he be in “Charge”. I obliged his wishes with the caevate that I would retain my law firm and review the processes and ensure all was managed properly. He was charged over $7500 for this process to date and I was charged $2100. All a waste of money for sure. He got very salty when I sent my expenses to date to him and his law firm. He tried to get me to agree in writing that I approved of his legal costs as did my law firm. He declared his was more expensive than mine because of all the research required. I refused to agree to any of these claims. I sent the communication to my law firm and their response was they had no clue what he was referring to or talking about. I told him he was accountable to the beneficiaries and they have to approve the passing of accounts. They may have concerns over the difference in legal fees.

    Clearly my brother is an idiot who fails to realize law firms work on billable hours and wasting their time costs you money.

    I suggested his law firm may be cost prohibitive and suggested mine may be a better option to use. He declined. I have this in writing, so I can protect myself from any concerns raised by the beneficiaries.

    He then sent me a laundry list of things he wanted me to do regarding the taxes and the revenue agency and bank. I really think he felt by being in charge he could boss me around (idiot). I explained to him that the agreement he requested and was agreed to and put in place prevented me from taking any action on anything, I was place in a role to review processes once completed. I am sure this didn’t make him a happy camper. I coped his law firm and they concurred with me. Please insert eye roll.

    Yesterday he sent me an e mail indicating I had documents to review and sign. I could review with his law firm (a long drive away....not happening) or have them sent by courrier to my law firm. I told them to send them to my law firm c/o laser who had handled the litigation. I had discussed using their firms estate department but a lawyer was yet to be assigned to the file. My brother full well knew that my estate litigateor had agreed to stay on and act in the interim until the file was transferred. This did not prevent my brother from totally losing his :censored2:. At this point he is only allowed to communicate to me in writing (mail or e mail) as per the agreement. He sent a pile of crap e mail accusing me of breaching the agreement and not using my lawyer of record for the estate (yup boys a nut job).

    I copied response to his law firm and to my estate litigator. And my brother went at it again with all sorts of e mails and crazy accusation.

    I finally sent a message identifying my now appointed estate lawyer and my estate litigator and any designates from their firm as lawyers of record. I also indicated that due to his continued harrasing nature he was to communicate with me through his lawyer/designate from the firm only. I made sure he knew this meant don’t have any form of direct communication with me at all.

    All this hassle all this additional money spent. And yet it was easier than attempting to have him removed as co executor. My siblings all begged me not to resign as none of them speak to or trust my brother. I am sure he was trying to force a breach of agreement so he could attempt to get the estate managed by a trust or third party (he is inherently lazy and not very bright). The estate being managed by an outside party wound be a waste of money. It is simple and straight forward.

    All I can say is I have 2 comments for you all

    Do not chose two relatives or children to be co executors of your will, it never turns out well. And better yet chose an unrelated executor.

    Second SWOT I feel your pain. Trust me when I say, my brother can do nothing more than proceed with executing the will, of course only after putting us all through 7 months of unnecessary hell. He has spent senseless time and money for no reason. Still it is cheaper than attempting to remove him as executor which he indicated he would fight. So very sad to desecrate my mother’s last wishes like this.

    On a final note I have instructed my siblings/beneficiaries to indicate that all legal expenses are to be taken off the payment allotment that will be provided to us for executing the Will. It is their legal right to request this. It will drive him bonkers!! Too darn bad!

    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
  12. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Little BoyLost for your suggestions and so sorry about your difficult brother. Just now I heard from my nice brother and he is clearly going to do this right as I should have trusted he would...he is a good soul. I need to stop confusing him with a few less nice FOO members. He is not like them.

    As for me and hubby and our will and medical preferences, we have Jumper for making medication decisions...she will think with her heart AND head and include the others. But for executor we just want our lawyer to do it. My kids won't want that responsibility and it will be smoother that way.

    Again I am so sorry that your brother is making this difficult. It is hard enough to lose a parent. I still eerily feel my dad's presence with me and miss him. A lot. I forget he is gone and start to call him. I can't bear to take his number out of my contacts. I have his voice in voicemail. If my sibs were fighting over this it would be worse. So I especially feel bad for your situation.

    I send you love and light with all my heart. You are so very strong.
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks SWOT taking about it here helps a lot. I miss my parents so very much. So many firsts. First Christmas without them both. First of all holidays and birthdays. It is not easy to lose our parents no matter how old we get.