Something isn’t right with my son

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TiredAsAMother, Apr 4, 2018.

  1. TiredAsAMother

    TiredAsAMother New Member

    My kids are 20, 10, 9, and 5. My 9 year old has high functioning autism, my husband is bipolar. I’m losing my mind.
    My 10 year old son is not typical. He lies, and he lies about things that don’t carry any weight but also things that do. He doesn’t care about things related to school. If he fails he doesn’t care. He doesn’t respect the property of anyone. He has broken his siblings things, written on walls and his bed with a Sharpie, used a knife to cut holes in our sofa. He talks back if he’s told something he doesn’t want to do, like running in the house. He will say “You can’t tell me what to do”. This morning I was running behind so I had to drive them to school. When he found out he threw himself onto the sofa and started screaming and crying because he wanted to take the bus, yet ten minutes later told me it was because he doesn’t want to go to school. Then he threw a fit because he didn’t want to brush his teeth.
    He pees in his room on the carpet. For a long time I thought it was the dog, because who wants to believe their child would purposely pee on the floor? When he began peeing right up next to the leg of the dresser I knew it was him. He denied it. One night my husband came home from work and walked in on him peeing between the sofa cushions, caught in the act. He’s peed on clothes in the hampers. His room smells so bad that my 9 year old, who used to share a room with him, has slept in the playroom on the sofa in there. He also wipes feces on the cabinet in the bathroom. He used to wipe it on the shower curtain, to the point that now there is only a liner in there. I used to clean it up, but now I make him do it. He still wears pull-ups at night because he pees in his sleep.
    He is mean to his brother, the autistic one. He will walk by him and just hit him. He has attacked him, thrown himself on him and choked him. He’s hit me, hit his little sister. He used to go after my 20 year old, he learned though that she’s bigger than him and fights back.
    I dread every single day. My husband works five days a week, typically out the door before the kids wake up and home after they’re in bed. I know this isn’t great parenting, but to stop any fights or violence I let the 10 year old play on electronics. He will come outside quite often to play or ride his skateboard, but if he’s on electronics I let him usually. If I don’t he will attack me or his brother or start throwing things.
    He’s not been sexually abused to my knowledge. He’s never slept over at anyone’s home with the exception of occasional nights at my in laws, and all of the kids stay the night at those times. I’m always here, I don’t work and haven’t his entire life.
    He was given both Ritalin and Concerta before, but he’s a naturally thin person and wasn’t gaining any weight at all after six months. He now takes nothing.
    Any insight at all would be appreciated. Thank you.
     
  2. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    It sounds like you have your hands full. I am assuming he is adhd based on the medications. The peeing and pooping are part of some mental heath issues. I would reconsider the lack of medications . were the medications prescribed by a psychiatrist or neurologist? If not i would consider seeing one they might have more choices. I am not a doctor or a councelor just a mom. I am sure others will follow. In the meantime take some time for yourself and do something fun just for you. You deserve it.
     
  3. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am sorry this is happening. Even at his young age he sounds dangerous to his siblings. This is not just about him, but them too.

    There are three red flags for possible childhood psychopathy, although nobody will diagnose this in a child but without extreme treatment it is a dangerous trio and predictive of a very bad adulthood.

    The signs are inappropriate pooping and peeing, fascination with fire or setting fires and cruelty to animals. Take these red flags to heart.

    I would take him, if he were mine, to a Neuropsychologist for intensive testing (this is not a neurologist. This is a psychologist with additional training in the workings of the brain). They are very thorough diagnosticians and can be found in children's hospital and University clinics. The earlier he gets help for whatever this is the better the prognosis. I doubt this is just ADHD. He needs an intensive evaluation and not by just a regular therapist

    He is still young. There is hope if you do this now.

    Love and light!
     
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  5. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    Thank you swot i used the wrong word.
     
  6. TiredAsAMother

    TiredAsAMother New Member

    I’m just seeing these replies, I’m supposed to be notified when I get one but I wasn’t. Thank y’all so much!
    On Wednesday I called five different places for him to be seen, and one had openings. I filled out the required forms and I’m waiting for a return call. The place I called has in home and in office visits, which I like. I think it would be helpful for a doctor to see him in his own environment where he’s comfortable.
    I will definitely call around today for a neuropsychologist. I hadn’t even considered calling one before, but thankfully I live in a major metropolitan area with great hospitals, so that’s a bonus. My mother in law says he’s acting like a brother to his brother, boys are that way. I knew that wasn’t right, I’ve never seen such violence in anyone else.
    Another thing, he’s actually a huge animal lover, never mistreats them, but he’s obsessed with fires.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Watch out for animals. Unfortunately I know this type of behavior first hand and we had a foster child who did the fire and poop bit but he acted like he LOVED our pets. It was quite a performance but everyone believed it until he strangled our beloved dog. Turns out he abused our pets when we could not see. Although you did not mention it, sexually acting out on other could be another problem.

    We thought the child we had was asexual. He never acted out or spoke of sex ever and he was 11. Well,turns out he was sexually abusing my two youngest for three years. The littles were too scared to tell us because he threatened to kill us all if they did AND he had stolen.a sharp knife from Walmart and liked to put it to their throats.

    Now your son may not do things like that. But watch him more carefully when he thinks you aren't watching. This is NOT normal behavior.

    I also know a woman whose foster son burned their house down at age eight and as everyone stood down the road watching it burn the little boy who had done it asked "Can we go tocDonalds?"

    I am not trying to scare you. People don't think children can do very dangerous deeds because they are so young so sometimes,like us, we never think to be as diligent as we sometimes need to be. It happened to me and my friend. Your son has two dangerous traits for sure. Watch your pets when he thinks he is by himself with them and keep your other kids away from him unless you can see them. Be safe. Hopefully you will be doing it for nothing. Don't be us. And make sure your matches or lighters are locked up or he could burn the house down. Lock up everything sharp from scissors to knives to razers.. you may have to use plastic knives. You know for sure that he uses sharp objects to destroy property. You don't know if he will use them on people.

    Have him seen by a neuropsychologist. I would askyayour other kids if he has touched them. They may not tell you the truth but I would ask them, especially if he likes to show off his genitals. But our child did not and he still secretly abused the younger kids.

    These types of kids go after younger and disabled kids. Mine hurt a mute epileptic kid from school.

    Ok, good luck. It is hard for me to talk about this but I feel obligated to do so when I hear evidence of a possibly dangerous child. I don't want people to think like us. "Oh he is only a child! He can't!"

    You must protect your other kids, and get this one help. Now.

    Love and light and I am sorry.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2018
  8. Baggy Bags

    Baggy Bags Member

    Your son does a lot of the same things my son was doing when he was younger - lying about unimportant things, vandalizing, bedwetting...
    I hope you get some answers soon. Lots of great advice to get here. Your situation sounds especially difficult because you have three people in your home with mental health issues.
    Sounds like you need a nice, long vacation asap. Don't forget to self-care. We're here for you.
     
  9. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Sounds like you have already gotten wonderful feedback and advice. You are already on the road to getting your son evaluated and treated - that is all you can do for now.

    Your son sounds deeply troubled from what you write and it is possible that he may require a residential placement away from the family home, at least for a time. It sounds like at minimum he is robbing his siblings of their opportunity to grow up free from fear and abuse (by his hands), not to mention the toll he is taking on you and his dad.

    You may wish, in addition to the steps you've already taken, to call social services and ask for help as your son's acting out behavior can be dangerous.

    Keep us posted!