easy child got arrested

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Feb 10, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    sooo i get a phone call to come pick up easy child because she got arrested for stealing.

    soo we have a court date next month. she was angry, nasty and out of control the cops had to arrest her because she was so incredibly nasty to them.

    and ontop of it her two friends booked and ran fast. end result i contacted her best friends mom to let her know that her daughter was also trying to steal yet didnt' get caught according to police officer and security.

    so her best friends older sister had the nerve to call me to tell me off. how "my daughter" is getting her kid sister in trouble.

    unreal. the **** never ends.
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    they charged her with-petty larceny. again unreal. what would i do if i was a bad parent. i'm beginning to feel like one i have to be honest. it is a reflection on my parenting. i know your all going to say no yet come on.
  3. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    So the other parent has ostrich syndrome .. how convenient. Jena, I wish had could make all your pain go away. You truly are giving your everything to your kids and their well being. I wish I had more words of wisdom but know that I am in your corner and will pray things turn around for you, husband, difficult child and easy child...
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jena, hon - have you told easy child it's okay to steal? Have you stolen in front of her, taught her tricks to get away with it? Have you encouraged her to do it, praised her for doing it successfully? Have you told her it's appropriate to be uncooperative with police? Nope. This is not a reflection of your parenting, this is a reflection of her poor choices. She's 17 and certainly old enough to know better. Sorry - no sympathy at all for her. Tons of sympathy for you because you have to schlep her to court, as well as (I'm sure) deal with- the fallout when she figures out she actually has consequences for her bad choice.

    You should have let easy child talk with- older sister, rather than you having to listen to that garbage. It's easy child's actions, not yours. She should reap the full benefit of that action.

    If you can, let this go. The courts will deal with- easy child. I'm sure she's well aware that she goofed big time. You have enough on your plate. Take care of you!
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea it's unreal. husband left work to take her to pyschiatrist appointment. i'm not sure she'll go in truck with-me. difficult child and i will follow them than he's gotta head back to the rest. i asked him to leave in the middle of dinner rush tonight.

    she made her bed bigtime. yet to be honest we've all taken a serious beating from living with-difficult child for these years. we all have in one small way or another. and there's pain there alot of it. we've all ignored our own selves because her tidal wave is just too much to cope with-alone.

    she'll be listed on the website for our town also. that's what they do here.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Even with minors?

    Jen, maybe the courts will drop it or let her go with minimal court supervision. I worry if you have to add in dealing with a PO and court orders on top of everything else. But clearly, your easy child has some of her own stuff to work thru.
  7. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    I can only ditto what slsh said so beautifully. Hopefully it is a cry for help on her part. It has got to worrying you what is going on with her and what path she is headed down. No words of advice.

    Just think about being that center of calm, not being the punching bag, and paying attention to the positive. Be there when they are ready to meet you there, do your best to get them the help they need. What I read on the other forum, about the 3 c's--you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I can't believe the hades you are going through!!!!!!!!!!
    Many hugs, and prayers being sent your way.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Sue, she made her own choices on these. Yes, living with a difficult child takes its toll. Still, she knows right from wrong. Sending hugs your way.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hate to say it, but this isn't a easy child/typical teen anymore. And I'm not convinced that this is just for attention. It seems too "out-there." Do you think she may be dabbling in drugs? Is this your biol child too? (((Hugs)))
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Ah man Jen... *hugs* Was it some small trinket she tried to take, maybe a call for help or the thrill of it? Something she's not allowed to have? What does she have to say for herself?
  12. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    If this is her first offense, she'll most likely get an ACD, adjournment in contemplation of dismissal. An ACD is basically a stay out of jail free card. Stay out of trouble for a set period of time (6 mos to one year, usually) and it's as if the arrest never happened. I don't have any advice for you, just an agreement with the other posters who say that unless you and husband are Fagin in disguise, you have nothing to do with this.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yes well husband and i had to reschedule our "cult" meeting. LOL ha no we're just us me and husband, a mess at times, trying to keep it together, unpacking his stupid little bag from the other night with-all of just a pair of underwear in it. his therapist was like i get it's hard there yet she needs you to man up so DO IT and stop u know you love her so control that anger and flee to run. your in it for the long haul.

    easy child well husband escorted her to pysch doctor which she was dxd with 400 bucks i owe later exactly what i said DEPRESSION. yes i'm going to school to become a therapist by the way. this one was a slam dunk. MWM yes shes my bio mix up little girl with the defiance level of her difficult child and her Mom. let's be honest a tractor trailor couldnt' take me out LOL.

    long day indeed. she's starting zoloft tmrw. as per dr. she agreed. appointment in 2 weeks follow up, therapist in week and a half once medications kick in. and court in march 31st.

    what does she have to say not a whole lot. she's in pain bigtime. cried on way, cried there, on way home. just alot of crying and pain and realizations about her "good buddies" that assisted with the stealing than fled so quick your head could spin as wel as her best friends Mom who she thought adored her bad mouthed her and also said her bff cant' hang with-her anymore shes' a "bad" influence. Let's not even go there.

    i guess healing comes in all forms. i think we're all in it healing mode it's going to be a bumpy ride, with a whole lotta pot holes yet i think this was a good thing to happen in hindsight let the courts hold her responsible for her actions. i have done my best with both children, made my mistakes where i have as well all do. made the best decisions at the times i made those decisions and i'm not going Occupational Therapist (OT) let my mom bring me down this time. i almost did than i looked in the mirror and said no way no how will i let this get me now. i've come way too far.

    so, husband came thru again my knight in shining armor in his black tahoe coming home work apron still wrapped around him to put her in the truck. she def. got our attention. i know where she is right now i was there myself at a teen 13 years old could care less made bad choices. i didn't get arrested or anything crazy and mine was from an abusive father yet i get the thought process.

    so she's hurting now and let her because she should gotta get it out one way or another. her best friend just text her and stated how she isnt' allowed to talk to her or hang out with-her anymore due to this. another oversight on that mom's part. her kids been doing worse and is the one who enlightened easy child's on the way of the world here in this town. it old easy child let it all blow over, pay your dues, you made a really bad choice. time will heal all.

    yet a vacation is what husband and i really need. :)

    i never thought i'd see the day that my kid was being held by police i gotta admit while im standing there with-my other kid who was just released from a hospital short time ago. def. not what i saw before i had kids. i guess most of us could say that.
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    weird thing she didnt' call me right away. she called husband hysterical crying. where he than told her do you want mom. she said i think so. he said well if i cant' find mom meanwhile my cell was on i'll be there to get you. i'm playing like this is no big deal. yet i'm at the point where i'm like i feel as though i cant' take anymore bad to heart so i have to disconnect in a way. ofcourse love her be there do all i can do yet also i'm a bit numb to be honest.
  15. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sue's right ~ it bites to have a difficult child sibling. A difficult child anything. Yet it is her reality. You've supported & gotten easy child help so please, honey, don't rescue or make excuses for her. In the long run it will hurt her more than anything.

    If you can, let this one ride. You & husband need a break.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She will be ok on this one since she is a first time offender. Dont worry too much. I wouldnt go out and spend big bucks on a lawyer either. Just let her get a public defender. You guys have spent yourselves into a big enough hole now anyway and this doesnt require a lawyer. All they are going to do is get her in there and try to scare her to death. She will probably get that sentence that Sven told you about and if she keeps her nose clean for that time period all will be well. Hopefully this will teach her a lesson.

    My getting caught for shoplifting taught me a valuable lesson. I learned cages werent for me! I think I spent about 5 hours in lock up and that is the last time I ever want to see the inside of a jail.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs your way. It seems like your life is an endurance contest lately. Sorry you weren't able to get supports sooner for easy child although your plate has been ridiculously full of crises to cope with in a very short time. on the other hand, sadly, many of us have had that dreadful experience and vividly remember the kicked in the gut sick feelings that resulted.

    The social repercussions of being posted in the newspaper are devestating. Our community included all juveniles including the mug shots for many years. That process was finally changed so only adults were shown in the police blotter about two or three years ago. Probably because a powerful good ole boy had a teen who messed up!

    That said the good news is that usually first time offenses lead to community service or in some cases counseling for the teen. She is the one who made the mistake and she will have to face what comes as the result. I hope it is counseling.

    Bottom line is...I'm sorry and am sending supportive thoughts. DDD
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks guys.......

    yes she'll probably get a slap on the wrist she has no priors. and yes she'll have to face the music with-the community sadly enough. paying the price the consequence thing she's already handling at school today.

    i told her let it ride, this too shall pass. we aren't starting therapy until medication kicks in that i'm dropping at pharmacy today. the police blotter on line's a bit much yet what can you do. her best friends mom is a real jerky. she lost her best friend over this who was also "trying" to steal. i do feel bad for her in a sense.

    she lost her other best friend 3 years ago when she noticed bruises on her, did the right thing came to me and than she asked me to go to the mom and tell her. i did and guess what the kid wasn"t allowed to hang with-easy child anymore. i get this time easy child messed up, yet same scenario parents here do not want to admit or open their eyes to what their kids do. it's closed eye policy ignorance all the way.

    so her bff is the way she is due to my easy child. same as last time. and yes my life is an endurance run as of late. i just keep breating thru it, laughing at all the insanity of it, and saying oh well that's life. what can you do? you can't have a melt down each time things go sour. i'm learning to roll with-it alot better.

    i just told husband we have to keep setting up things to look forward to for ourselves. even if it's just a movie, or escaping for an hr. we gotta keep the oxygen flowing thru this so we dont' crash and burn now. if we do all else will fall apart.

    husband did well last night talked to easy child in the truck on way to dr. they get along well, calmed her down
  19. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Who needs soap operas when you have difficult children? Isn't every day a drama in and of itself? LOL. Hang in there. We all have to work on cultivating some detachment to it all.