easy child attacked difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JLady, Mar 22, 2009.

  1. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    easy child has been aggravating difficult child ever since we got home from church. They fought over who was going to take a nap on the sofa. difficult child was fussing about everything easy child was doing and vice versa.

    Long story short.. difficult child hit easy child in the face with a screw driver and easy child went after him. difficult child came running to me and easy child was right behind him and began punching him in the back. easy child wound up punching me several times too in the leg (I placed my leg over difficult child).

    I seperated the boys into their rooms. Of course difficult child had a melt down. easy child is remorseful and both are still in their rooms. I am a wreck. We can't live like this.

  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ugh! No, you can't live like that, but sadly, many of us do from time to time with difficult child's.

    I hope they are able to calm down enough so that you can all sit civilly and review the lesson to be learned from the incident and accept whatever consequences need doling out after they both apologize to you for their behavior!
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so sorry - I so understand. I have an 18 yr old girl and a 12 year old boy. I would think being a boy and girl 6 years apart in age that they could learn to ignore each other. Nope! They can aggravate each other to no ends. Diva has been very angry with difficult child on many occasions.

    I am glad they went to their rooms. That in itself would be a miracle in our home.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. This kind of thing stinks. difficult child hit easy child with a screwdriver and could have done serious damage to him. It would problem set off most kids to go after the hitter.

    I know it got out of control, and I am sorry you got hurt. But sometimes it is the only way a easy child can get a difficult child to stop hurting them. It is always wrong to hit, but sometimes it can seem like the ONLY way to get someone to stop coming after you - physically or verbally.

    While they need consequences, difficult child also needs to be spoken with about how HE caused much of the problem and HE could have prevented it by NOT hitting ANYONE - esp not with tools or any other item.

    This is a tough situation, but maybe when they are calm it can be a teachable moment where you can role play with difficult child to see how HE would react if hit with a screwdriver. maybe it will help stop the fighting and the violence. You can hope anyway.

    I am sorry your day had to include this.
  5. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    Thanks for being people that understand. I'm so frustrated and I don't know what to do. I am mentally exhausted. The day got better. The boys apologized and easy child and I had a long talk. This Asperger's stuff is really confusing and seems totally impossible to understand.

    All I know is that I can't give up. difficult child only has me. I just wish I understood better. I just don't get it. Will all our weekends be filled with this?

  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    First recommended consequence - NOBODY takes naps on the sofa, naps can be taken on the person's bed.

    That way you're not making a decision favouring one or the other, they BOTH miss out because they both transgressed.

    The raging - it can happen, can so easily be triggered, big-time. Plus you've got testosterone in the mix. Sibling rivalry. Older one probably pushing the "I'm older than you, bigger than you, do what I say and get out of my way" bulldozer tactics which DO NOT WORK.

    easy child needs to learn some conflict resolution techniques and to stop trying to force his way through to resolution. difficult child needs to learn to find healthier ways to defuse his anger.

    You need a whip and a chair, to keep the circus under control.

    Good luck. If you have to, get rid of the couch. Replace it with a wooden bench.

  7. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    LOL Marg. A whip and a chair for the circus. Isn't that the truth! Things are better today. I just have so much to learn. All of a sudden, because of the diagnosis, the rules to the game seem to have changed dramatically. I guess we get through it one day at a time.

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It's got a long learning curve, Jlady. Some days, I still forget.

    One way I got difficult child and easy child to stop fighting was to take the same thing away from them. We used to have easy child babysit difficult child so husband and I could have dinner out once a wk. The kids always called us, yelling and crying. One night, I got so fed up, I growled into the phone, "If either of you call me again, you are both grounded for the rest of the week." I made sure they both heard me.
    Wonder of wonders, it worked.
    Yes, we as parents helped them, but it was something they had to work out themselves, as well.
    In regard to sleeping on the couch, it's going to be tough to keep that under control, especially if there's a TV in there. (I like Marg's idea. :) )And Aspies tend to take things literally, so if your difficult child slept on it once, then he can do it forever. My son didn't really turn around on things like that until the last yr. I think a lot of it was maturity, in general.

    I feel for you.
  9. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    I just continue to read and "try" to understand. TRY is such a big word here.
  10. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi JLady! There's a website called 'wrongplanet.com' that has aspies, parents of aspies, sibs of aspies, etc. Their info. and forums are very informative and can help all of you get an idea on how to deal with each other.

    I don't go on frequently (new baby and strep running rampant through the house), but when I do, I can ask a million questions and get answers!

  11. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    Thanks! I'll check that out.