easy child 2 is being a difficult child

[Shari]

Her "status" as a easy child has always been a little fragile...
***
She currently has an F in science and band, and the last 4 of 6 grades in math are D or lower. Her low Science grade is due to not making up work when she's been gone from school.
***
Yesterday, she convinced Two Brooms she was too sick to stay at school because the nasal H1N1 vaccine made her gag and left a bad taste in her mouth. She misses a lot of school due to that sort of "illness". She goes to the nurse all the time; gets sent home sick about 1/4 of the times she goes to the nurse. She has now discovered the "puke" card...if you say you puked, you don't have to have a fever to get out of school. She's "puked" three times in the last 10 days.
***
I had made arangements with her science teacher to take her in early today to work on the missing work. Last night, she swore up and down she had done it and its in her binder, and she's turned the binder in repeatedly, but the science teacher just didn't grade it. I asked her why the teacher didn't grade it. She didn't know. I asked her if she asked the teacher why? No, she hadn't. I guess she was just gonna live with the F. Her dad talked to her, too, about it. (this is also the teacher she claimed, earlier this fall, wouldn't answer her questions about what homework assignments to do when she asked - turns out she never asked.)
***
Today, her dad dropped her off at school at 7:30. Her instructions were to go to the science room and either work on the missing work, or turn in the missing work and ask the teacher to grade it THIS MORNING and let me know she had it IN HAND.
***
Science teacher just emailed me asking what happened this morning since easy child 2 didn't show up before class.
***
Every year its the same dang thing (tho she's a month later this year). I know the kid has learning problems that aren't being addressed, but my hands are tied. As step mom, I am doing all I can, and slightly more. I can't fight all the other adults in her life and she's doing nothing to help herself. She doesn't have a grasp that some day, she'll have to earn her own way - doesn't even have a dream to grow up and be anything...if she never had to go to school again, that would be just fine with her.
***
I'm ready to just let this kid flunk.

 

[KTMom91]

Let her flunk. When Miss KT failed Biology, it was a good wake up call for her. Having to retake the class meant she had Zero period PE. A semester of flag football at 6 am, during winter, really improved her study habits.

 

[susiestar]

You cannot attend school for her, or put the knowledge into her brain. She has consistently done all she can to not get help, go to tutoring, ask teachers for help. I don't know if she is just very social, or lazy, or whatever. You have really gone above and beyond for a child who's own mother and grandmother do not put a high priority on school.

It is time to stand back. Let school take care of school. This is HER job. You have your own job. If flunking is the consequence of not doing homework, then maybe she needs to flunk. It may be the only way she learns this lesson. If you keep helping, bailing her out, she won't NEED to learn to study, or go to tutoring at regularly scheduled times. She will continue to get special help and think it will always be there.

This is a time when natural consequences are probably the only thing that will have any impact.

 

[Shari]

She won't do anything that's hard for her. If she's thirsty and the milk jug is full and heavy, she'll go without as opposed to put forth the effort to get a drink. And she's not social; has very few friends, really. Its sad, but I think you are right; there's not much more I can do if she won't help herself.

At science teacher's request, I did call her at her grandma's after school today about this morning...

Me - what happened this morning?
easy child - The teacher wasn't there.
Me - You mean the whole time between 7:30 and 8:10 the teacher was not in her room at all?
easy child - I don't know. I never went back.
Me - Why not?
easy child - I had to go eat breakfast.
Me - And that took 40 minutes?
easy child - No. I forgot.
Me - easy child, what was the whole reason for you going to school early today?
easy child - I don't know. Dad didn't tell me.
Me - If no one told you, why did you go to Mrs Science Teacher's room this morning when you got there?
easy child - Cause dad said Mrs Science Teacher's name when you called him this morning.
Me - How did you know it was me that called if dad didn't tell you anything? Also, I told you last night you were going to school early this morning to make up the work.
easy child - (nothing)
Me - Is the work done?
easy child - Yes.
Me - All the missing assignments are done and turned in?
easy child - No. She gave me the assignment I missed from yesterday.
Me - What about the other 5? Are they done?
easy child - No.
Me - Were they done last night?
easy child - No.
Me - Did you know they weren't done last night?
easy child - Yes.
Me - Is that why you didn't go to Mrs Science Teacher's room this morning?

And then she refused to talk to me anymore.

The work she swore last night was done isn't. The science teacher double checked today and emailed me (its all kept in a binder that's handed in without taking papers out...its not like single pages that can get misplaced). She has not asked the tutor for help with her science.

Apparently her mom asked her about this morning, as well. She got the "I forgot" story, first, then asked asked me what happened. When I told mom what easy child had told me, and mom asked about it, easy child gave her the run-around, too. Mom grounded her from video games for a month for lying to her. Her dad and I told her this fall if she was caught lying again, she'd be mucking stalls, so she'll spend Saturday shoveling horse poo for lying to us.

For the future, I think if she passes the buck on homework again, blaming the teacher or dad or whoever for her inability to complete whatever is assigned, I think I'll just march her to the blamed person and repeat the question in front of that person. I'll continue to address the lying, but I think I'm done worrying about her school work. If she fails, so be it. I'm beginning to think she needs to.

Hope she shovels fast on Saturday...hate for her to miss the Christmas party over this, too.