Every time difficult child gets a report card, there's an argument
- Thread starter TerryJ2
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Terry, from where he was, it actually sounds like he is doing very well. He is passing nicely in most classes. Lots of kids have trouble with one of their classes, but he passed!!! And he still has his job. It's huge that he doesn't have "allergic-to-work" syndrome!!!
I think what I'm trying to say is you've done a fantastic job with your son.
I think what I'm trying to say is you've done a fantastic job with your son.
Origami
Active Member
Maybe the fact that your son argues and justifies himself shows that he's at least somewhat concerned about the grades, which is a plus. My 17-year-old (almost 18) stopped caring about grades about 2 years ago when he dropped out. The fact that your son is keeping up with his job shows signs of maturity, also. I can definitely relate to being glad when difficult child is at work! Sometimes it's a relief to have mine out of the house just because of the temporary peacefulness.
Ithinkmykidsgonecrazy
New Member
"What do you need help with, to get those couple grades up? The rest looks awesome, good job!" That's the approach that works with my son.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Thank you all.
And thank you, MWM.
Ithinkmykidsgonecrazy, I thought I'd said that, but he doesn't want "help." In fact, I suggested that he attend the "conference requested" with me, and he blew up. I told him it would help with communication. But he yelled that I'd already gone to the 504, he'd already brought up one grade from an F to a D, and what was the problem, anyway?
He plays too many video games and never, ever cracks open a book or writes papers at home. Scares me. And amazes me, that he can pass just doing classwork.
But I like the wording that you suggested, Ithinkmykidsgonecrazy
And thank you, MWM.
Ithinkmykidsgonecrazy, I thought I'd said that, but he doesn't want "help." In fact, I suggested that he attend the "conference requested" with me, and he blew up. I told him it would help with communication. But he yelled that I'd already gone to the 504, he'd already brought up one grade from an F to a D, and what was the problem, anyway?
He plays too many video games and never, ever cracks open a book or writes papers at home. Scares me. And amazes me, that he can pass just doing classwork.
But I like the wording that you suggested, Ithinkmykidsgonecrazy
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dstc_99
Well-Known Member
I am right there with you sister. LOL
Mine has more excuses than I know what to do with. I just keep repeating the same things. Did you turn in the work. Did you turn it in on time. Did you ask to retake the test. Unless I get the answer yes then I tell her then you didn't do your part.
Mine has more excuses than I know what to do with. I just keep repeating the same things. Did you turn in the work. Did you turn it in on time. Did you ask to retake the test. Unless I get the answer yes then I tell her then you didn't do your part.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Well, I went to the requested conference with two of his teachers. You know what? They get me all ramped up and excited to do xyz, like I'm going to run in the door and get my son all excited, too. And it. Never. Happens.
What happens is a fight. The minute he even catches wind of the fact I've been within a 50 mile radius of his teachers, his fangs come out.
He yelled and screamed and berated me and told me how he doesn't feel like he fits into our family and I had tears streaming down my cheeks. But I didn't back down. I told him he will do an assignment in his history workbook every day until Wednesday, until he turns it in. And photography--no excuse. He said the teacher will say something he doesn't understand and he stops to figure it out, and she's gone onto something else. I told him that's what the 504 is for! She will stay after for you. She will extend deadlines for you. But if you just don't do the work, we all think you're a slacker. You've got to meet us halfway. Make an appointment with her. Sheesh.
Okay, I also told him he couldn't have the car until he made up some of the work.
He exploded, I cried ... he did one assignment but he still didn't get the car the next day.
Oh, and he felt guilty about making me cry so he made dinner. And apologized.
I make him show me his work now. He says he wants us to not treat him like a little kid. I told him that when I see his grades come up online, I'll quit treating him like a kid. In the meantime, I'm right there. I'm on him.
If he expended half as much energy on his homework that he does arguing with me, he's have straight A's.
DoG, this is hard work.
What happens is a fight. The minute he even catches wind of the fact I've been within a 50 mile radius of his teachers, his fangs come out.
He yelled and screamed and berated me and told me how he doesn't feel like he fits into our family and I had tears streaming down my cheeks. But I didn't back down. I told him he will do an assignment in his history workbook every day until Wednesday, until he turns it in. And photography--no excuse. He said the teacher will say something he doesn't understand and he stops to figure it out, and she's gone onto something else. I told him that's what the 504 is for! She will stay after for you. She will extend deadlines for you. But if you just don't do the work, we all think you're a slacker. You've got to meet us halfway. Make an appointment with her. Sheesh.
Okay, I also told him he couldn't have the car until he made up some of the work.
He exploded, I cried ... he did one assignment but he still didn't get the car the next day.
Oh, and he felt guilty about making me cry so he made dinner. And apologized.I make him show me his work now. He says he wants us to not treat him like a little kid. I told him that when I see his grades come up online, I'll quit treating him like a kid. In the meantime, I'm right there. I'm on him.
If he expended half as much energy on his homework that he does arguing with me, he's have straight A's.
DoG, this is hard work.
So glad he apologized!! It shouldn't have to be this hard. My easy child/difficult child never did "get" it when it came to grades! Couldn't have cared less, even into junior college. Now that she has made a decision to go away to college in January she has worked hard this semester in junior college. I guess she had to find her own carrot because anything I tried to say always resulted in huge blow-ups on her part.
My difficult child actually cares about his grades but they are all modified and he doesn't haven't homework. However, he is the same way if I have to talk to him about his behavior or social skills. I received his IEP report and when I tried to talk to him about how he has been backsliding on interrupting and staying on task he blew and said, "We aren't going to talk about it"!
My difficult child actually cares about his grades but they are all modified and he doesn't haven't homework. However, he is the same way if I have to talk to him about his behavior or social skills. I received his IEP report and when I tried to talk to him about how he has been backsliding on interrupting and staying on task he blew and said, "We aren't going to talk about it"!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Terry, I have followed your story for a long time. I feel there are very few parents who have done such a wonderful job with such a difficult kid who had and still has so many issues. He has come soooooooooo far and it's due to your parenting, I believe. He is going to make it. He IS making it. He probably won't be a doctor, but, hey, not everyone is college material. Maybe he WILL decide to try a community college one day and move on. I am actually in awe of how well this boy has done, all things considered.
His fight with you over grades and teachers and his outburst and even his "I don't feel like part of the family" is kind of typical teen, with the extra ammo of his being adopted and that part coming out. He did feel bad, which is huge. He is not on drugs. He is not so defiant that he is violent if you try to discipline him. He is not on the streets doing dangerous stuff. He drives. He has a job. He is at least passing in his classes. He is graduating. From where he started, I was not sure he would do these things.
I feel you are an extremely gifted mother and your son is a very lucky young man, even if he doesn't think so when you push him to be his very best
His fight with you over grades and teachers and his outburst and even his "I don't feel like part of the family" is kind of typical teen, with the extra ammo of his being adopted and that part coming out. He did feel bad, which is huge. He is not on drugs. He is not so defiant that he is violent if you try to discipline him. He is not on the streets doing dangerous stuff. He drives. He has a job. He is at least passing in his classes. He is graduating. From where he started, I was not sure he would do these things.
I feel you are an extremely gifted mother and your son is a very lucky young man, even if he doesn't think so when you push him to be his very best
